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At first the trail was easy and open. The ground was soaked from the rain. Every step sent a splatter of mud up my calf. But pants could be washed and a little mud never hurt anyone. Then the brush closed in around me, and I had to be more mindful of where I was going.
Deer, it turned out, did not like straight lines. They zigzagged up the mountain in haphazard switchbacks that probably made more sense to the deer than to me. Twice I realized I had simply gone in a circle.
Rain started to fall again, because of course it did. But it was a light drizzle, and a quick study of the clouds convinced me that the weather wasn’t turning dangerous. Just mildly uncomfortable.
I could handle that.
It was beautiful here, even with the rain. Calm. Peaceful. The leaves had started to change color. The reds and golds and oranges were muted in the gray light, but even in that there was a sort of somber beauty.
I wished Michael were here to witness it with me.
What do you see?he would ask me.Say it out loud. It will help you remember. The most important thing you can do to keep from getting lost is to pay attention.
Right. I needed to pay attention.
“I see two red maples next to each other, with a boulder between them,” I said out loud. Because even though I felt stupid, the memory would be easier to recall now, and that would be useful in finding my way home again.
“The slope of the mountain is steep here. I see smaller trees leaning…huh.”
I stopped and studied the trees. Sometimes trees leaned, particularly ones that had partially fallen during a storm, but managed to stay rooted. But something about the scene made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
It wasn’t just the trees that looked strange. There was also a gash that ran several yards horizontally across the slope, as though the earth had been scooped out and shifted a foot lower. I had never seen anything like it during the hikes I had done with Michael.
But that didn’t mean anything. I knew very little about mountains when it came right down to it. Maybe gashes in mountain slopes were perfectly normal. Trees leaning as though their roots were sliding right out from under them…maybe that was also perfectly normal.
I should keep going. Maybe another hour, and I’d be at the top, laughing at this sudden fear that had gripped hold of me. The ground would hold firm, even if it looked like it could slide away at any minute. The ground couldn’t just crumble out from under me; this mountain was millions of years old. One foot in front of the other, that’s what I needed to do.
But I stayed rooted to the spot.
I couldn’t turn back. The thought of failure…a sob rose in my throat. Failure wasn’t an option I was interested in. I had to keep going. I had to prove I could do this. I could climb a mountain. I could be a good mother.
Still I didn’t move. Indecision froze me in place. Go or stay? I had to choose but how? I didn’t trust myself enough to keep going, but I didn’t trust myself enough to turn back. How was I supposed to know what the right decision was when I fundamentally distrusted the person making it?
Dammit.
But there was someone I did trust, someone I knew would make the right decision. He might not be right behind me, but he always had my back.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Michael.
Chapter 31
Michael
Ipickeduponthe first ring, because I was hers, and it would take more than a breakup to change that.
“Nora?” I asked, just to be sure.
“Hey.”
I frowned. Something was wrong. I could tell from the sound of her voice. “What’s going on? Where are you?”
“Hart Mountain.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to feel about that. “You made it? You’re at the top?”
“Not yet. I…I don’t know. I don’t want to keep going.”
That surprised me. If there was one thing I had learned about Nora in these few short months, it was that she always wanted to keep going. It didn’t matter what the challenge was. She hated to quit.
