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“No. I need an honest answer. Did you kiss some girl at her party before you came up to the room to take me home?” I feel the accusation hit me like a semi-truck. I can see the worry in her eyes, that I’m some kind of player. And truth be told, I am...was. I was that way. But Sterling changed that. Still, I need to figure out a way to explain this to her if I want a real shot at this. I need her to believe me.
“That’s why your friend glared at me...” I realize she must have seen what happened between Stephanie and me. But she obviously didn’t see the whole thing play out.
“Callan, please.”
“No. I didn’t willingly kiss anyone. That girl is another girl I used to fuck around with.” Sterling cringes at my admission. “Just once. But she found me at the party and threw herself on me.”
“And then you hit her?” Her tone sours when she asks me this and I know immediately that everything was relayed to her out of context.
“God, no, Sterling. I didn’t hit her. She forced herself on me, shebitme, so I pushed her off. She basically threw a temper tantrum when she stumbled backwards and hit the floor. I swear I’d never lay my hands on a woman like that.” I’m angry that this information made its way to her the way it did. False and accusing.
“Someone said they-”
“I don’t give a fuck what anyonesaidthey saw. You believe me or you don’t. I didn’t hit that girl. And I haven’t been with anyone else since the day I met you.” I close the space between us, lift her chin up so that her eyes can’t escape mine. The fucking power this girl has over me consumes my whole being as I try to prove to her that I have never wanted anything more than I want her.
“Let's be honest, Callan. You’ve said it yourself, this is never going to work.” Her tone is cold and pained as her words whisper over my thumb gently grazing the supple skin of her bottom lip.
“This was never going to work because I didn’t want it to,” I explain, letting go of her chin to take a step back. Her body shifts uncomfortably against the brick wall. “I did warn you, Sterling. I gave you a chance to run. But you insisted that you like playing with fire. I only gave you what you asked for. I told you this was a bad idea.” I look into her eyes to see if she’s even listening to me, rage taking over in passionate waves as I desperately try to make this girl understand. She had a chance to back out. And she chose not to. So now, she’s mine. I’ve made up my mind.
“I don’t like being told what I can and can’t have. I know what I want. But you told me this could only be a one-time thing and I was okay with that. You made me believe I was another hit and run. But I don’t believe that now. I know there’s something deeper here.”
“Then what do you want? Right now, what do you want, Sterling?”
“I’m not sure, I think I want this. But-”
“Well, I know what I want. I want you. All of you. All. To. Myself.” I grab her face and hold it in my hand, swiping my thumb eagerly at the curve of her soft, bottom lip wanting to take it in between my teeth as my other fingers press against the sensitive skin under her earlobes, creating the slightest bit of pressure.
“I don’t know, Callan.” The look of defeat spreading across her delicate face deflates me inside. I know I did this to her, I played with her emotions and allowed this to go as far as it did. “It hurt, hearing that girl say things about you that-”
“Fuck this.” I pull her into me and crash my mouth onto hers. I kiss her with so much force, so much passion, that it hurts to know she could let go and walk away.
But she doesn’t.
She tugs at my hair with her fingers, pulling me in closer as her tongue slips its way into my mouth. I groan as she deepens the kiss, rough then soft.
All-consuming.
I pull away first, feeling too much all at once as I look into her eyes. I can sense that she feels the same way I do,claimed.I swallow down the feeling building in my throat, trying to control my own emotions.
I see the war in her eyes as I rest my hand on either side of her head against the brick wall she’s backed into. We both unloaded a lot of personal stuff earlier, and I’ll admit, it felt really nice to be able to let those feelings out, especially with her. I’m not ready to let that go.
I look at her once bright blue eyes, now clouded and exhausted. I hate that this is where the night led us. I hate myself for allowing this to happen. I worry that this won’t be the last time my past will get in the way. I am fully prepared to battle each demon that pops up, for as long as she’ll let me.
“Let me take you to my place.”
“You can’t just deflect the rest of this conversation using sex, Cal.” Her tone is sarcastic as she rolls her eyes, the air seeming calmer now.
“Who said anything about sex? It’s getting dark and cold out here, I thought my living room would be a better place to talk. I can turn on the fireplace and we can put on a movie.” She looks up at me cautiously. I know this conversation isn’t over. We’ve both just said in separate ways that we need to end this. But neither of us wants to walk away.
“But we will talk about this,” she insists.
“Whatever you want, whenever you want.”
We stand awkwardly next to each other as the elevator climbs up the building to my penthouse. The ride here was quiet, knowing we’ve both said too much, and not enough, all at the same time.
When I’m around her, my mind spins in circles withwhat-ifsand the only logical thing I can be certain about is that I want her.
Ineedher.
