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“Hey,” I said as I went over to him, dropping down to sit next to him on the floor, rubbing his back. “What’s going on?”
“She’s beautiful. And I missed it. Missed everything. Her birth, your pregnancy. Her first attempt at walking. Her first real meal. Her first belly laugh. I wasn’t there. I abandoned you. I had sex with you, bareback sex, then abandoned you. I even erased your text messages from my phone. I’m such an asshole. Yet you’re so nice to me. Why? I don’t deserve it. Don’t deserve you or Darci. I’m a screw up. A fuck up who runs at the first sign of commitment. Why the hell you would take a chance on me is… well… you really shouldn’t. You should tell me to leave Sweet Whiskey and never come back.”
He wasn’t crying now, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. The total devastation about all he’d missed. I continued to run my hand up and down his back. I did it kind of mindlessly, like I did with Darci.
“But you’re here now, and that’s all that matters. We can’t change the past, but we can work on having a great right now, and an even better future together. She’ll get to know you… her daddy… and you’ll get to know her. She’s amazing, by the way. A really special little girl, who already loves country music. Every time she hears it, her little body bounces to the beat. And you should know, she already has better rhythm than I ever had. She’s your daughter, all right.”
He didn’t say anything for a little while. Then he said, “You’re too nice, CindyLou. I’m just a jerk at the bar. I’m not cut out to be anybody’s father. I’m too rough around the edges… hell I’m rough through and through. I come from a long line of assholes, what makes you think I can be anything other than another asshole?”
“Because you gave me your word you wouldn’t be.”
“And you trust my word?”
“It’s all I have. If I can’t trust your word, we may as well call it quits right now, but I know you don’t want to do that. Not now. Not after you’ve seen her pictures. All that’s left is for you to meet her. You’re going to love her.”
“I’m sure I will, but she deserves so much more than what I can give her.”
“Nobody can give her what you have, the love of a father. She only has one bio daddy, and that’s you.”
“You make me believe I can do this.”
“Of course you can. She’s a lot like you. She has your beautiful baby blue eyes, and she’s a little scoundrel when she wants to be. But the biggest thing is that she loves to have her back rubbed, just like you do.”
He sat up straight then and turned to me. “How you talk.”
Then, right there, in Darci’s room, he crushed his lips over mine, and I melted into his embrace, just like I did that night in the parking lot in Cheyenne. His kisses worked like a soothing sexy balm that drew me into him like I belonged there, with him, forever.
And suddenly we were moving fast, trying to get at each other, to get our clothes off and to once again feel as though we belonged to each other. There was something that went deeper with Mickey and me. Something that connected us on another level, and when he entered me, there on the floor, and stared into my eyes while he plunged deep inside me over and over again, I knew he would always have my heart, no matter what he decided to do.
I was in love with Mickey Finn, and even though I didn’t know if he would stay or go, I couldn’t help what I’d felt for him that night in the front seat of his truck or what I was feeling now, on the floor of our daughter’s bedroom.
Heaven help me, but I was his.
CindyLou 16
“Are you ready?” I asked Mickey once we parked in front of my aunt and uncle’s ranch house. Mickey wore his best jeans, a pressed white shirt, and he even shined his black cowboy boots. He looked and smelled like he’d just stepped out of the shower, which he actually had right before he got dressed this morning. I’d been tempted to join him in the shower, but we were already running late, and I knew once I stepped under that hot water with him, we might never get around to picking up Darci.
And his meeting her was the whole point.
“As ready as I’ll ever be. I’m more afraid of seeing Daryl again, than meeting Darci,” he answered looking about as scared as I’d ever seen him.
“Daryl won’t do anything or say anything mean as long as Aunt Donna’s in the picture. He’s a softie when it comes to her and doesn’t like for her to get upset or worried. And besides, as long as it involves Darci, he’ll be as sweet as pie. So, relax and enjoy it. You only get one chance to have a first meeting with your daughter. Don’t let Daryl ruin it for you.”
He grinned my way. “That’s the smart way to look at it. Thanks. That helped.”
“Darci’s changed everything for me, and if I’m smarter because of her, than all the better. But believe me, this adulting thing is tough, and it’s not for the weak or the timid. I’ve learned that a few times over in the last couple of years, that’s for damn sure. Deciding to have my baby was my first step to adulthood. When I’d made that decision, I had no idea what it meant, other than going through a pregnancy. I somehow thought having a little baby to take care of was the easy part. Where I got that crazy idea, I didn’t know, but raising a child has been the single most amazing and challenging event of my life. It has changed me in so many ways I’ve lost count months ago.”
“I’m still learning,” he said, sounding honest.
“We all are. So, once again… are you ready?”
He opened his passenger door. “Let’s do this.”
The weather had been warm, with a bit of a breeze for the last couple of days. Perfect summer days. Not too hot, and not too cold… but just right. We didn’t get to the first step leading up to the house when Aunt Donna stepped out on the porch, holding Darci in her arms. My beautiful baby girl wore a billowing purple cotton dress, with a big purple bow holding her red hair off her face. For being only eleven months, Darci had some really thick red hair going on.
As soon as she saw me, her little arms went out, and she squirmed to break free from Donna. She didn’t quite know how to say mama yet, but she knew how to moan and make enough noise that when she wanted something or someone, there was never any doubt.
I raced up the short staircase, grabbed my girl and twirled her around a couple times. She rested her head on my shoulder, while her little arm wrapped around my neck. It was possibly the best feeling in the whole world.
