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Okay, now, I was stunned, and as stupid as it was, I felt betrayed again.Even though they had been married, I had always felt like the connection I had with Wilder was deeper than what they had.If I had been the one to marry him, I would have done everything in my power to keep him.I would have fought for us.
I walked over to the small table, needing to get a grip.There was no need to be upset about this now.It was the past.Still, it felt as if I’d been kept in the dark.Not trusted.It stung.Pulling out a chair, I sat down and opened my water.
A plate with a grilled cheese with the edges cut off was set in front of me.I looked up at Wilder, who seemed like he was going to say something.But he didn’t.He just stared at me for a moment.The pulse in his neck caught my attention and then the way his neck flexed as he swallowed.
He turned and walked back to the stove.
“You cut off the crust,” I said, glancing back at the grilled cheese.
“You don’t like the crust,” he replied.
That did things to my chest that I wished it hadn’t.“Yeah, but you remembered.”
He stilled, then looked back at me over his shoulder.“I remember everything,” he said to me before putting another grilled cheese on a plate.
“Is that a requirement in the Mafia?To remember all details,” I asked.
Wilder turned and walked over to the table.“It helps.But that’s not why I remembered how you liked your grilled cheese.”
My eyes fell to his tattoo again, and I was going to ask, but first, I wanted to hear what he was about to say.Tearing my attention off his abs, I lifted my eyes back to his face.“Then, why did you?”
He set his plate down and sighed before taking the chair across from me.“Because, Oakley, every-damn-thing about you is seared in my brain.Not something I can control.”
For a moment, I stopped breathing.Had I heard him correctly?
He nodded his head toward my plate.“Eat.”
I picked up my sandwich but then realized I was obeying him and stopped.We were gonna have this conversation.He wasn’t going to say something like that and force me to forget it.
“Why is everything about me seared in your brain?”
He lifted his eyes to mine and took a drink from his can of beer.The power those dark eyes used to hold over me.Who was I kidding?They still did.They reached me in a way no one else’s could.They had since the first time he’d looked at me.
“We’re stuck together in a room carved inside a mountain for an undetermined amount of time.Do you really think it is wise for us to dig into that?”
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
“Why not, Wilder?What else is there to do?”
He set his beer down with more force than necessary, causing the tiny table to shake.“Don’t, Oakley.Whatever it is you think you’re doing, don’t.”
“You hate me that much?”
Wilder shot up out of his seat.“It’s not fucking hate,” he said loud enough for it to be a borderline shout, then stalked across the room.
I turned and watched as he ran a hand through his hair.
“I wish I hated you.I wish I could hate you.”
When he finally turned and his eyes met mine, my heart sped up.From fear of what he would say next to hope that it was something I could cling to, not something that would slice me open.Again.
“You were the only one I trusted in that family.And you were the one who stood up there in front of that judge and said my lifestyle wasn’t appropriate for a child.That she needed her mother.I know you weren’t the only person that spoke that day, but you were the only one I thought I could trust to defend me.And you didn’t.”
He sighed heavily.“But then you became Sarah’s favorite person.Her source of security and everything her mom should have been.She adores you, and I know you’d die for her.That … that makes it impossible to hate you.”
So, it was all about Sarah.Our past was only still living in my head.My heart.I was the one who couldn’t let it go.Just like in life, I was alone in this too.Thinking it and knowing it were two different scenarios.I wished, now, I hadn’t pushed.I’d stupidly thought I would get him to admit he felt something for me.That he always had.That it wasn’t just me who was unable to stop feeling things.
“I see,” I managed to say, then turned back around and picked up my sandwich.My stomach rebelled at the thought of eating, but I wasn’t going to let him know the level of my disappointment.
