She laughs. “Keep telling yourself that. One day you might believe it.”
Hope launches at me, and I’m so distracted by her taunts that I barely move out of the way, the tip of her dagger cutting my arm. I wince and hear Grayson’s voice in my head. “Think of something else. Calm and focus. Don’t let emotions distract you.”
I blow out a breath, focusing on Hope. They said the race takes one hundred days, and there are three days left. We all know that our test is coming soon, then this’ll all be over, and I have to somehow figure out what I’m going to do next. Arden wants me to have a life in his court. Lysander might try to claim me to somehow work out his deal. I don’t know what Emrys and Grayson want, but I can’t be anything they need. I have to escape or become one of their queens and be trapped here forever. The last option does not sound like anything I am interested in.
If I tell Arden about Lysander, he is going to start a war with Lysander, and telling Arden would mean that I’d have to go with him—if he doesn’t kill me for betraying him. I’m not sure I can warn him about Lysander. Part of me just wants to ask Grayson or Emrys to let me go if I become their queen. Anything but Lysander. He can go and drown in his own court for all I care.
Hope and I start circling each other, and I watch her carefully. Sometimes she moves too quickly on her left foot. She always goes for a strike in my chest before hitting my legs to get me down, and she was always fast, quick, and impossible to predict before. But now I’m starting to predict her, because Grayson has shown me how she fights. Grayson has shown me how to defend from her strikes, dagger or not.
She jumps at me, and I swiftly move out of the way, slamming my fist into her stomach as she goes past. She gasps, rolling to the side and looking at me with wide eyes. The amount of pleasure I get from her not just looking at me like I’m weak is amazing. I might have started off weak, but I’ve climbed up so I can be stronger. Some days, feeling weak is all I have, but I remind myself that only I can make myself stronger. Hope charges at me, and I can’t block her, so we both go down in a puddle on the floor. I don’t let her pin me down or knock my dagger away. I wrap my legs around her waist, flipping us both over and pushing her away. Her dagger clatters on the ground, and I kick it out of the circle.
She brushes her hair out of her eyes. “You bitch!”
“Find another insult!” I shout right back at her, leaping at her, my dagger cutting a line across her stomach through her clothes. She gasps, stepping back. Grayson showed me that move. I’m going to have to thank him. She looks so surprised. We both watch each other, but I let her move first, using all that anger up. This time she comes at me harder, more desperate, her blood pouring down her legs. I barely avoid her, but her leg goes under mine with a swoop, knocking me over. I slam my foot into her knee before she can even do anything, making her stumble back. I flip myself to my feet and swing my leg around, kicking her hard in the chest. She flies out of the circle, slamming into the wall and sliding down it.
The room pauses, right before the girls cheer. No one has beaten Hope before. Xandry blows his whistle and throws healing tonics at us both. I drink mine at the same time as Hope, handing over my dagger too. Hope storms over to me. “How the fuck did you do that?”
I shrug with a smile. She narrows her eyes. “I’ve ruthlessly trained, day and night, for my entire life for this race, and you just—” She stops, her mouth opening and closing, lost for words. “I trained because I’m human in a world of shifters and I would have died if I didn’t. You just got here, and somehow after a couple of weeks, you magically know how to beat me? No, you’re cheating somehow.”
“That’s enough, Hope. Lose with some honour,” Xandry firmly tells her, putting his hand on her shoulder, and she pushes him off.
“No, I want to know how she did that!” Hope demands, getting in my face.
I smile at her. “You’re not perfect, Hope. You’ve lost. Get over it.”
“But how did you learn? Did Lysander teach you behind my back in private training lessons or something?” she asks, her voice filled with hurt.
I blow out a breath. “For the last time, I have no interest in Lysander! Stop being paranoid.”
Her eyes tighten and she honestly looks like she’s plotting the best way to kill me. “I see how you look at him.”
Xandry slides in between us, making her step back. He places both his hands on her shoulders this time. “Enough, Hope. You lost at training. It’s just one battle, and as for Lysander, it’s been the two of you for years. Soon this will be over.”
She shoves him off again. “Like you give a shit. You abandoned us all when you were a kid so you could go and be some stupid priest that can’t have bonded relationships or even give a shit about anyone. Congrats on your new teaching job here, but I damn well know I’ll never see you again after this, so don’t pretend you suddenly care about anyone in this world. We both know you don’t,” she snaps.
Xandry is silent as she turns, storming out to the door, but then she pauses, taking several steps back. Grayson walks in through the door, dressed in dark greens. His court colour. A feeling of dread settles into my chest. “Grayson.”
Even Hope sounds worried. Is she dreading this last race? If she is scared, then fuck, I should be peeing myself right now.
Grayson’s face is blank, showing no emotions. “All of you, come with me. The earth is calling you.”
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Xandry pushes me in the back when I’m the only one who doesn’t leave after Grayson. My stomach seems to drop because I know what this is. The final test of the Dragon Crown Race is here. Arty comes to my side, and I give her a wary look. She gulps. “Congratulations on winning against Hope. If we both die, well, at least you have that. Look, I’m sorry about yesterday, and for what it is worth, you’re the only real friend I’ve ever had. Thank you.”
“Talk to me,” I ask as we walk down the staircase. “I don’t understand why you got so upset.”
She touches my arm. “Thank you.”
Arty walks ahead of me, and I’m left more confused than ever about her. I shake my head, focusing on what is coming next and bracing myself for this test. One more time. I have to live through just one more of these fucked-up tests. Grayson leads us through the castle, and all of us are nervous. Two of the girls are crying, and I realise there are so few of us left. Grayson leads us to the middle of the castle, and suddenly the staircases move up, leaving us in a massive, empty room. He commands the space, standing in the middle of us all. Screams ripple around me as the earth gives way, and all the girls sink down into the ground, disappearing in holes, and the holes close back up.
But not me.
My heart pounds as Grayson walks over to me, tilting my chin up with one finger. Like he needs to touch me, but he can’t do more than this. I have the feeling every time he lets himself be touched or reaches out, it’s a battle for him. I want to take the battle away, fix him, but I don’t have time. I can’t be what he needs, but I hope someone is. “What are you doing, Gray?”
His voice is husky. “I have no fucking idea, but I don’t want to send you into the test. I want to kidnap you again, this time for myself, even if that would be a death sentence for my people. Even if it would fuck up my world. Tell me I’m mad. Tell me there is nothing here and these stupid feelings aren’t real.”
“They’re not real,” I breathe out. Liar. I’m such a liar. “I want to go home, but not if it kills so many. We can’t be selfish.”