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“And just how long do you think you can keep this-here avoidance up?”
I threw back the first shot. Smooth as silk. No burn. Then I took a few hits off my beer.
“As long as I need to.”
“Seems like you’re mighty young to be throwing your life away.”
Daryl had to be in his late fifties or maybe in his early sixties, but I could tell he must’ve been a real charmer with good looks when he was young. He still looked good. Tall, and thin with just the right amount of muscle. My jaw still ached from that right amount of muscle.
“My life… It ain’t been worth nothin’ so far, so what’s the difference?”
“The difference is you have a little girl to think of now, my great-niece and she needs a sober, working daddy. Not some drunk, no-account loser.”
“She’s better off without me,” I told him, then threw back the second shot. Now we were getting somewhere.
“Does this behavior have anything to do with your own dad?”
He hit me where it hurt, but I wasn’t about to admit it. Instead, I laughed. “My dad is a total fuck up and if he’d left me alone when I was growing up, I would’ve been much better off for it.”
“Here’s the thing about that. He promised your mama that he’d take care of you, so he couldn’t leave you, even when Donna and I tried to convince him to let us raise you.”
I had to let that sink in for a bit. “You and Donna?”
“Yeah, but he kicked me out of his house and told me if I ever tried to take you away, he’d shoot off my hand. He was just ornery enough that I believed him. But the man who married your mama, and who she left you with, was a lot different than the man he became after she died. That man died right along with your mama, and the man that took over his body and mind, was somebody who didn’t give one lick about nobody or nothin’. Exactly where you’re going, if you stick to your plan.”
“And just who was he when he married my mama? A lawyer? A doctor? What? He wasn’t nothin’ when he married her. Nothin’ but a rodeo rat who never amounted to nothing but a thief.”
Just talking about my father gave me a stomach ache. He was such a disappointment to me that I hated even thinking about him, let alone knowing that my mom’s death changed him. It only made me angry.
“Maybe so, but that rodeo rat loved your mama like there was no tomorrow. And when you were born, I ain’t never seen a man so proud of his child. We were best friends, me and your papa. Did you know that?”
“What? No.”
I could hardly believe that I was just learning this news.
“Yep… he pushed me away. Pushed everybody away who loved him, even you. Is that what you’re doing to CindyLou and Darci? Pushing them away?”
“This is different.”
“How?”
I threw back my final shot and ordered another flight from the waitress who happened to be passing by our table. She looked as if she liked her job, which took me by surprise. I didn’t understand people who liked what they did for a living. I liked playing guitar. I loved it, actually, especially when I was up on stage, but I hated the fact that I played for a living. It didn’t seem right. It confused me. How could I get paid for doing something I loved when so many people hated their jobs. It made no sense to me.
“You’re not your father. You’re you,” Daryl said, sounding confident in his words. As if he’d practiced them. “And we all know you. You got a big, kind heart and we know you deserve to be in the Jess Davis band. You shine when you’re up on that stage, when you’re playing alongside them. And you deserve to have that beautiful little girl run into your arms when you come home, calling you daddy. But most of all, you deserve to have CindyLou love you, no matter what that looks like. Because I know, deep down inside, you’re a good man with a kind heart who loves his little girl, his ability to make music, and my beautiful niece, CindyLou. Now, the way I see it, you can either come on home with me and get yourself straightened out for the next few days, or you can finish this round and order two or three more, and break not only your own heart, and your mama’s, who sure as hell is watchin’ over you, but also everybody else’s heart, too. Including that there lawyer Ms. Whitaker, who gave you her card. She’s been one of your biggest fans ever since she first saw you up on that stage at Dirty Coyote. We’re all your biggest fans… everybody who congratulated you tonight, and that’s only a fraction of the folks who want to see you succeed. You just gotta let everybody into your heart, is all. Now, I’ll be outside, waitin’ in my truck. But I won’t wait long. Maybe fifteen minutes, tops. It’s all up to you, but remember, your mama’s watchin’.”
The waitress showed up with the next round, just as Daryl slid out of the booth. He looked about as sad as an old hound dog watching a puppy with a bone.
“Your decision, and this time, either way, we’ll do this without any punches. You have my word.” He turned to the waitress and handed her two twenties and a ten. “This ought to cover his drinks so far, and a little something for you. Y’all, have a good night now.”
She grinned up at him. “Thanks.”
Then she walked to the next booth and delivered another flight and two more beers.
Daryl settled his worn brown-felt cowboy hat on his head, tapped his index finger on the tip of his brim, looked me in the eye one more time, and left.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” I said out loud, but there was nobody around to answer.
CindyLou 18
