Page 40 of Before I Tell You


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He finds one near an old red barn in the back, and we both jump out and head over to the little store where we see people coming out with donuts in hand. My mouth starts watering when I see someone bite into the decadent sugar-covered donut, revealing a soft, cakey inside.

When we get to the counter, Nathan asks for a bag of cider donuts. Not one. Not two. But a whole bag of donuts.

I knew I liked this guy.

The older woman behind the counter tells us that a fresh batch of donuts will be out shortly and hands us each a cup of cider to drink while we wait. I see a picnic table outside, so I grab Nathan’s hand and lead him over to it where we sit across from each other, relishing our cider.

“I’ve really enjoyed myself this weekend,” I say. What I don’t tell him is that it’s also the most alive I’ve felt this past year.

“Me too,” he responds. “I don’t know how to explain it, Natalie, but just being with you, I feel …”

“I know,” I say. “I feel the same way.”

Nathan puts his cider down and reaches for my hand across the table. “I’m so glad I ran into you in that little coffee shop.” He traces the inside of my palm, and I feel my heart flutter.

“Nathan,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat up because of what I am about to say. I don’t know why I am about to say what I am going to say, but it has been on my mind, and after what happened before leaving the house … I shiver, remembering the pleasurable feeling of his tongue on me. I feel like it is now or never. “I don’t remember everything from last night, but I do remember one part I’d like to … discuss a little further.”

“And what part is that?”

“Well,” my cheeks are definitely fully crimson now, “the part about you taking me right there and now on top of the bar and then mentioning ‘someday.’ Well, I guess what I’m trying to ask is … did you mean it?” I feel the heat radiate from my cheeks down my chest as I anxiously await his response. “I mean, not like the part about actually doing it on top of the bar, but I guess more about the part ofsomeday.”

He laughs a little, making me feel embarrassed that I even brought it up. “Never mind, that was stupid of me.” I start to pull my hand away from his.

“No,” he says and holds onto my hand firmly. His smile fades completely. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just, well,” he starts looking around, “you want to talk about that here with everyone around us?”

“Oh, I didn’t even realize …” I look around and, for the first time, notice we aren’t the only ones sitting in this area.

Nathan brings his voice down to a little more than a whisper. “Natalie, you have no idea how badly I want to be with you. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind, and to be honest, I don’t want to.” His eyes drop to our intertwining hands, and his thumb starts tracing little circles in my palm, sending a shiver up my spine. “I’d like to sound like a gentleman and say we should try not to rushthings,but I don’t even know if that’s possible with us.”The corners of his lips turn up in a mischievous smile, which causes the insides of my thighs to start pulsing.“Every time I’m near you, I just … want you. So fucking much. And it scares me a little because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” His eyes meet mine with identical hunger.

I want to tell him how much I want him. How I’ve thought of him andonlyhim before going to bed. How badly I want to feel his hands sliding over every curve of my body while his mouth devours me in places I’ve never been touched.

And let’s be honest, if this were anyone else but Nathan, I would say even thinking about this would be moving too fast. But it’sNathan.

The same guy I’ve had a crush on for years. I’ve known him for half of my life. If there was ever going to be a guy I wanted to have sex with, it would be him.

But there is one problem.

I’ve never had sex.

And Nathan has. Probably more times than I ever want to know about.

That said, there are bigger concerns than Nathan’s level of experience. Like what if I don’t know what to do? What if it makes things awkward between us? Or what if I’m the worst sex Nathan has ever had?

Ugh.

I realize he is watching me cautiously, which makes me wonder if he can hear my heart beating as fast as my overanxious mind is working.

“Nathan, everything you’re feeling, I’m feeling too. I have never felt more myself than when I’m with you.” Relief washes over him, and he relaxes his shoulders.

“But there is something I should tell you, and I’m sure I’m probably making it feel like a bigger deal than it is, but you definitely should know.” My eyes look away from him as nerves invade every part of me.

“Hey, beautiful, you can tell me anything.” His hand is on my chin, gently bringing my face up to meet his gaze while his other hand squeezes my hand in encouragement.

Just tell him.

“Ok. S-so you see … well, the thing is, I’ve never—” But I’m cut off by a voice that we both hear approaching.

“Well, well, well … what do we have here?” I know this voice so well that I don’t even need to look to know who it is. All the color drains from my face, and my whole body instinctively freezes.

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