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The Colorado sunlight seemed brighter than Vermont. Boone scanned the pretty yellow of the Aspen trees, mixed in amongst the evergreens. He breathed in the crisp mountain air.
“Haven’t seen you this relaxed…ever,” Shep said.
Boone shrugged a shoulder.
“It’s because of her.” Shep sipped his coffee. “You’re falling for her.”
Boone shifted, his gut tying in knots. “She’s in danger. I had no right to touch her. I’m her protection.”
“She isn’t a job. You’re more than just her bodyguard.” Shep’s gaze met Boone’s, his face serious. “You couldn’t pay me to put up with a woman, but there’s no doubt looking at you that you’re fucking happy right now.”
“Shit.” Boone sipped his coffee and burned his tongue. “I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want the feelings. When you let people close…” It hurt when you fucking lost them.
Shep gripped his shoulder. “I know you lost your family, Boone. Your parents and your uncle. Then we lost Charlie, Julio, and Miles.” Shep looked away and dragged in a breath. “None of them would want you to be unhappy.”
“I couldn’t save them.”
“You arenotto blame for their deaths, Boone. You barely made it out alive. When we got there, those fuckers were about to kill you.”
Vander, Shep, and the others had arrived just in time. Sometimes, Boone wished they hadn’t rescued him. That he’d died with his friends.
“They knew what they signed up for,” Shep said. “We all did. They sure as hell wouldn’t blame you.”
Boone noted Shep didn’t include himself in that little speech. He knew Shep struggled with it as well. The death of their friends was just the culmination of a long line of things that had eaten at them.
“The shit creeps up on you sometimes.” Shep’s jaw tightened. “It sucks we lost them. It sucks that I wasn’t in time. It will always suck.”
“I often wish it had been me.” Boone dragged a hand through his hair. “That Julio was still here with his kids. Teaching Eddie to ride a fucking bike.”
“I know you taught his kid to ride a bike.”
“And I know you bought the bike for him.”
All the Ghost Ops team members looked in on the families of Julio, Charlie, and Miles. Boone tried to get down to see Julio’s kids a couple of times a year. He checked in on Charlie’s widow, and had walked Miles’ former fiancée down the aisle after she’d met a new guy. The night before the wedding, she’d cried on Boone’s shoulder, still grieving for the man she’d lost.
“Their families will be looked after. Vander and the rest of the team make sure of it.” Shep paused. “The guys would be pissed if you weren’t enjoying life, living life, because of the guilt.”
Boone sipped his coffee. He knew Shep wasn’t wrong. But it was one thing to know something in your head, and another to believe it in your heart. “Then they’d be pissed at you. Hiding up here.”
Shep growled. “I’mnothiding. I’m happy. I don’t want people in my business constantly.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “And this isn’t about me. The guys would bereallypissed if you let that beautiful woman who can fucking bake slip through your fingers.”
“She’s so…good, Shep. She’s been through her own crap, but she’s still sweet and light, smiles all the time.”
“Grab onto that, Boone.”
“I’ve got to keep her safe first.”
“And I’ll help you. Whatever you need.”
“Boone?” Gemma’s voice came from inside. “Can you tell Shep I’m cooking dinner tonight? As a thank you. Is there a particular meal he’d like—?”
“Spaghetti and meatballs,” Shep said without hesitation.
Boone heard the sweet sound of Gemma’s laugh. “Got it. And for dessert?”
“Apple pie.”
“Then make sure you’re hungry,” she called out.
