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“I suppose it’s back to bed for me, huh?” she declares in almost a teasing tone, but I can sense the intense heaviness of her words. “We can’t mess around like this all day long.”
Even if we want to…I want to say, but I don’t. I don’t think that’s a good idea when we’ve already made such a mess of things. Reluctantly, I step forward once more, the distance between us narrowing as I offer her a towel. The touch of her fingers against mine sends shockwaves through my senses, an electric jolt that momentarily overpowers my thoughts.
I’m never going to recover from what just happened. Ever.
“Thank you,” she murmurs, as she rises upwards, allowing me to see her in all her glory this time around, as if I need my imagination to spin even more. I can’t take my eyes off her as she wraps the towel around herself with a grace that makes me ache for her more.
As she turns to gather her scattered clothes, I watch the shadows dance on the walls, each flicker reflecting the inner turmoil that consumes me. Icouldjust let her go here. I could betray everyone, all the people who have cared for me my whole life, and let Lily free. Maybe I could even run away with her, if that’s what she wants to do…
But the idea of my best friends and my pack turning their back on me is too much to bear. So I continue on with what I don’t want to do, but what I know I need to.
The walk back to her room is a silent one, punctuated only by the soft padding of footsteps against cold stone. The corridor feels longer this time around, the walls closing in around me as though they, too, are privy to the gravity of the moment. I’m making a choice here, and I’m not happy about it. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this…
We reach the door, its imposing presence a stark reminder of the boundaries that separate our worlds. Lily’s gaze meets mine, a mixture of resignation and understanding. Without a word, I reach for the key hanging at my side, the cool metal biting into my palm as I push the door open.
The chains sit before us like a horrid reminder of what’s next. Lily doesn’t make a fuss as I connect her back to the bed where she’s held prisoner, but that doesn’t mean I like it. Seeing her so vulnerable and trapped really tugs at my heartstrings.
Once she’s locked in place, I stand back for a moment, willing myself to speak all the words that need to be said, but unfortunately, nothing comes out. It’s as if the words are trapped by an invisible ball lodged in the base of my throat.
I can’t do it, I shouldn’t be here, I need to go.
I can’t even muster up a goodbye before I leave, which I’m sure really sucks. Lily must hate me as I spin on my heels, closing the door behind me. I walk quickly, needing to get away fast before anyone catches me. I can’t talk to a single soul right now. My thoughts are a tempest, a chaotic swirl of emotions that I struggle to rein in. Among the tumultuous currents of my mind, Lily’s image lingers like a fragile dream, ethereal and maddeningly captivating. There’s no way I’ll be able to act normal in front of the other guys. They know me well enough to know when something is up and I can’t express the truth. Not now. Maybe not ever.
Finally, I make it. In the safety of my room, I can breathe once more. The soft glow of a lone lamp casts dancing shadows on the walls, mimicking the conflicting emotions within me. I pace back and forth, the scent of damp earth and pine clinging to my clothes, a constant reminder that us wolves needing territory is why we’re in this mess.
I sink onto the edge of the bed, burying my face in my hands as if the darkness can somehow shield me from the tumultuous storm within. How has my heart betrayed me so, straying into forbidden territory? Lily is not just an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire of our struggles; she’s become a beacon of light, a reminder of the goodness that still exists beyond the shadows we inhabit. The only problem is, that light might shatter us all apart. If Ryker finds out…
Urgh, it doesn’t even bear thinking about, so I return my thoughts toher.
The scent of her hair, the warmth of her laughter, the sweetness in her eyes. It haunts me, igniting an unfamiliar ache that resonates deep within. It isn’t supposed to be this way. I can’t allow myself to want her, to be captivated by the gentleness in her eyes and the courage in her voice. I mean, even if it weren’t for everything else, she’s way too good for me. Light where I am dark. Good, where I am caught up in a world of bad. I can’t bring her into that.
I curl my hands up to fists, frustration and longing warring within me. I want to protect her, to shield her from the storms that rage in my world. I’ve seen what this life can do to people, how it can twist them into something unrecognizable. I can’t let that happen to her. But even as I resolve to keep my distance, my thoughts keep drifting back to her, like a moth drawn to a flame.
I lean back against the cool wall, closing my eyes and trying to block out the chaos of emotions that threaten to consume me. I can still feel the soft feel of her skin underneath my fingers, the arch of her back as I made her feel good in this hell. I can still hear the sound of her laughter, the way it cut through the darkness like a ray of sunlight while we talked about books and movies.
I sighed heavily, the weight of my desires almost suffocating. I know what I have to do. I have to keep my distance to protect her from the darkness surrounding me. Even if it means breaking my own heart in the process. It’s the only way to keep her safe, to keep us both from falling into the abyss. Not only that, I have to think about Ryker and the mission at hand. I don’t want to be the one to fuck that up. I can’t. Not when me and my best friend have been through so much. I have to support him forever. I need to.
7
LILY
That night
The room is castin an eerie half-light, shadows dancing like specters on the walls, as if they are privy to the storm brewing within me. I guess it’s night time, which means another day has passed with me trapped in this hell. My thoughts are a tumultuous whirlwind of conflicting emotions, all surrounding these men.
Ryker, the alpha of this pack, the man whose touch still haunts my dreams. The man I know I should hate, but that remains at the forefront of my mind in an exciting way anyway. I close my eyes, trying to suppress the rising tide of emotions that threaten to engulf me. I’mnotgoing to cry because of him, I refuse. Even after everything that he’s done to me. He doesn’t deserve that. No one deserves my tears.
I always thought that Ryker carried an air of authority and intensity, traits that had drawn me in from the start. That was why I was obsessed with him when I saw him on the news. No matter what the reports were, even when it was because of his dangerous lifestyle, I thought that he was dark and mysterious. Exciting too, which was why I allowed myself to cave to him easily.
That night was a blur of passion and abandon, the heat of our bodies fueled by the idea that we might not see one another again. Or at least I thought so. When he suggested that we might date, I didn’t really believe him. How could someone likehimwant me? Little did I know he wanted me because of who my father is, and to do this to me.
Desire, frustration, resentment, the volatile mix that simmers within me burns bright, but it doesn’t overshadow everything. The magnetic pull I still feel toward him is infuriating, a reminder of the vulnerability that lies beneath the layers of defiance I’ve carefully cultivated. I loathe how he can still stir my senses, how his presence can send ripples through my carefully constructed resolve. But of course, he isn’t the only one.
Novak. The name itself seems to evoke a sense of calm, a respite from the tumultuous currents that churn within me. His presence has been a constant amidst the chaos, a steady anchor in the storm that has become my reality, which is why I have come to rely on him in ways I never expected. His sweet smile has become one of the highlights of my day.
With a sigh, I let myself sink deeper into the pillows, closing my eyes as if to shut out the world for a fleeting moment. Novak’s unwavering kindness; it’s a beacon of light in the darkness that has become my existence. The way he looks at me, as if he can see past the walls I have erected, as if he can glimpse the real me beneath the surface. And I kinda want him to…
And then there was that kiss – a memory that dances at the edge of my consciousness, a whisper of soft lips against mine, a moment of connection that took me by surprise. It was a simple, sweet gesture, a fleeting touch that held within it a promise of something more.
