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North, Don, Frost, and I rush to her side, words of reassurance pouring out. The hospital staff is quick to take over, shooing us away so that they can give her a thorough check-up. I hate to leave her when we’ve only just got her back, but the needto know she’s okay wins over the war of wanting to keep her in my sights.
The wait feels endless, the clock still ticking mercilessly. Finally, a weary-looking nurse comes to us. “She’s physically fine, just a bit shaken and dehydrated. You can see her now and she can go home in a couple of hours.”
As we enter the room, Candy looks up, her eyes locking with mine. The relief in seeing her safe crashes into me and steals my breath. We surround her, a mix of concern and love etched on our faces. The space is filled with the warmth of our shared love for her. Candy may be physically unharmed, but the emotional toll is evident. She looks exhausted, even as she musters a sleepy smile for us. We sit by her side, offering silent support, knowing that time and the comfort of familiar faces will help mend the wounds that aren’t visible as she drifts off into slumber.
CANDY
I curl up in bed, making myself as small as possible, and ignore all tentative knocks on my bedroom door. I’m glad to be here rather than at the hospital, but I don’twantto be here. I don’t want to be alone either. I wish Elle was home and I could stay with her. I don’t know. My emotions are a mess.
Every time I close my eyes I’m forced to relive the last few days, which always ends with Jamie’s blank eyes staring up at me.
I shiver. I can’t seem to get warm. I’m still weak because I can’t bring myself to eat or drink or move. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even want answers. I’m just so tired. I wish I could sleep. But in the darkness the nightmares – past and present – come for me.
I lay there in bed, staring up at the ceiling, a heavy sense of dread weighing down on me. I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want anyone to see me either. Not like this. Not broken and vulnerable.
My mind kept wandering back to Jamie, his lifeless body lying on the ground, his eyes staring up at me accusingly. I never loved him, but I didn’t want him dead. The group who rescued me told me he was responsible for my kidnapping and that hehad tried to negotiate his freedom by offering them me, and so he deserved to die – their words, not mine. But now he’s gone, and I’m left with this unbearable emptiness inside that I can’t understand.
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I’m too numb to cry. Too exhausted to feel anything anymore.
Suddenly, there’s a creaking sound, and I turn my head to see the door slowly opening. At first, I think it might be Elle – ridiculous – but then he’s standing there, silhouetted by the hallway light.
“Please, Sugar. Can I come in?” I shake my head no and Don’s shoulder sag. “Okay, love. But I’m going to bring you up some food that Wint’s heating up for you. Lasagne. Mama Russo made it especially for you. She sends her love.”
I shake my head as those defiant tears threaten to fall, and Don misinterprets my action. “You have to eat, baby, please.”
I roll away. I don’t want to eat. I want to go back in time and convince the guys to stay home Christmas Day and not go to the club. Everything was perfect then.
Don stands there for a moment longer, his eyes lingering on me before he finally turns and leaves the room, closing the door softly behind him.
I lay there in silence, listening to the sound of his footsteps fade away. The weight of my guilt and grief feels like it’s crushing me, suffocating me. I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I am. I saw plenty of fucked up shit on the streets, but nothing affected me like this has. Maybe it’s because I never really knew those people on the streets. Maybe it’s because my heart was hardened then, whereas now it’s soft. Thanks to falling for my bosses.
Because I have fallen for them. For all of them. The whole time I was locked up – two days Odile told me, even though it feltso much longer – the only thing that kept me going was thoughts of them. Their scents, their smiles, the names they called me, the ways they loved me.
After a few minutes, I force myself to sit up. My head is spinning, but I steady myself and take a deep breath. I can do this. I can’t keep wallowing in self-pity forever.
It takes tremendous effort, but I manage to get out of bed and make my way over to the window on shaky legs, staring out at the bleak morning sky. A part of me wishes I could just jump out and fly away, leave all of this pain and unresolved trauma behind. But I know that’s not possible. I have to face my demons head-on, no matter how much it hurts.
And that starts with a shower.
It’s a battle to stand and walk all the way to the en suite bathroom, and I have to pause several times. But I make it.
Turning on the faucet and letting the warm water cascade over me, I wash away the grime of the past few days. The steam envelops me, and for a moment, I’m transported to a different world. A world where I’m not constantly haunted by the memories of Jamie’s lifeless body and my own captivity.
But the reprieve doesn’t last long. The memories flood back, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. I lean against the wall, letting the water and the tears mix together and wash away the pain.
Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I jump, startled. It’s Frost this time, his eyes filled with concern.
“Can I join you, Bambi?” he asks gently.
I nod my head, unable to form words. All I can think about is the fear and desperation I felt in that dark room, and how I never want to feel that way again and how maybe, just maybe, Frost could be the one to push those demons back and keep them at bay, like the time in the club.
Frost steps into the shower fully clothed, wraps his arms around me, and pulls me close. I lean into his embrace, letting his warmth seep into my bones. The water cascades over us, creating a cocoon of steam and heat that feels like a refuge from the world. Frost runs his hands over my body, his touch gentle and soothing. I close my eyes and let myself be carried away by the sensation, the fear and pain momentarily forgotten.
But as the hot water begins to run out, the reality of my situation comes crashing down on me once again. I pull away from Frost and step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body. He tries to follow me, but I shake my head no, indicating that I need to be alone.
I walk back to my room, feeling more alone than ever. The memories of my captivity and Jamie’s death weigh heavily on me, and I don’t know how to move forward. All I know is that I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay. I need to face the truth. I need to know why strangers saved me. Where they all were. And why the hell Dash ripped my heart out before I was taken.
FROST
