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Not wanting to burden Rooster with my relationship woes, I took a deep breath as he fished a thick envelope out of his pocket.
“Not much shopping time on this mission, so I improvised.” He gave me a lopsided grin that revealed dimples. “Bunch of index cards became IOUs for dish duty, chores, and a couple of…personal favors.”
“You guys are couple goals.” I carefully accepted his precious cargo, taking time to stow the envelope where it wouldn’t get creased. “Now go get some rest.”
“Will do.” Rooster jogged away, leaving me alone again with my thoughts. I was half a planet away from Zeb and keenly felt every mile, but for the first time since departing on Christmas, I felt hope. Maybe Zeb wouldn’t want to hear what I had to say, but I had hours of flight ahead of me to figure out exactly how to fight for us.
Thirty
ZEB
DECEMBER 29TH
“Sleeping babies are the best.” I smiled down at Plum, swaddled in a lilac blanket and matching hat. We’d scored the rocking chair, the same one my mom had used to rock Gabe and me. Gabe and Pine reclined on the couch, Pine dozing with soft little snores on Gabe’s chest in a green sleeper. Their personalities were starting to emerge—Plum loved rocking and snug swaddles while Pine preferred endless marching around on one of our shoulders and hated any blanket or wrap. “Go us. Simultaneous nap time for the win.”
“Thanks for your help.” Gabe offered me a sleepy smile. I’d come for the morning so Paige and Aunt Lucy could rest. “You and I make a pretty good team, bro. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
“About that…” I’d come to visit to see how the babies were faring at home, but I’d also arrived with a secondary purpose. My pulse pounded. The Seasons annual after-Christmas sale was done, and the shop would be closed until after New Year’s in keeping with our traditions. This was my best opportunity, both for this conversation and for what I needed to do, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t terrified.
“What’s wrong?” Gabe barked, which made Pine give an angry huff before going back to sleep. “Sorry. That came out harsh. You were right the other day. Anxiety continues to be a big issue for me. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment on the fifth though.”
“Good for you.” I offered him a reassuring smile. “And it’s okay. Nothing is wrong, but I did want to talk to you.”
“Shoot.” His tone was far gentler now, which gave me the shot of courage I needed.
“I need to take a leave of absence of sorts.”
“From Seasons?” Gabe’s forehead creased as he patted Pine’s little rump. “So you can focus on your gaming channel? Yeah, that makes sense.”
“Kind of. That’s part of it, but I’m…taking a trip.” Gah. I’d expected this to be hard, but each word felt sharp and icy and dangerous.
“A trip?”
“A road trip. To Virginia.” I inhaled sharply. Eventually, I’d get the whole truth out.
“Oh.” Gabe nodded, then his eyes went wider. “Oh. Is there something else you’d like to tell me, Zebediah?”
“I’m in love with Atlas.” I rocked a little faster in the chair.
“No shit. You’ve had a crush since…” Gabe trailed off as he peered more intently at me. “Wait. You’re serious. Like serious.”
“Yeah. I’m serious. I love him.”
“Like, in theory, or like you guys have been carrying on in secret? That’s it, isn’t it?” Gabe kept his voice low enough to not wake the babies, but his pain came through loud and clear. “Because you thought I’d judge?”
“It didn’t start out…” I quirked my mouth. This wasn’t the time for excuses. “I’m sorry. The secretive thing was shitty. But I didn’t want you to go all overprotective big brother and ruin your friendship with Atlas.”
Gabe took a long pause, breathing in and out like he was counting. “I suppose that was a valid worry. I do have a track record. But I like to think I’ve also been supportive.”
“You have. Always.” From the moment I’d first come out, Gabe had always had my back. “Keeping on the down-low was all about your long-standing friendship rather than worry you’d be judgmental.”
“Well, if you’re both happy… I mean, I take it he feels the same way?” Gabe smiled nervously.
“I think. I’m not sure.” I shrugged, heart starting to hammer again. “But regardless, this is a leap I have to take. I need to find out. Need to give this—him, us—a chance.”
“Wow.” Gabe took another of those measured pauses. “As someone who knows a thing or thirty about unrequited and complicated feelings, the leap can be worth it.” He looked fondly down at baby Pine. “But you also have to protect your heart. And if he hurts you…”
Shifting Plum to one side, I held up a hand. “No big-brother theatrics, remember? He doesn’t know I’m telling you any of this. But I couldn’t leave town without an explanation. And we’re brothers. Family. I owe you the truth.”
