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I take a deep breath and stand tall. He still towers over me, but I’m done cowering before him. “I’m upset because you asked me to trust you, promised me answers, and have deliberately avoided me since, so that you don’t have to keep up your end of the bargain!”
“I—” he takes a breath and then all of the fight seems to leave him. His shoulders sag and he looks ashamed of himself. “You’re right.”
“I am?” I blink.
“I have been avoiding you,” he admits.
“Oh.” I expected more of a fight. “Because you don’t want to tell me the truth?”
“No, Malia.” He shakes his head, and I swear my heart flips at him using my first name like that. “You deserve answers, and I want to give you them. I just don’t have them all yet.”
“I don’t need everything…” I whisper. “Just give me…something.”
“I know. I realise that now. And I’ll give you what I can. Soon. I promise. Just…trust me a little longer, okay? I’m doing my best to get answers for you.”
“But you could have just said that, instead of avoiding me and making me think…” I stop my stupid tongue from running away with itself.
“What did I make you think?” he asks, reaching out to cup my cheek in his hand. My heart pounds so hard it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumble, staring at the floor.
“You think I regret kissing you?” He strokes his thumb over my cheekbone.
Feeling brave, I raise my gaze to his. “Don’t you?”
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“So youdoregret it.”
“Never. I’ve been avoiding you because I don’t trust myself around you. Not because I didn’t want to give you answers, but because I want to kiss you again. And I know that if I’m around you, my control will snap. And I’ll not stop.”
Oh.Oh. What do I say to that?
I blink and he’s right before me, somehow closer than before. My breath catches as he leans in.
“Malia—” he sounds pained. Agonised.
I know how he feels. This push and pull between us is too much. The constant hot and cold. His oil to my water. The gasoline threatens to combust between us…I feel like if we gave in, the world would burn.
It would be worth it.
I close the gap between us. Our lips are close enough to touch, if one of us just gives in that final millimetre...
“Dinner’s ready!” A shout goes up outside, making us jump apart, like we were just caught doing something forbidden. Which I guess we were. Or almost were. Fake or not, to the outside world, the professor is my teacher and I’m his student. I shouldn’t want him the way I do. We shouldn’t be getting close like this.
The professor seems to realise that at the same moment I do. He drops his hand from my face like I burnt him, and takes a large step back. The distance between us allows me to breathe, but I can’t hide my sigh of disappointment.
I want to push him, want him to surrender, want to know what his control snapping will look and feel like. I think I need to know more than he does.
I want him to kiss me again.
Every thought must be written plain on my face judging by his reproachful look.
“You’re trouble.” He shakes his head. “Fuck. Let’s eat.”
Before I can reply, he’s out the door and gone, once again leaving me reeling.
Watching Malia over dinner makes me want to throw my burger down and drag her back to the cave. She’s lost her sparkle, and I don’t know why. I hope she’s not regretting what we did.
