AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She smiles, but then it takes on an edge, and I clap my hand over her mouth. I know that look. “I do not want to hear a single word about why you’re so happy. Especially if it has to do with all the happy married sex you’re having.” I yank my hand away. “Ew! Did you justlickme?”
I wipe my palm on my dress while Merritt laughs. This is not my oldest sister. The queen of the control freaks, captain of the type-A army. And yet, as I watch the way her eyes sparkle, I realize itisher. She’smoreherself.
I’m sure she still has a planner, filled out and color coded, and spreadsheets for every conceivable area of her life. But now, it’s like a door has been unlocked, releasing some other part of her she didn’t feel safe letting out before. Even with Eloise and me.
Lovedid that. And it’s fascinating to see, startling even, because the three of us did not grow up seeing love modeled in any healthy way. Not from our father who spent all our money before he left, and not from our mother who spent the remaining years of our childhood desperately seeking something she never found, even with her current husband.
As Hunter appears, wrapping an arm around Merritt’s waist, the love between them is like a spark lighting them both up from the inside. It makes me happy for her, but it alsohurts. In the same way too much sugar can make your teeth ache.
“Hey, Hunter. Oh! There’s Lo. I’ll go grab a drink and make sure she knows I’m here.”
I’m gone before I can tell if they bought my words or know I just ditched them. Apparently, ditching seems to be the theme of my evening. I’m sure it seems like I’m trying to escape people. Really, I’m just trying to escape my emotions.
I grab a glass of rum and Diet Coke at one of the bars set up around the lawn, stepping back into the shadow of a live oak. Pressing the cool glass to my cheek, I survey the party.
Lo is easy to spot, decked out in a bright pink dress with equally bright green alligators all over it. My youngest sister’s style is such a perfect reflection of her. Not because it’s loud—Eloise does like to talk, but not in a way that demands attention or overtakes others. No—her happy, playful prints and dresses carry the brightness and light and quirky, unfettered sense of joy my sister seems to be stitched together with.
How she came to be this way has to be a result of nature, not nurture.
I wish sometimes I could borrow a little of her light.Maybe a little of Merritt’s steadiness too, I think as my older sister joins Eloise. Hunter and Jake aren’t far behind, both immediately finding ways to touch my sisters—theirwives.
Though I was in attendance at both weddings here on the island, the reality of their marriages hits me now with pummeling force. Jake tugs Eloise close to his side. Even from this distance, it’s impossible to miss the adoration in his eyes. It’s matched by the brilliant smile Lo gives him, rising on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. Hunter stands behind Merritt, looping a big hand around her waist as she leans back into his bulkyframe, a satisfied smile on her face. She reaches up to touch his beard, as though even after months of being with him, she’s still delighted and surprised to find him there.
I slowly sip my drink as I watch, the cold stinging my eyes and the alcohol burning its way down my throat until it simmers low in my stomach. Once again, an unfamiliar longing grabs me in its vise-like grip as I watch the happy couples. For years, I’ve made it clear I never want to get married or have a family.
So clear that now I’m not sure I can admit I might feel differently—not even to myself.
I pull my gaze away, skating over the other guests, most chatting or eating and drinking, with a growing contingent dancing on a wooden floor in the center of the lawn. Speakers are blasting the typical wedding fare meant to get people out of their seats. It’s working. I find my hips swaying to the beat of “Uptown Funk,” absolutely without my permission. I have a strict “No Bruno Mars” rule, but apparently, my body didn’t get the memo.
My movements halt the moment I catch sight of Benedict in the middle of the dance floor. I can’t see the woman he’s with, and I’m unprepared for the jealousy clawing its way up my ribs like a ladder. But then he turns, and his dance partner comes into view.
I laugh quietly, watching as Harriett, the sixty-something-year-old diner owner, pulls Ben into a fox trot. One whereshe’sleading.
For the briefest of moments, I swear his eyes meet mine. I don’t know how he could possibly see me, tucked into the shadow of the tree like I am. And maybe he really doesn’t because his gaze moves quickly back to Harriett. Knowing Benedict and the way he’s been acting, especially today, I don’t think he would have torn his gaze away. The man seemsdetermined to push past my boundaries and encroach on my territory.
Which leaves me wondering … is he just playing? Or is he banging a battering ram against my walls hoping toactuallygain entrance?
I don’t like thinking about those questions, because they inevitably make me think about whatIwant. And I have no idea how to even begin to find an answer. Despite my efforts to keep my distance and the way I adamantly told him I’m not interested, I’ve always been drawn to Benedict.Ben.
I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to give into the attraction, it would be like eating jalapeños. They’re delicious in the moment, but regret is inevitable the moment they hit my digestive track in earnest.
I only let myself watch him and Harriett for another minute or two. Long enough to wish I hadn’t watched at all. Whatever quick-step dance Benedict is now leading a surprisingly nimble Harriett in, he looksgooddoing it.
“I’d say you look like you need a drink, but you’ve already got one.”
I startle, spilling a little of my rum and Coke as Naomi, Jake’s sister, appears beside me, grinning with a glass of wine in hand.
“I might need another one now. I didn’t hear you coming.”
With no hesitation, she pulls me into a tight hug. I do my best not to pour my drink down her back, which is almost completely bare. Her short, dark dress is the kind you wear to impress, and I wonder if she, too, has found a decent guy.
And I’d be happy for her if she did,I tell myself.Because I’m not some stupid sad sack who stands like a creeper in the shadows, spying on all the happy couples.
“When did you get in?” Naomi asks, finally letting me go. As though checking to make sure it’s still in place, she puts a handto her dark hair, pinned up in a loose twist. “Your sisters told me you weren’t coming.”
“Changed my mind this afternoon. I decided I couldn’t miss this,” I tell her, the lie of omission tasting worse every time I tell it.
She turns to watch the crowd with me, bumping my shoulder with hers. “Well, I’m glad. I need a partner in crime.”
