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“You’ll go. And then you’ll come back in a couple months, when your contract is done. Maybe you’ll find a few days in between rescues to get back here and check on your dad. You’ll figure something out. You don’t hang pictures in a place you don’t plan on living in. You’re not leaving, not really.”
He stared at the ceiling silently for a long moment. Then, “No, I’m not. I’m going to take Sofia up on her job offer. Oh, Christ. I guess I should buy curtains.”
I laughed, despite the panicky feeling that had taken up residence in my stomach. His decision wasn’t a surprise, really. Fuck, I should have seen this coming. It wasn’t only that he’d hung pictures on the walls. It was the look on his face when he played with his nephews and nieces, and the fear in his voice when he talked about his dad. He was needed here, but it was more than that, too. Hewantedto be here.
But what did that mean for us? We had agreed to an expiration date. It had made sense. What made sense for us now? Were we still going to break up? Was that what I wanted? It was one thing to end things because there was too much distance between us to make it work. I would have been sad, but the kind of sad I could handle.
It was a totally different thing to break up and then see him everywhere. Which I would, because Hart’s Ridge was a small town, and on top of that, he was my best friend’s brother. I couldn’t handle that. Not at all.
But staying together…yikes. If my disaster of a marriage had taught me anything, it was that I was not great at relationships. I was jealous. Irrational. Believing this thing with Michael was temporary had protected me—protectedhim—from the worst of it, but it had still reared its ugly head once or twice. Like when I had run into him having lunch with an old friend at Dreamer’s.
“I know this changes things, that I’m staying,” he said. “And you didn’t know any of this until now, because I didn’t realize it was going to matter. You had plans, and this wasn’t part of it. I’m not going to change my mind. Biological kids aren’t going to happen for me. I had a vasectomy already. If this is a deal-breaker for you, I understand. I get it. You don’t have to decide now. Sit with it a while, and then let me know.”
On that issue, at least, I knew exactly where I stood. I didn’t need time. “Michael—”
“Sit with it,” he said firmly. “It’s a big deal. All of it. Big enough that it ended my marriage. So just sit with it for a while, okay? Really think about it first.”
“Okay,” I said softly. Because even though I knewthatwasn’t an issue for me, I still hadissues. I needed time to think, even if what I was contemplating wasn’t what he had in mind.
“Hm.” He twisted a lock of my hair around his finger and studied it. “Not going to lie, it feels like shit that I gave her everything I had and I still wasn’t enough to keep her.”
It tore me up inside that she threw him away like that. But I remembered how Alison had looked at us this morning. The wistfulness in her eyes. I understood that now. On some level, Alison knew what she gave up and it ate at her. “You’ve got it all wrong, Michael.Shewas the one who wasn’t enough.”
His look undid me. The panicky feeling clawed at my chest again. How much time did I have left with him? I had to look away to pull myself together. I was feeling so many things and I didn’t have words for any of it.
“I need to give you a blow job,” I announced.
He regarded me with eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Not that I would say no either way, but is this a pity blow job? Like, hey, sorry you can’t be a father and one day you might lose control of your body and mind, so here, put your dick in my mouth?”
My hand was already working his belt buckle, but I had to stop because I was laughing too hard. “No,” I said when I could talk. “This is aI’m really glad you’re here right now, with meblow job.”
His lips tipped up into a full-on smile. “I like that answer.”
“If you would stop talking for a minute, you’ll like what I’m about to do even more,” I promised.
That shut him up quick.
And he liked it.
Chapter 20
Michael
Iwashalfasleep,floating along in post-orgasmic bliss, curled around Nora’s glorious naked body, when she asked, “How likely is it, do you think, that someone will mention to Suzie that they saw us together at the farmer’s market?”
The bliss evaporated in a puff of reality. We had seen all the usual faces this morning. I couldn’t say for sure who had witnessed our interaction at Brenda’s tent, but there was no doubt in my mind thatsomeonehad. Would that someone keep their mouth shut? Absolutely not. Gossip that juicy was hard to come by in Hart’s Ridge, and someone was going to spread it with all the glee of Santa Claus handing out presents.
It wouldn’t even be malicious. They would just happen upon Suzie at the grocery store or Dreamer’s and say something completely friendly, like,oh, it’s so great that your best friend is dating your brother. You must love that.
Which she would.
Probably.
Unless the dating was more like a casual hookup and had been going on for more than a month without either her best friend or her brother saying a goddamned word about it. Then she might be a little perturbed by the news.
“Very likely,” I said.
“Oh,” she said in a small voice.
