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“Why not?”
“Because you’ll be sweet to me, and then I’ll completely lose it.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and gently guided her onto her back. “Maybe you need to lose it in order to feel better.”
She groaned. “God, why can’t you be mean? There you go…” Devyn flailed her arms around. “Are you happy now? I’m crying. I’mfreaking crying.”
I sat up, scooped her from the bed, and cradled her in my arms. “No, I’m not happy you’re crying. I’m really fucking pissed at Vera about it. Butyouneed to let it out, sweetheart.”
Devyn burrowed her head into my chest. Her shoulders began to shake, and I felt warm tears trickle down my skin. I stroked her hair and whispered, “I got you. I know it feels like everything is a mess right now, but I promise it’s going to get better.”
She sobbed. “How? How can you promise that?”
“Because I’m going to stay right next to you and hold your hand. The weight is lighter when you aren’t carrying it alone.”
Devyn let out a wail. “God, you’re so good. I don’t even deserve you.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t put yourself down. Your mother’s actions are not a reflection of you.”
She wiped her cheeks and shook her head. “How am I supposed to leave the kids with her? She’s going to pull this again. It’s only a matter of time.”
“Would you consider fighting her for custody? I mean, you’re already their temporary guardian, and she’s just been arrested for assault after taking off on her kids. I can’t imagine her actions wouldn’t be taken into consideration if you wanted to get permanent custody.”
“I don’t even know how I’m going to run my business and have a baby, much less havethreekids.”
“It’s a lot. I get it.”
She took a deep breath and let out a shaky exhale. “But on the other hand, how can I leave them with her? I feel like Heath and Hannah have just started to trust me. The last thing they need is another person who ditches them. If I left, the next time Vera took off they wouldn’t even call me. I’d just be another person they can’t depend on, and they’d fend for themselves.”
“What if you stay close, so they always feel like you’re around? You can keep an eye on Vera and step in as needed. That way they don’t feel abandoned, yet you also get a little room to live your own life with the baby.”
“That would be ideal. Except I live in California.”
My heart sank. Of course, I’d always known her permanent home wasn’t here. I guess I’d ignored it lately, hoping she’d magically start thinking New York was where she belonged. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, but I couldn’tnotask now…
“Would you ever consider moving here?”
“It would be really difficult with my job. Most of my clients live out in California, plus all of the connections I need to maintain.”
“There’s always Zoom…”
“I know.” She sighed. “It’s just hard to think about moving or making any major changes in my life when…you know, there’s so much unknown.”
And there it was. The ever-present elephant in the room: paternity. Would living here be a choice if Robert turned out to be the baby’s father? I’d imagine she’d have to share custody with him, and flying a baby back and forth for weekend visitation wasn’t practical. That got me thinking… Would I uproot my life to be with her? Assuming she wanted to be with me, even if the baby turned out to be his, would I consider leaving New York and following her back to California? It would be like starting my career over, since all of my contacts and connections were here in the City. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if my broker’s license was transferable out there. And would I be breaking up a family if I did all that? Maybe she and Robert would reunite if I wasn’t in the picture—raise their child together. That thought made me feel sick.
“There’s…something I should probably tell you,” Devyn said.
I froze. That didn’t sound good. “What?”
“I think I’m going to be able to find out the paternity of the baby soon—sooner than I thought.”
“Oh?”
She swallowed and nodded. “I had assumed the only way was to get an amniocentesis, which isn’t usually done until fifteen to twenty weeks. And I wasn’t even certain that was the right thing to do, since having the test carries some risks to the baby.”
“Okay…”
“But it turns out there’s a noninvasive test now. It’s as simple as a blood test and a swab to the inside of your mouth, and a few days later we’ll know if the baby is yours or not.”
