Page 71 of Dark Desires


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‘Leave everything. I’d find a little cottage in the highlands with a log burner and a bit of land. I’d spend the days chopping wood and feeding my animals, and my nights not worrying about deals going through or who I’d have to impress or placate to avoid a bullet through my head.’

‘What kind of animals?’

‘A couple of labs, maybe a cat to chase the mice from the wood store. Some goats. A donkey.’

Valentina laughed. ‘What do you want a donkey for?’

‘I love them. I’d have his field back on to the garden so I could go out and have a cup of tea with him in the morning and put the world to rights.’

‘With a donkey?’

‘Have you ever chatted with one?’

‘Well, no.’

‘Then you don’t know what you’re missing.’

Valentina turned her body toward me a little in her seat. ‘Couldn’t you have all those things where you live now? You’ve clearly got enough money to afford a donkey.’

‘It doesn’t fit my lifestyle. When I get married...’ I swallowed down the words and glanced at Valentina.

‘It’s okay. I knew what I was getting into before following you.’

‘When I marry Nicole, things will get even busier. I’ll be going between homes when we have kids, trying to find a balance for our lives. And the union should open up whole new lines of business for me. It’ll be good, but no time for a wee donkey pal.’

‘It sounds miserable,’ Valentina said.

‘Life isn’t always about fun. I used to think it was too. And then it came and swept my arse out from under me. I was never supposed to inherit. My eldest brother was killed a few years back. Even then, I hoped Dad would keep it going for years to come.’

‘And he died too?’

‘Hazard of the industry.’

‘And you still want to bring children into it? To see them take it on as you have, whether or not it’s what they want? Except it will be worse. My uncle is deep with the European mafia, and they make Scotland look like child’s play.’

‘It’s what Dad would have wanted.’

‘But it’s not what you want.’

‘What I want doesn’t matter. It’s what’s expected. Loyalty lies with the family.’

‘It’s patriarchal bullshit. You have money, you have a family who cares about you. You have everything. You could spend the rest of your life living exactly as you pleased, having your children grow up happy and not worrying whether their dad will come home to them in a box of parts. People would kill for the opportunities you have.’

‘Valentina...’ I ground my teeth as she spoke, my jaw tightening as her words hit like poisoned little darts.

‘You know it’s true. It’s one thing if you wanted it the way your dad did, but you’re squandering your life for a dead man who couldn’t care. Such a pity.’

I needed to turn the conversation around. There was no suitable answer to give her, and her prodding was making me sweat. For someone so young, she knew how to ask a question that left me squirming.

‘What about you? What’s your grand plan? You have half a million pounds to add to your pot.’

‘I don’t know. I’ll pay off mum’s mortgage so she doesn’t need my uncle as much and put some in her bank account so she doesn’t worry.’

‘But what do you want?’

‘What I want money can’t give me.’ Her hazel eyes darkened before she looked away and leaned fully back in her chair. ‘I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. I enjoy it. I don’t have any other skills. There’s nothing else I could do.’

‘You could do anything you put your mind to. I’ve already seen how tenacious you can be when you want something.’

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