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“That’s why she didn’t get on the bus.” Why didn’t Alex tell me this?
“I think so,” June says. “But making a huge deal out of that, well, she might withdraw. I haven’t been around that long, so you’ll know the best way forward. I’m just telling you what I’ve observed.”
“You’ve always had good intuition when it comes to this stuff.”
“Probably because I’ve spent my life trying to appease my mother, but whatever,” she jokes. There’s a hint of pain there, and I hate it.
I sit back on the porch swing, laying one hand over the back of it. I’m close enough to touch her, but I don’t.
“So,” I say, “how are you liking the job?”
“I love it,” June replies instantly, her cheeks pink. Her gaze darts toward me and then out to the backyard. “It’s great. Alex is fun to be around, and you have a lovely home.”
“Thank you. I tried to make it as warm as it was when my mother was alive.”
“I’m so sorry about that, Cash,” June says. “Why did your dad move out?”
I take a swig of beer. “Didn’t want the memories, so he moved in with Ganny.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I say, irritated about the apology. She spends too much time doing that. Almost like she’s apologizing for taking up space that is rightfully hers.
Another quiet, which stretches longer than the first. Why is she here? What happened to her?
June breaks the silence. “What happened, Cash?”
“Huh?”
“I know we lost contact,” she says, “but when we used to write, you and Olivia were touring. Everything seemed to be going great.”
I freeze up for a second. “We broke up,” I say slowly. “She, uh, she wasn’t the person I thought she was, and things weren’t good from the start. Maybe they looked that way from the outside, but they weren’t. Olivia isn’t part of Alex’s life by choice. She signed away her rights to me. She’s not even allowed near her because I took out a court order. Drugs.” I don’t want to talk more about it, but if she pushes me, well, fuck, it’s not like I can refuse her.
It’s June, for fuck’s sake. I’ve looked her up countless times over the years, whenever I’m lonely or I think back on those old days. The hot summers we spent kidding around out at the quarry or at Ganny’s or haunting Marci’s dad’s diner.
“Oh. I’m sorry, Cash. I had no idea that had happened,” June says. “I hope she got the help she needed.”
“I offered. She didn’t want it.” And then I take a sip of beer and look away. “Anyway.”
“I noticed you don’t play music anymore. I miss the sound of your voice, Cash. You’re talented. But you know that. I’m sure all those flowers and panties women threw on stage were enough of an indicator.” She grins, devilishly cute.
But it hurts like a son of a bitch.
“Yeah. I don’t do that anymore. Don’t have room for it in my life. Alex and my family are all that matters now.”
Again, June looks like she wants to question me but shakes her head like she thinks better of it.
That irritates me too because she’s worried about making me uncomfortable. So worried that she’d rather not get answers to her questions.
Fuck, I want her. I want her, and I can’t have her, and it’s been two fucking days and it’s already impossible to bear. I don’t do sex with random women, I don’t want an emotional attachment, but June is difficult.
“What about you?” I ask. “What brings you back to Heatstroke?”
She opens her mouth.
I raise a finger. “And don’t give me that shit about getting back on your feet.”
“It’s not shit,” June says, tossing her hair back. June’s always had a hot streak, and I’ve always liked it. “I am getting back on my feet. I’m going to apply to colleges and get a teaching degree, and then I’m going to find a nice place to settle down and start living the life I’ve always wanted to live. And this time, nobody, not a man or anyone, is going to stop me. Particularly not any assholes. I’ve recently discovered I have an aversion to assholes.”
