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“No.” I stand my ground as I face him one last time. “I will not wait around any longer. Screw this relationship. Screw the engagement. And screw your cheating ass. Fuck you, Asher. Don’t even think aboutattemptingto call me. Hope she was worth it.” And before he gets the chance to open his lying mouth, I turn to the door, slamming it behind me and walking straight to my rental car.
The tears never come.
I board my plane, sliding into the window seat. Still, no tears.Good, he doesn’t deserve them.Though I can’t help but wonder when it’s going to hit me that I’ve wasted nearly five years of my life on an undeserving loser. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pissed that he had the audacity to do this to me. And unfortunately, I’m grateful I caught him. The universe has impeccable timing and I can’t imagine how long this would have gone on if I hadn’t actually walked in on it.
Once we get through that take-off turbulence, I let the motions of the plane flying high into the sky bring me to a calming sleep as I make my way back home. My mind floods with everything that has changed in the past year, and it’s almost like a fever dream.
After my dad died, I told myself I’d take no chances missing out on what life has to offer me. That’s probably why I jumped into this engagement, long relationship or not. I just wanted to make my dad proud. But it seems that moving back home has done nothing but take me backwards step by step, day by day.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because I am happy to be back home. But at what point do I get to feel accomplished in life? When do I get my shine back?
There has to be more.
Nolan
“Fuck this shit, Jessica. I’m not doing this with you anymore.”
“Well, I don’t want to sign the papers, Nol.”
“And I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t hold a civil conversation. And let’s not forget the pass you made at my brother onmybirthdaylast weekend.”
I throw the file on the dark oak kitchen table, papers sliding every which way, and Jessica winces sarcastically. Her act of seeming surprised causes me to roll my eyes because I know that she couldn’t really care less.
“Do you really want to go through with this? Do you really want Aria to grow up without—”
“Don’t you fucking dare, Jess. Leave Aria out of this. We’re going to have some serious problems if you try to throw our daughter into the middle of this.” I run my calloused hand through my hair, already a mess as it is after a long day at work.
“Is that a threat?” Her tone is bold but small all at the same time.
She knows our time is up, but she’s too fucking stubborn to accept it. Because she knows damn well no other man will put up with her shit willingly. The only reason I have put up with it for this long is for the sake of our daughter.
Jessica pulls a strand of her bleach blonde hair behind her ear. Her dark blue eyes search for my brown ones, but I do everything I can these days to avoid eye contact.
“It’s not a threat more than it is a promise. This will get a lot messier if you try to put Aria in the middle. She has nothing to do with this; this is between you and me. Now, act like a fucking adult and just sign the goddamn papers, will you? You don’t want to stay with me anymore than I want to stay with you.” I stand in between the kitchen and dining area, leaning against the kitchen island.
I can’t believe this is where I’ve ended up all these years later. I look at my wife—soon-to-be-ex-wife—and see someone who I fell so deeply in love with nearly seven years ago. Or at least back then itfeltlike love. But when you’re a few years shy of forty, you really start to take a look back at your life and reevaluate.
My evaluation is, unfortunately, a shitty one. I partied a little too much, met a hot chick who had a wild side, ended up getting her pregnant, and then tried to do the right thing by proposing to her. It didn’t seem like a bad idea at the time. But seven years later I can see that it was, in fact, a bad idea.
I fucked around a lot in my twenties, so I thought this was the kick in the ass from the universe I needed, settling down with Jessica. The only good thing that came from this relationship was my little girl. She deserves far better than the mess that Jessica and I have become.
“I didn’t make a pass at Mitch. He made a pass atme. And besides, we were drunk, Nol. You can’t seriously blame me for something I have no recollection of. Nothing even happened.”
“Iwasn’t drunk, Jessica. I had to keep an eye on you, remember? And you recall enough to claim thathemade the move, so don’t come at me with your lies, Jess. You know you’ve been looking for an out for a while, and I’m giving it to you on a silver fucking platter.” I reach behind me into the junk drawer, pull out a pen, and toss it toward her. It lands directly on the pile of papers inches in front of her as she pulls out a chair and sits. “Sign the damn papers so we can move on with our lives.”
“And everything stays the same that we agreed on?” She hesitates, but her fingers find the pen.
“You get the house in return for no child support or alimony. We split weeks with Aria. And if either of us try to pull some shit with the custody, we go back to court and handle this the hard way. This will be painless if you just let go. You need to let me go.” I look into her eyes; tears start to prick in them as she fiddles with the papers trying to straighten them out and pull them closer to her.
“You know I never meant to hurt you. You know that, don’t you, Nolan? I just…I haven’t been myself.” The pen in her hand hovers over the signature line, my freedom just a swipe of ink away.
Not that I know what I’m going to do with said freedom other than get my mind right. My main focus is my little girl and work. I just need to pick back up like Jessica never happened. It sounds shitty, but she’s really fucked with my mindset. I’m ready to escape her grip so I can figure out what comes next.
There are a million hurtful things I could say, but I bite my tongue because I know she’s not a bad person. She’s just bad for this relationship.
“Yes, Jess. I know.”
With a shaky breath and deep sigh, her hand scribbles over the line. Then another. And another. And in less time than it took for us to vow into this marriage, the divorce papers are signed.
