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“Doubtful. If you haven’t noticed, I tend to lump all shifters together.”
He scowls. “My real father’s kind? They’re the worst of the worst. They’ll steal from you while smiling to your face. The wolves have spent decades running their kind out of Nashville.”
“To control the town—”
“To keep the town safe.” He emphasizes the last word, and I don’t bother hiding my awful biting laugh.
“That worked out so well, didn’t it? Lowell died. My entire family died including me, all on the wolves’ watch. So what’s it going to be? What could be so terrible that it would make you hate that half of you—”
“I don’t.”
“Bullshit.” I don’t spill the psychobabble that Dr. Bomani could spin about childhood traumas. “You won’t even answer my question. I can always call up an info hologram and ask about the skulk hint you let slip.”
His lips go flat, his jaw tightening. “My mother didn’t just cheat. She cheated with the fox alpha—the greediest, most manipulative asshole. And the wolves’ greatest enemy.”
“That sounds like the wolf alpha talking, not you.”
“Everyone knows foxes are the lowest kind of predators. I thought the wolf alpha was my dad until I changed into a fox kit. He beat me until I shifted into my wolf pup form. I wasn’t able to leave the house for months because he didn’t want anyone to know.”
The man has such deep daddy issues. I dip a spell jar into the water, hoping the elemental connection might soothe me. It doesn’t. “Sounds like I’m not the only one who needs therapy.”
“Me charging into the fire had nothing to do with the cheating asshole who was my real father. Let it go. It had everything to do with me being a marshal. It’s why I ran into danger instead of away from it.”
Normally, I’m right there with him on noble sacrifice. I’ll charge into battle, do whatever it takes to defend my sisters, be ready to toss my life to the side because it didn’t matter all that much. But I can’t lose someone else. I’m not prepared to deal with more grief.
“What about mates?” I ask and watch his eyes go round. “You claimed we’re mates. If we’d decided to be forever mates instead of just one night, would you have given it any thought before you rushed inside? Or would being a marshal always come first?” Because it had been his priority before our just one night had ended.
He doesn’t answer which is an answer.
I don’t want him to feel bad because he chose children, his job, safety, and everything else in the moment when it’d been the possibility of dying while a marshal or living to keep his promise to convince me to be a mate for more than a night. But I don’t want this pain and uncertainty either.
He said he loves me. The last time I loved anyone? I died, they died, and my world ended except for a promise to seek revenge. A promise I haven’t kept. I’m lucky I remembered before we got even more entangled.
“The marshals have been the most important thing in your life since I met you.” I keep this about facts, not messy emotions. “Has that changed?”
He looks away. “No.”
“Then go back to Nashville. I’ve done what I can to help you with your investigation, and it’s not safe in Syn City.”
“But—”
“I don’t want to be your backup plan, Nolan.”
He doesn’t disagree, doesn’t argue why mates should come before the marshals. No, he turns and walks away, leaving me alone with empty jars that need filling with still water, good intentions, and emotional shields. Now, if the immortals would just give me a supersized doze of the last, I could stop this ache in my heart.
A sea hag drifts closer and snags one of the empty jars. It’s fine. I have plenty.
“Your mate pick a job over you too?” I ask her.
She dips below the surface.
“Touchy subject. I get it. Is for me too,” I say.
The jar drifts my way, full of dark water, dirt, and a silver arrowhead.
19
NOLAN
