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Note to self: clean the counter of my bodily fluids. I grimace at what I have done, but I'm too preoccupied with the most dreadful part of this process. The waiting. It was only a few minutes, but it always stretched on like an eternity.
I leave it there as I dump out the rest of the cup and throw it out. Opening the bathroom door, I peek out to make sure Cole is still asleep. Disappointment runs through me when I see his unmoving form, and I turn back to the test.
One singular pink line near the black line has formed, and I shake out my hands. If it's just another negative, it’s no big deal. We weren’t even trying, and it probably isn’t possible anyway. It’s nothing to get hurt or upset if another line doesn’t form.
I pace the tiny tiled room, counting to 60 in my head, before glancing at the test again. Squinting, I pick up the stripe and hold it up to the bright bulb over the mirror, unsure if that is a faint pink line or if I’m just seeing anything I want. I set it back down, move my hand to block out the light, and bite down on my tongue when I can’t see a secondary line.
A groan from the other room has me tossing the negative test into the trash with a heavy heart. I clean up the mess, forcing myself to leave the crushing feelings in the bathroom as I exit it.
Cole is wiggling in the bed as I pull the chair to the side and take his hand in mine. His eyes peel open an inch, and his head turns to me.
“Olivia?”
I squeeze his hand, resting my head on it as I stare at him with a smile. “Yeah, baby. It’s me.”
Olivia
Watchingthegirlwiththe straight black hair waiting patiently across from me, I can’t help but smile at the large tattooed man at her side rubbing at her swollen belly. They seem so young but so incredibly happy about the child she is growing.
“Olivia Matthews?” A bright voice pulls my attention from the young couple to a small woman in pink scrubs holding the door to the back office. She smiles as I walk towards her. “Hi, I’m Jackie. Just stand right over there so I can grab your weight and height.”
Nerves flutter in my stomach as I follow her instructions silently. I know I’m in delusional denial, but I’m not ready to face the truth.
“Alright, got it. Let’s head this way.” She smiles again and leads me down the hall.
When we reach an empty room, I set my purse and keys on the chair as she holds out a urine cup. “Bathroom is right outside. Leave it in the designated area after you’re done.”
I mumble thanks and quickly fill the cup, hating the reminder of the negative at the hospital. There’s a small rack next to the toilet, and I set it there before rushing back into the room and closing the door behind me. Nurse Jackie has her laptop open and smiles as I settle into the exam chair.
“This is your first visit with us, right?”
I nod, twisting my fingers that are resting on my stomach.
“Excellent. And what brought you in today?”
Exhaling, I lick my drying lips and give her a shaky smile. “I need you to confirm I’m not pregnant, and I’m just going through a crazy menopause thing.”
Her eyebrows raise, and she glances at the chart displayed on her screen. “You’re a little young for menopause, but we can definitely run some tests to confirm. When was your last menstrual cycle?”
“Uhh.. like two years ago. I’ve spotted here and there.”
“Are you on birth control?”
“No.”
“Sexually active?”
I blush. It was ridiculous to be embarrassed by the question at my age as if she could tell who exactly I was fucking. “Recently.”
Jackie gives me a wink. “And are you and your partner using protection?”
Groaning, I bury my face in my hands. “No. I know, it’s stupid. But I struggled with infertility for years after my first. And then–” I inhale sharply, dropping my hands. “When my period stopped coming, I just assumed that was it. You know?”
She smiles, the comforting warmth radiating off her. “Periods have a mind of their own. They can come and go for various reasons. Would you like us to run an STD panel during your exam?”
“No, it’s not necessary.”
Her lips purse. “You sure? It’s covered by your insurance.”
