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Miss Rosa has texted, informing me that she won’t be in due to a nasty cold, but that didn’t mean I’d miss it too. I needed dance now more than ever to keep myself together and not crumble like a sand castle forgotten on the beach. I had to be in the studio first thing in the morning and not leave until my feet would get bloody.
~~~
After getting home, I cried myself to sleep, getting some small relief from it, but as soon as the morning came around, I felt just as miserable as before. Despite Delfina’s vocal protest, I skipped breakfast and ran straight into the studio and locked the door of my practice room. Today, I needed no interruptions, no distractions, no one to talk to me.
I wanted to dance with my heart, so I picked out the music mindlessly. I didn’t realize what the orchestra was singing until I was in the middle of the room, ready to start.Giselle. It was one of my favorite ballet operas growing up. While most little girls love Swan Lake, I always found the theatrical pain in the role of Giselle to be much more beautiful to watch. Miss Rosa didn’t like that routine so much, so I never got the chance to go through it, but it was fitting now.
Giselle died of heart break when she realized she couldn’t be with her lover. The gut-wrenching story has brought me to tears more than once and now it was time to be part of my healing. Salvatore was my Duke Alberch and every step I made, every pirouette, carried all the sadness in my heart.
I ran the routine over and over again until my legs gave out. My muscles were too sore to carry me anymore, so I dropped on my knees after one too many hours of dancing. I didn’t realize I had tears rolling on my face until one fell down and stained my tights. Damn it!
Sniffing and wiping my face clean, I leaned onto the mirrors and took off my leg warmers. I was too hot and didn’t need the extra protection anymore. My poor heart was struggling in my chest, beating thorough the waves of pain and hollowness, keeping me afloat.
Will it be like this forever? I’ve asked myself, but in all honesty, I didn’t want to know the answer. I couldn’t live my life with a hole in my chest, so I had to believe that one day it will close up. The crack was made the dayBabbocalled me in his office to tell me how he decided to break ties with the Fiorifamiglia. All these years, Salvatore had kept me together even when I didn’t want him to. Now, all that was left was ruin and memories.
When I regained some force back, I took off my pointe shoes and they pealed of like a layer of skin. The pain was stabbing. There was nothing unusual about sore feet and blisters. No ballerina has ever known a pain free life, but today I’ve pushed myself to new limits. I didn’t even stop to drink water.
I got up and struggled to walk to the locker room, trying my best not to step on my toes.
Mondays were slow and only a few private classes were scheduled, mine included, so I’d expected to find the locker room deserted, but when I stepped inside, I almost bumped into a red-faced, angry Pina.
“Gesú Cristo[18], you scared me! What are you doing here?”
She crossed her arms and frowned.
“I went by your house looking for you and Delfina told me where to find you. We need to talk.”
“Couldn’t it wait?”
“What do you think?”
All I could do is sigh in defeat. “Fine, Pina. What do you want to say?”
“Let’s start with Salvatore Fiori? When did you start talking to him again?”
Turning my back on her, I walk to a bench and throw myself on it. How was I supposed to do this? Was there any point in lying more now that she knew?
“We never stopped.”
Her eyes grew like those of a cartoon character and she covered her mouth with both hands.
“Yoh mmm mmmm me.” Whatever that was, I couldn’t tell.
“You have to take your hand away, Pina. I couldn’t hear you.”
“You have to be joking!”
“You wanted to know.”
“How… how is it even possible? Fabiano…”
Yes, I was aware of my father’s position in all this.
“Salvatore. He made it possible.”
“Meaning?”
“I saw him whenever I could. He has an apartment nearby here that he got for us and he’d text me when he was there. If I could make it, fine, if not, he’d still wait to see if I’d show up.” I didn’t tell her that Salvatore was there almost every night, or that I learned all the blind spots of the cameras in my house so I could sneak out and see him. “We never went out and talked as little as possible.”
