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My mother’s jaw drops at the audacity.
And right now, after last night, I’m feeling like an audacious bitch. I walk Alex to Ol’ Rusty and unlock the doors, then get inside and start the engine.
Alex turns to me, frowning. “That’s your mom?”
“Yeah.”
“She’s kind of mean.”
“A bully,” I say, finally voicing it. “Remember what we talked about when it comes to them?”
“That you have to stand up to them,” Alex replies.
“Yeah.” And I can’t afford to show Alex anything different. What kind of person will I be if I tell her one thing and do another? I don’t glance in my rearview mirror as we drive off because I don’t care whether my mother is angry anymore.
There are more important things than what she thinks. I put on the radio and smile as Alex bobs along to a song.
Twenty-Nine
CASH
For the firsttime since my mother got sick, I’ve had a good day.
I worked hard, Jesse dropped by to shoot the shit, and Dad was sober and worked alongside me. Every fucking thing fell into place today, and I’m sure it’s because of June. One night with June and my world is righting itself.
I want her for longer than the summer. I want her to stay, but I have to be careful because if I screw this up, I’ll hurt more than just myself, more than June.
I swore off commitment, but it’s hard when it comes to her.
I park my pickup outside the house and stare up at it. Memories flood back, my hands on June’s body, the way she clawed at the sheets and bit down on the pillow to stop from screaming.
I would give anything to hear her scream my name. One of these nights, Alex will be away at Ganny’s and we can have the space to ourselves.
The early summer evening is quiet, broken by Joe’s dog, Ballbuster, barking down the street. Stepping inside, I’m treated to the sounds of laughter and the scent of fresh-baked cookies.
“Dad!” Alex rushes into the hall and throws her arms around my middle. She’s covered in flour, and I guess I am too now.
“Hey, honey.” I sweep her hair back from her forehead. She’s got those purple ribbons in her hair again. “How was your day?”
“Awesome! June took me to practice our song with Daisy. We met Daisy’s mom, and she invited me for a sleepover, but June says you have to meet her first because you’re the dad.” Alex rattles that off at high speed. “But I really want to go, Dad. Please can I go? Please?”
It’s the first time she’s been invited to a slumber party in a long time. Things have been difficult since she started middle school. “Did you meet her dad too?”
“No, she doesn’t have one. She has two moms,” Alex says. “And they’re both really nice. Please, Dad.”
It’s like my daughter has come alive again, her blue eyes sparkling. “I don’t see why it would be a problem. But yeah, let me talk to the moms first.”
“Yes.” Alex pumps her fist in the air like she’s already won the battle, even though there wasn’t one.
I go into the kitchen and find June in front of the oven, bending to peer through the window at the baking cookies. Her hair is tied back in a messy bun, and she wears cutoff jeans, a strappy top, and my oversized apron.
I want to walk up behind her and hug her, bury my face in her neck, kiss her and hold her like she’s my woman.
But she’s not. Yet.
“June and I are making chocolate chip cookies,” Alex says.
“Is that so.” I can’t keep the hungry bite from my tone as I take in the nanny, standing in my kitchen, looking like a snack herself.
