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“She’s upstairs sleeping right now. She’s just tired more than anything.” He gets up and approaches us, helping to bring in all of Em’s gifts from her party, which Nolan was so kind to take care of in the meantime.
“I didn’t tell Em much, I didn’t wanna worry her. I just told her Mom had a cold.” I lower my voice so Em can’t hear. I don’t want to lie to her, but she’s too little to really understand anyways so it’s best she doesn’t know.
“Where’d you end up staying last night?” Dex asks as we place everything on the kitchen table. I don’t really need to hide anything from him. One, because he’s not my real dad. And even if he was, I’m an adult and I'm not ashamed of straying at Nolan’s house. So I tell the truth.
“I stayed at a friend’s house.” My smile is automatic. That’s what I’m calling us for now…friends. And I like the sound of that, though I’d like it even more withboyin front of it.
“I’m glad you weren’t alone. I know how emotionally taxing that was for you. It was for me as well.” Dexter is a sweet man. He means well and he takes great care of Em. I do believe him when he says he’s worried. And it makes me wonder why he and my mom never really tried for a real relationship after Em was born.
“You know, I was thinking about moving in with Lori.” He refers to my mom. And honestly, his admission surprised me a little.
“Really? Why?” I ask, not wanting to be nosy, but he’s the one who’s bringing it up. I push the scattered gifts out of the way and sit at the table, looking up at him for his answer.
“I just…” he trails off for a second before joining me in sitting at the table. Em is off in her room already probably playing with one of her new gifts.
“I regret not giving your mom and me a try. When she got pregnant with Emsley, I didn’t really give her the option for it to be a family thing. I just told her I’d always help with Em no matter what, and she didn’t seem too bothered by it either. Probably because we both knew that I was more of a rebound for her after your dad…” Dexter fades off again. And I know exactly what he’s talking about. We all knew my mom wasn’t in her right headspace after my dad passed. And things with Dexter happened so quickly, I don’t blame him for being cautious.
“Have you talked to Mom about all this?” I ask him.
“Yeah, we’ve been talking on and off about the idea of being together again and me possibly moving in with her here. I would see Em more, and I’d be able to be there for her if she needs me. I really do care about her.” He rubs the back of his neck with his hand, his eye contact is reassuring about his intentions with my mom. Not that I’d ever question him, he’s done nothing but provide love and care for my little sister. And he really wants to do the same for my mom as well. That can only make things better.
“Well, you have my approval if that’s what you’re seeking.” I give him a small smile. I really do like Dex. He’s not my dad, that’s for sure. But he’s trying with Em. He’s trying with my mom.
I’ll admit, it’s hard knowing that my mom would ever be with anyone other than my dad. But he’d want her to move on and be happy. That’s just who he was. So full of life, caring for anyone who he crossed paths with, and so optimistic. He’s the reason why I pursued the life I thought I wanted to live, because he believed in the power of dreams. And though I was wrong about what I really wanted in life, he’d still tell me that he was proud of me and that my true meaning would come to light soon enough.
He was my number one fan. I hope Dexter can be that for Emsley someday.
“Lookie! Lookie!” Emsley breaks up the silence—I hadn’t realized that Dex had gotten up from the table and walked into the kitchen—running out from her room dressed in a bright purple-sparkle dress, fake glass slippers, a tiara on her head, and twirls three times before planting her feet and throwing her shield wielding fist up into the air. “I’m the most powerful princess in the world!”
Dex and I stop dead and die of laughter. The world would be a dull place without this beautiful little soul in it.
And then it starts again, the thoughts of being something more than just someone’s big sister. Thoughts of unconditional love. A reason for living.My true meaning.
sixteen
Nolan
IseeherJeeppull into the parking lot of my apartment building, and believe it or not, I’m nervous again. I’ve been dying to see her face again. I was relieved when she asked me to meet her here.
I spent most of the day yesterday taking AriaPokémonhunting. Her idea, not mine. And today we spent the day at home, coloring and playing teatime with her royal teddy bears.
I was nervous about taking Aria to Mitch’s for the night. But I know I can trust him with his niece, and she loves Uncle Mitch. Says he makes the best smores she’s ever had.
Dakota said she was able to leave Em with Dex and her mom for the night. So we both have the whole night freed up.
“Hey,” Dakota greets me as she approaches. Her smile is full, her eyes are glowing, and her freckles are brightly scattered across her nose. She’s wearing a white sun dress that compliments her hair which is down in loose beach waves. And a jean jacket layers her shoulder. She’s breathtaking.
“Hi,” I say as she reaches me at the front of my building. I lean in and kiss her cheek. “Are you ready for this?” I ask, holding out a black blindfold.
“Honestly, yes and no.” Her tone wavers as she gives me a slight giggle, like she really is on the fence about what I have planned for us.
“Do you trust me?” I look at her eyes deeply, trying to sense whether this is actually a good idea or not. It’s out-of-the-box crazy. Even I know that. But I like to think it’ll top anything she’s ever done, and I crave that feeling.
My whole life I’ve lived inside the lines. And though we’ve only known each other for a short period of time, she kind of makes me feel like I can step outside of those lines, find a side of me that I am not used to but truly enjoy.
“Nolan, you do realize this is only our second date and you are asking me if I trust you?” She crosses her arms at her chest and her smile is just as adorable as that fucking attitude.
“Just a little trust. I really think you’ll enjoy this. It’s only about forty-five minutes out and we need to go before it starts getting dark.” I look over her, out at the sun. It’s a little over two hours from setting and I need the sun up for what I intend. Plus, I have someone waiting on us. “Besides, considering what we did on our first date—”
