AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“He said I had brought it on myself. I was so paranoid that he figured he might as well have an affair, because I was never going to believe him anyway.” She looked away. “Maybe that’s the truth, and it was all in my head the whole time. I’ll never know for sure. It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters.” I clenched my fists again, wanting to reach for her but knowing I shouldn’t. That wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, I took several deep breaths before I said, “Let me see if I have this right. You were married to this guy for ten years, and you spent most of that time wondering if he was cheating on you. But you couldn’t leave because you didn’t know for sure if you were right or just paranoid.”
“When you put it that way, I sound like an idiot.”
“When I put it that way, your ex sounds like an asshole.”
She shook her head.
“Nora,” I said carefully, “have you ever heard the term gaslighting?”
Her lips pursed. “It’s not that simple.”I held her gaze, willing her to see the truth through Grant’s bullshit. “A month ago I told you I would be with my dad all day, and then you saw me eating lunch with Sofia. But you didn’t ask me to explain. You saidyouhad misunderstood. Then tonight, I heard that word again, only Grant is saying it to you this time. But you did not misunderstand. You understood exactly what he was trying to convey, which was that he had to work. He lied, and then tried to cover it up as a misunderstanding. He did that your entire marriage?”
She nodded slowly.
“So he covered his own ass by making you think you were crazy. If that isn’t gaslighting, then what the hell is?”
She crossed her arms beneath her chest and regarded me with narrowed eyes. “So what if it is?”
Whatever I was expecting her to say, that wasn’t it. I stared at her, trying to make sense of the hostility rolling off her in waves. “What do you mean?”
“I get it, Michael. I’m an idiot. Obviously I should have known better. I mean, maybe it would be excusable for a year or two. But a whole decade? Who lets someone make a fool of her for a decade? I’m such a cliché.”
“Nora—” I did reach for her now, but she stepped back, putting more space between us.
“Part of me always knew, or at least suspected. Because I couldn’t reallyknowunless I walked in on them together or found some concrete proof. Something more solid than afeeling. I spent ten years in limbo, waiting for that magical moment of certainty that never came. I never trusted myself enough to make the decision when the stakes were so high. Call it gaslighting, call it whatever, but it was my own damn fault. I was the one who stayed.”
“You stayed because you wanted your marriage to work. That doesn’t make you an idiot. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re not the one who cheated.”
But she shook her head, looking troubled. “I don’t know what to do.”
“About Grant? Nothing. It’s done. You’re free of him now, and whatever shit he’s pulling with Laurie isn’t your problem.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean us. I’m not…I’m not good at this.” She paused, frustration stamped all over her face. “At relationships. I don’t know how to feel safe.”
“You’re safe with me,” I said, meaning it. She raised her brows and twisted her mouth in a sarcastic grimace. Okay, maybe she’d heard that before and it had turned out to be bullshit. Goddamn Grant. “This thing with us is good, Nora. Honest to God, it’s so fucking good. I can’t promise never to hurt you, because in every relationship there’s going to be some pain, for both of us. But I can promise to treat you with care and make the good times worth the hurt.”
Her eyes searched my face, and this time when I reached for her she didn’t pull away. “I’m not your ex, Nora. Whatever messed up relationship you had with him has nothing to do with what you have with me. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said softly.
It wasn’t okay. I knew that. But I’d let her say that for now, and I’d work my ass off to make it true. How hard could that be? Grant had set the bar so low it was in the Earth’s mantle. All I had to do wasnotcheat. It would take time to earn her trust, but for once, I could give her that. I could be patient.
“Come to bed, Nora.”
Chapter 23
Nora
Therewasalovelythirty seconds after I woke up where everything was perfect. My eyes were still closed, but I felt Michael’s warm body next to mine and the deep, even rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.
And then I remembered everything that had happened the night before and began a rapid descent to panic and despair. Michael knew my ugliest secrets. Suzie was going to kill me. And Grant—well, I didn’t care what he thought about me, actually. So that was something different. Agooddifferent.
I sighed. I couldn’t stop Grant from being an asshole. I couldn’t take back the words I’d said to Michael. But today I would try to fix things with Suzie.
Trybeing the operative word.
At least I still had Kate. When I had apologized for ruining girls’ night with my drama, Kate had said it was the best girls’ night ever, and the next time I found myself in a situation, could someone please take a picture? Then she had laughed so hard tears ran down her cheeks. I might have to cut Kate from my holiday card list this year.
