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It’s fun to speculate about other people’s lives rather than analyze mine.
But I was that way once. Carefree and living for the adrenaline rush life offered. Now I can’t walk into a room without marking exits, mentally naming everyone within a six-foot radius and making sure my blade is secretly tucked into its sheath at my back.
Having total recall is helpful, but a real drag most times. I’d rather forget about my life before I came to work and live at Club Genesis. But that’s not happening in this lifetime.
I trace the frosted edges of the window in front of me.
Cold, smooth. Unmoving. Only dangerous if I fall out of it. Would five floors kill me or maim me?
Blurs of reds and whites fill my vision. Horns. Someone has their car radio cranked up to a popular rap song. The heavy base and gravelly sung words filter through the thick pane of glass but just as quickly fades into nothing.
I would like to do that. Fade into the darkness. What a morose thought, but still true.
Fuck, Bailey. Dark much?
My inner voice always has something to say.
“Hey, Bailey. You okay? I think you’ve stared out that window for a good fifteen minutes.”
Concern wraps around my name.
Polaris Masters. Friend, fellow sufferer at the hands of cruel people, co-worker.
I mentally rattle off her place in my world. It helps calm my nerves and reduce the chances of a panic attack taking over. Steel brackets clamp around my heart and I have learned in my short time at Club Genesis it’s easier to take a moment and let my system adjust before opening up to the outside world.
The softness of the other woman’s voice makes me want to cry and I don’t like tears. Not willingly anyway. Her delicate way of being reminds me of the girl I used to be and I miss that person. Sometimes. She was naïve and stupid. I know that now. I’m not that girl anymore, but I wish I could be. For one more night. The things I would change and do over differently would fill a sheet of paper top to bottom.
Starting with refusing a dare that ended with my father disowning me.
Another inhale of warm air and death releases its nightly hold on my thoughts. One more and I can step out of the dark embrace. Tonight I do so willingly, but other nights it is not so easy.
I push a fake smile across my lips and force happiness into my eyes before I turn and see my new friend walk into the office.
If it can be called that. It’s more of an outer room where the executive assistant sits. Like some gatekeeper before you get to the boss. Or in this case bosses. Harlon, Cassius and Santi all lord over Club Genesis and from my short time here I think everyone considers them gods of the underworld.
Ha.If Hades had brothers these men would be them.
“Hey, sweet thang.” Another inch of smile and I’ll sell the happy girl vibes. Using the playful affection makes Polaris turn red which is what I’m after. Distract and deflect.
“Yeah. All good. You know, I love seeing the twinkling lights from this far up.” I mentally pat myself on the back for sounding relaxed.
The raven hair beauty shakes her head and wears a smirk that makes her look playful when she flirts with the darkness just as much as I do.
“Sweet thang, huh? That’s a new one.”
I shrug a slight shoulder and fall into a roll of an unbothered-by-life chick. It saves me a lot of prying from ‘worried’ friends. I tilt my head from side to side. “Like? Don’t like? I’m working on a few others. My fave is sugah t—”
A red-tipped finger juts in my direction. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Bailey Michaels,” she says around a soft laugh.
My mother’s maiden name still sounds odd to my ears. I twirl the end of my faux brunette hair, unfamiliar with this change, too. But I do what it takes to stay hidden.
I crack a slanted grin. “Just playing,” I offer ruefully.
“Yeah right and don’t lie to me.” Polaris kicks the door closed behind her, but it only shuts halfway. My friend swings her long black hair over her shoulder and plops an armful of papers down on her desk with a heavy thud.
“What? Truly, no lies. All is good.”
Her side eye tells me I’m not as good of an actress as I thought.
