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Liam swallowed, his throat tight. He nodded. ‘It really is. But you and me, I think we’re doing an OK job.’
Cassie reached over and wrapped her arms around Liam’s neck. ‘Me too.’
‘Love you, Cass.’
‘Love you too, Dad.’ Cassie snuggled back underneath the duvet and rolled over. In seconds she was sleeping again, breathing faintly.
Liam stood and went to leave the room, turning to look back at his daughter as she rested peacefully. He had a lot of making up to do.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Christmas Eve
Sophie stared into the dressing room mirror (or the office-come-dressing room that had been set up at the back of the town hall). She put the finishing touches to her make-up, unaware of the chaos that was going on around her.
She rifled through her bag for the red lipstick, which seemed to have gone missing from her make-up bag. At the bottom of her holdall, she found the bauble she’d bought in London, ready to give to Liam on the night of the concert – but he wasn’t going to be there. She picked it up and turned it upside down to watch the tiny flakes of snow drift down over the treble clef and musical note. It would have been the perfect gift to say thank you for the concert – well, to say thank you for everything – if everything hadn’t gone so spectacularly wrong. She placed it carefully back in the bag, making sure she wrapped it in her spare jumper so that it wouldn’t break. Maybe she’d put it on her own tree when she got home as a reminder of how not to pursue a relationship.
With only a few minutes to go before the concert began, Sophie ran the bright red lipstick across her mouth in an attempt to give herself a little more confidence and to cheer herself up – red lipstick had a way of doing that. She admired the way it matched the red dress she had picked out to wear. The dress code was festive, so she’d gone stylish rather than cheesy (despite how much she loved a Christmas jumper) and settled for a knee-length red dress with black tights and ballet pumps. Her earrings were tiny little snowflakes and her black cardigan was woven with the odd strand of silver thread so that it shimmered in the light.
The buzz of an impending performance continued on around her, with everyone doing a last check of their outfits and hair. Some of them were applying a little make-up to take the shine of the lights off them. Sophie was obtusely aware of a conversation taking place next to her about harmonies. She could have joined in, but instead she tried to focus and concentrate on her breathing, which was becoming more and more irregular with every minute that passed.
As it was Christmas Eve, Greg had come prepared with some fairy lights and a tiny tree that he’d taken from the coffee shop to brighten up the dressing room. Everywhere Sophie looked there were twinkling lights, or vibrant jumpers, or sparkly festive jewellery.
She wasn’t feeling quite so sparkly inside, though. Her initial defiance in the face of Liam’s stubbornness had melted away as the evening of the concert had drawn near. Even Kate couldn’t cheer her up despite rocking a Christmas jumper that had a generous Christmas pudding on it in the place of her colossal bump.
There was a knock, and Nigel popped his head around the door. ‘We’re on in five,’ he said, flashing a smile.
Luckily, Sophie had persuaded Nigel to come back and lead the concert. His mother had had a good week, and he’d even brought her along to enjoy the show and stay with the rest of his family for Christmas. Sophie was pleased that in one way, at least, things had worked themselves out.
‘Thanks, Nigel,’ Sophie said. ‘Right, folks, it’s time.’ She stood to address the choir. They settled down, and the chaos of the room dissolved into silence. ‘We’ve worked so hard for tonight. I can’t wait for us to all get out there and show the audience the true meaning of Christmas.’ There was a ripple of giggles, Albert’s laugh heard above everyone else’s.
Sophie looked at the choir – her choir – and felt a lump in her throat. She wanted nothing more than to see Liam’s face out in the crowd. She swallowed.
‘You guys are amazing. Thank you for being so wonderful.’ She paused a moment, desperate for the tightness in her throat not to turn into tears.
‘And congratulations to Sophie too. Thank you for everything you’ve done,’ Greg said, and the room erupted into applause.
Sophie was pleased with his distraction and relaxed, the threat of tears subsiding. ‘Let’s do this, everyone!’
Kate let out a cheer and led the group out of the room; they chatted excitedly as they went. Sophie looked at herself in the mirror again as they filtered out of the dressing room and into the wings. Although she couldn’t see any tears, they felt spectacularly close to the surface. The rest of the choir would be in the hall warming up shortly, but Sophie didn’t feel like joining them. Besides, she’d sung sad show tunes in the car all the way to the venue. ‘On My Own’ had been on repeat for the vast majority of her journey. Her vocal cords were well and truly ready for action.
Through a crack in the door, Sophie could hear the audience gathering and beginning to settle. The flyers had done the trick – thank goodness, after all that fuss – and whether or not her mother was speaking to her, and vice versa, she was pleased to think that she’d probably done a good job of fundraising, after all. She realised her thoughts were simply a way of putting off the inevitable. She’d have to go out there, eventually. She applied another coat of lipstick and blotted it on a tissue, took a couple of deep breaths and got ready to go.
‘Right,’ she said to herself, smoothing down her dress and running her fingers through her hair. When she joined the rest of the group in the wings, Kate squeezed her hand in the darkness. She squeezed back.
They had made use of the hall’s staggered seating, so once they were on the stage they would look out to something akin to what it must feel like to be on the stage of a real theatre. Sophie loved the heat and the lights. There was a particular smell that the hall had – probably a cocktail of wet rot, damp and dust – but still, to Sophie it was the comforting smell of performance day and home. She particularly loved the fact that often the bright lights masked her view of the audience, so it was like she was singing with the choir in rehearsal, which was just how she liked it.
The group shuffled onto the stage and stood in their prearranged lines as the audience applauded their entrance. Nigel walked on last and stood with his back to them to bow to the audience. Then he turned around and lifted his arms, a baton in one hand.
Sophie felt an overwhelming sense of sadness that it wasn’t Liam’s hazel eyes staring back at her, but instead Nigel’s watery blue ones. In his suit and under the lights, Liam would have looked ridiculously good. She let out a heavy sigh of disappointment that she and Liam wouldn’t be sharing the successes of the evening together after all their hard work.
The first half of the concert comprised several group numbers – a couple of performances from the choir, one or two musical pieces and a carol for the audience to join in with. Sophie found herself enjoying moments of the festivities but then remembering that Liam wasn’t there, her heart deflating.
The interval consisted of two cups of water and three nervous wees. Sophie’s solo was in the second half of the concert and the gravity of the situation was making her lungs hurt. She clutched at her chest as she downed a third cup of water.
‘Will you please just relax?’ Kate said. ‘You’re making me nervous and I can’t go for a nervous wee because once these tights come off, they’re not going back on again until after this baby is born!’
Sophie smiled at her joke and apologised, excusing herself for a final nervous wee before the second part of the concert began. She looked in the mirror to see purple bags under her eyes. She was weary. It had been an exceptionally odd and chaotic few weeks. But in some ways, she’d done OK; she’d survived at least, even if neither Liam nor her mother were talking to her. At the end of the day, she’d set out to put on a fundraising concert and she’d done just that. She put on a bonus layer of red lipstick and a little extra concealer under her eyes before making her way back to the auditorium.
