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Leaning against that door and hearing the small noises escape her was a sin. Did it make me look like a creep? Fuck no. She was inmyhouse.
No matter what I was doing over the weekend, whether it was dropping Aria off, or planning out the next few months of projects for work, those stunning green eyes had my attention locked to say the least.
“Dude, is anyone home?” Josh smacks the back of my head and knocks me out of my daydream.
“What the hell?” I answer, rubbing the back of my head.
“I’m standing here, answering your questions about the week’s plans and you just zone out.” We’re standing at the site; the Monday late-afternoon sun shines golden rays all around us, no evidence of the storm from Friday or Saturday is left behind. Everything is still intact the way we set it up.
This week is Jessica’s week with Aria so I tend to work on site more those weeks, considering I can arrive earlier and leave later.
“Sorry, man. I, uh, I had the weirdest weekend,” I finally respond to Josh; not entirely a lie but he doesn’t need to know the truth.
“Elaborate.”
Shit.
I really don’t want to go into detail about how I might have crossed a small line with my daughter’s best friend’s older sister. And how she fingered herself in my bathroom. And how it turned me on. How I almost,almost, jacked off a few times over the weekend to the sounds I remember hearing her make through the door. And I really don’t want to have to tell him that I almost had the urge to kiss her while I was bandaging up her cuts. All of that sounds super desperate and pathetic.
“Just some personal shit.” I keep it simple, as we walk up to my truck.
“Whatever. Cryptic as always, Nolan.” Josh rolls his eyes before throwing the last of the hand-held tools in the bed of my truck and turning to head toward his own. “See you tomorrow.” He throws his hand in the air and chucks up a peace sign at me.
I hop into my truck and start the engine. I roll down the windows and take in a long breath of fresh North Carolina air but all I can smell is her sweet lavender scent. The way she watched me clean the blood from her fingers. How she seemed shy, but I know that she’s not.
After Jessica and I called it off, I thought it would be hard to settle into a life where starting over means being alone. But it was easy when I realized how much attention Aria truly needed from me as a single dad, and honestly, no woman had ever been tempting enough. Until now.
But I can’t go there?Can I?
I mean, but why not?
I’m a grown man, and if I want to date, that’s perfectly okay, right? Just because I had a shitty marriage doesn’t mean I have to be alone the rest of my life.
But the real question is: am I ready to give my heart to another, only to have it crushed again?
It’s just a date,I tell myself, it doesn’t mean I’m going into another marriage. Maybe it’ll be fun.
I reach for my phone and do the most unthinkable thing I’ve done in a while—well, maybe besides nearly kissing a girl I hardly know at what was supposed to be a playdate for my daughter. But when I find myself dialing the number and listening for an answer, I almost instantly regret it when I get one.
“What’s up, brother?”
“Wait, so you mean to tell me that you almost kissed her after you wrapped up her bloody finger? That’s not anything except romantic, little bro.” Mitch’s voice booms throughout the bar as we wait for the waiter to refill our beers.
After giving him a call, he invited me to a bar about thirty minutes away. Neither of us have been here before, but the only other bar would be the one we went to on my last birthday. The one where I saw Jessica flirting with every man in attendance, my brother included.
Despite the problems we’ve gone through, he was always one that I could count on. I mean, before everything happened between him and my ex-wife. But I realized that if I was ever going to try and navigate dating, I’d have to get over it eventually. It didn’t really hurt me as much knowing that Jessica cheated, more so than the fact that it was with my brother.
“You call that being romantic?” I question Mitch.
“Of course it’s romantic.” He laughs.
Bar patrons fill the space quickly as the sun sets, chatter and music filling the room.
“Well, I won’t be taking any romance advice from you because we all know what your idea of romance is,” I deadpan, thinking I could try and laugh off his affair with my ex, but I can tell I hit a cord I shouldn’t have. Too soon.
His face contorts to shame and pain, like he’s feeling the regret of his actions all over again. He didn’t just hurt me, he hurt his wife too, and I have to remember that because of that, his pain goes deeper than I might be able to imagine.
Even though he fucked up, it doesn’t make him a horrible person. Mistakes happen.I know I’ve had mine.
