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He kissed me, this time with so much heat, I thought I might expire from it. How could such a thing happen from just the touching of our lips? It never had in the past. I’d been kissed plenty as a teenager.
I tugged at his shirt, and he shook his head. “Not so fast.”
“Why?” I lifted an eyebrow. “Are we waiting for something?”
“Yes.” He picked me up again. “For starters, I really like the kissing part. I can tell you do too, so why rush through it? We have all night.”
The idea both comforted and terrified me, but not so much that I wanted him to stop. Max carried me in his arms across the apartment to his bed. His bedroom was medium sized for a New York City apartment. That was all I noticed. Well, that and the sexy black sheets as he laid me down on them.
I caught my breath. It just became very, very real. “I don’t do this.”
I don’t know what compelled me to be so honest, but there it was. I had to say it, and now he knew. Well, he knew as much as I would ever confess. Maybe he could get the gist—I wasn’t the sexually experienced woman social media called me, if he followed such things.
He shook his head. “Neither do I. Can’t remember exactly how long it has been for me. But you got under my skin, and I have to have you tonight.”
Something about his words, about his tone, about his possessive attitude, spurred me forward and shed what remained of my anxiety. Right then, I didn’t care what happened in the past. I only wanted now. “Have me.”
Max kissed me again. I no longer felt compelled to rush him through it. Maybe it wasn’t the finish line that I needed to reach as much as to go through for this journey. He didn’t know the gift he gave me tonight. After this, there would be freedom from wondering what the first time since the incident would be like. I would know.
And so far, I loved it.
His mouth came down on my own as he held his much bigger body off my smaller one like he was doing a plank. I didn’t know how long he could maintain the position—I’d never been great at it—but he didn’t seem to have any trouble, so I decided not to worry about it. I kissed and kissed him. Time passed, and I was so hot that I squirmed beneath him. He was hard everywhere, and I wanted to rub against his strength until I got lost in it.
But I controlled myself. I didn’t know if that was weird or something. What I needed for this to be was as normal as was humanly possible, consideringthings.
He kissed both my cheeks and then tugged his shirt over his head before he winked at me. “Put your hands over your head.”
“Why?” Some of the good feelings I had fled. Why would he want me to do that? My heart rate kicked up a notch, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about what he said.
He tilted his head. “So I can take off your clothes.”
“Oh, yes. Sure.” I did as he asked, and he pulled my dress over my head.
Max didn’t look down at my chest or check out my body. Instead, his gaze stayed on my face. “Nothing you don’t want to happen will happen. This can stop right here.”
“I do want this.” I smiled. “I was just confused, I guess.”
He kissed my chin, and then my nose. “A little dominance in bed can be fun, but not if we don’t talk about it first when we’re both dressed. Nothing even remotely like that is going to happen tonight. Or ever.”
When I spoke, the best I could manage was a small voice. “Okay, Max. Sounds good.”
He shook his head. “Nope. We’re not here yet.” He tugged me to him. “I can’t do one-night stands most of the time, and I’m feeling like you can’t, either.”
“What?”Oh fuck.I’d somehow screwed it up. “I mean…you’re right—I don’t. But I want to. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I don’t.”
He scooted next to me, tugging me to his side. “I scared you. Casual sex is great for some people, and I’m glad for them. But I think for me, there has to be something else. There has to be the connection that says you know the other person, their limits, and that you know that they know you. We could have pushed through anyway, but why bother? At the end of the day, neither of us would have gotten what we needed tonight.”
I wanted to cry, but I managed not to. He was right, and he didn’t even know how much so. I wasn’t doing this just because I wanted him. I needed to prove something, and maybe I wasn’t…able to do it. He’d just wanted to take off my dress, yet panic had started to set in.
I picked up my dress from where he’d flung it. “I’ll go home.”
“Only if you want to.” He turned my face by touching my chin until I looked at him. “I’d still like you to stay here tonight. I like having you in my space.” His smirk was fast. “I can’t believe I feel that way, but I do. Let’s…spend some time together.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “Like…friends?”
“Like friends who are half naked in a bed together. Hope, we may very well end up in bed together another time, just not tonight.”
Oh, I doubted that very much, but it was late, and I didn’t really want to go crawling back out to my car where they were sure to know something was wrong. I hated that I even worried about it, but my life had always been about hiding the truth from prying eyes.
