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Sophie shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ asked Kate gently.
‘I don’t know what to say, really. Jordan left me because I wasn’t enough for him. When things got tough, he didn’t want to stick around.’ She paused and swallowed. ‘It was all a bit of a mess.’ Her eyes stung with the tears building up behind them. ‘I couldn’t give him what he wanted and when he realised that, he left. It was quick. One day he was there, our life just beginning, and the next day, everything was gone. It broke me.’
‘But that was Jordan,’ Kate said. She gave a sympathetic smile. ‘You can’t think that every guy out there will do the same thing. Especially not a good egg like Liam.’
Sophie relaxed when Kate didn’t press her further. ‘I know. But I don’t know if I’m strong enough to get through that kind of hurt again,’ she said. ‘It changed me.’
Kate was silent. They didn’t talk about serious things like this. Kate was her carefree, laugh-a-minute, drinking wine kind of friend. They didn’t talk about the past, about feelings. Or perhaps that was just Sophie’s way of handling what had happened.
‘I guess if things are over with Liam, at least you don’t have to worry about another bouquet of balloons turning up on your doorstep for Valentine’s Day.’ Kate smiled and gave Sophie’s knee a playful nudge.
Sophie returned the smile, but recoiled at the thought of the balloons. A tinge of sadness lingered, despite Kate’s attempt at a joke.
‘That’s true,’ Sophie said. ‘I may have sidestepped another balloon situation, but I have made things very awkward for the concert. I wish I wasn’t doing the stupid thing any more.’ She shook her head at her own stupidity.
‘Take that back,’ Kate said, pointing an accusatory finger at Sophie. ‘The Christmas concert is not stupid. Rehearsals are the highlight of your week.’
‘All right, all right,’ Sophie agreed, holding up her hands to surrender. ‘But it’s still going to be pretty rubbish for a while. Not to mention awkward and tense.’
‘Agreed,’ Kate said, ‘but it won’t last for ever.’
‘Thanks, Kate.’ Sophie’s eyes glazed over as she replayed the kiss again. Before she’d been an idiot and run away, it had been intense, perfect. She’d not felt anything for Jordan when she’d spotted him at Paddington. So why did she care so much now? Why was he making her behave like a fool? It wasn’t Jordan that was the issue, though. She was pretty sure it was the fear of someone – anyone – having the power to break her heart again.
She picked mindlessly at a thread on one of the reading corner beanbags.
‘Fancy going into London tomorrow for a bit of Christmas shopping?’ Kate said.
Sophie looked up at her friend. ‘What?’
‘I know it’s a Tuesday, but it’s the report-writing and wellbeing inset day and I know for a fact that you have finished your reports. You always do them early. So let’s do a bit of Christmas shopping. You could do with a day out and I’ve still got Christmas presents to buy.’
Sophie frowned. The rule-follower in her told her it was mischievous to go shopping on what would ordinarily be a school day. The inset did have ‘wellbeing’ in the title, though …
‘Come on,’ Kate said. ‘It’ll cheer you up and stop you moping around your flat for the day thinking about how much you’re in love with Liam.’
‘I’m not in love with Liam.’ She threw a cushion at Kate’s head.
‘Come on.’
Sophie thought for a second longer. ‘All right.’ Her expression remained distrustful.
‘Yay!’ Kate clapped her hands together.
‘OK, so now that you’ve got the gossip you came for and you’ve enticed me to skive off work …’
‘Wellbeing day,’ Kate said, her finger in the air.
‘OK, wellbeing day. I need to get on. It’s rehearsal tomorrow evening, so I’ve got to plan maths for the rest of the week before I go home.’ She stood up from the beanbag and smoothed down her skirt.
‘You’re going to have to shoehorn me out of this beanbag first. Otherwise, I might have to take up residence,’ Kate said, trying and failing to push herself up from the floor.
‘Come on, you.’ Sophie grabbed Kate by the hand and used her entire body weight to counterbalance and prise her up from the ground.
‘Will you be OK?’ Kate asked once they had both regained their composure.
‘Of course,’ Sophie said. ‘I’ll be fine. Just hold my hand tomorrow night at rehearsal,’ she added.
