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Or I’m going to kiss him.
I don’t even know if I want to kiss his stupid beautiful smug handsome face, but I do know that there’s an invisible force at play here, pushing us towards each other and stirring feelings in me which are confusing and compelling.
I need to kiss him like I need air to breathe.
The professor clears his throat and takes a large step back, putting much needed space between us. I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose.
This is too much.I can’t.
What I wouldn’t give to just take my medication and drift off into a dreamless sleep…
As soon as I think that, the itching bite is back with a vengeance. I rub my arms vigorously, as though I’m cold, but really I’m trying to keep from clawing at my skin, but the professor notices.
“Come on, Malia.”
I get shivers when he says my name. He so rarely uses it, tending to put distance between us by calling me Miss Van der Zee.
He holds out his hand and I stare at it like it’ll bite me. If I take it, the very least it’ll do is burn worse than the need coursing through my veins right now. Can I handle being burnt like that? Can I live without knowing what my hand feels like in his?
I stare at it, undecided.
“It’s been a huge day. Let me take your mind off…everything.”
I hesitate for a moment more before taking his hand and allowing him to guide me back inside. Why do I take his hand? Because I need whatever he’s promising me. If he isn’t going to give me my medications, I’ll gladly take whatever distraction he can offer.
“Where are we going?” I ask when he guides me, gently this time, through Cove’s room and along the corridor to a door at the end of the hallway. Until now, I’d only been in Cove and Bhodi’s bedrooms, and the bathroom. I never even noticed the other door before.
He opens it to reveal a staircase leading up into what must be the attic. He doesn’t answer my question, just leads me up the steps. Weirdly, I trust him. At the top of the stairs is a tiny landing, with a door on either side. The professor opens the door on the left. “What’s through there?” I point to the other door.
“Reef’s room. He has a view of the forest.”
“What view do you have?” I swallow nervously because that must mean the prof is taking me into his room.
“You’ll see.”
It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust in the darkness because he doesn’t switch on a light. The room is much smaller than Cove’s and Bhodi’s, with low sloping ceilings and a large Velux window. Cove’s room is neat, but lived in. Bhodi’s is chaos. This is…almost sterile.
But I love it.
There’s a low, futon-style double bed beneath the window, with crates on either side functioning as bedside tables. One holds a glass of water, the other a lamp, and there’s a dresser along the far wall. The floor is polished wood and bare. There’s not a single personal belonging on show, and everything is meticulously tidy.
“What are we doing here?” I whisper.
“Get comfortable on the bed. I’ll be right back.” He vanishes back through the door we just used, and I wrap my arms around myself. I can’t get comfy on his bed. He’s my freaking professor! Sure, he might not be a real teacher, but I can’t just get on his bed. There’s not even anything in the room I can study and pretend I was distracted by when he returns.
What am I doing? I shouldn’t be up here!
I turn to leave and smack straight into the professor. I didn’t even hear him returning.
“Not running on me, are you Miss Van der Zee?” I shiver at the way my name sounds like a caress and shake my head.
“N-no,” I lie.
“I was just getting these for you,” he explains, holding up a pair of expensive-looking wireless headphones. “Do you have your phone on you?”
I nod and pull it out of my pocket.
“Good. I’ll just connect the headphones to it and send over my playlist. I’ve got some music I think you’ll really enjoy, and the view from the bed really is spectacular.” On shaky legs I cross the small space to his bed and sit down on the edge. “In the middle. Lie back. Trust me.”
