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“Poverty, obedience, chastity.” The abbot put extra emphasis on the last word.
Boy, did he know how to build a case.
And maybe he was right. As a normal citizen, I could follow Marian if she left the abbey. But a man expelled from the clergy was a man without honor. Even if Marian tolerated my presence, others wouldn’t. I couldn’t just waltz into the next castle she sought refuge in on the basis of pretty please.
Besides, quitting the clergy would put a stain on my family’s good name forever. My parents had little enough to be proud of in me. They would be aghast at a failure of this magnitude.
My stomach churned at the thought of the fallout — for everyone, not just myself.
Briefly, I considered faking a new identity and heading to the Crusades. But the best I could hope for was work as a foot soldier or a knight’s page, which were about as close to my dream as becoming town crier of Nottingham. There just wasn’t the same appeal.
Of course, I could join the Merry Men. But that wouldn’t help Marian, and it wouldn’t help Robynne. On the contrary, it was critical for her to have someone on the inside.
Someone like me.
The lump in my throat doubled in size.
“Tuck…” the abbot started softly. Clearly, he was transitioning to the good cop role. “Ever since the day you arrived, you’ve wanted to leave.”
My shoulders sagged. True.
But Marian had changed everything. So had Robynne, albeit in a different way. Two strong women, determined to take charge of their own fates. Surely I should do the same?
But it wasn’t the same, because their actions served the greater good. Mine would only profit myself and let down everyone else.
As the abbot went on, I barely heard his words. All I heard was my lion grumbling inside, together with a deeper, ephemeral voice.
Your fate lies here, it assured me.
If only this were a physical fight! I would know what weapon to wield and where to place every blow. But making a decision like this was a nightmare confined to my head. No commands to obey, no enemy to slay. Just a crossroads and beyond that, nothing but mist and mysteries.
Your fate lies here, the voice insisted.
I looked outside, taking in the fields, the river, and the distant forest. Then I looked at the library window, where a shadow moved. Marian?
I swallowed hard, because I knew what I had to do. I knew I would hate it, too. But a true knight was a man of honor.
“Thank you, Father.”
He brightened. “You have decided.”
I forced myself to nod. “Yes. Now, I must go.”
He practically rubbed his hands in glee. “Indeed, you must. Gather your things, say your goodbyes…”
I shook my head. “I must go study. After all, I take my vows in less than a week.”
The abbot’s jaw dropped, and the church bells chose exactly then to sound a solemn bong, bong, bong.
Chapter Seven
MARIAN
It had been a long day full of impressions. Unfortunately, the one I kept coming back to was Lady Thornton’s arrival in Nottingham. It didn’t seem fair that she overshadowed more pleasant memories of Tuck’s good deeds.
I flopped down on the library’s daybed, staring into the distance. What was Lady Thornton doing in Nottingham? Whatever it was, her visit spelled trouble.
A light knock sounded at the main door, and I waited. A moment later came a double knock — the arranged signal, which I echoed. A moment later, a third knock sounded, and I unlocked the door, then stepped back.
