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Kissing his head again, I let out a breath. “I had no intention of touching him like that because I wasn’t ready for it. He was my first date with a guy. Touching his dick at that point would’ve given me hives.”
Ruslan was trying not to giggle but it was impossible. “I know. I’m smooth now, but at that point, dating a guy seemed like stepping into another world.”
“Yeah, I remember my first time dating guys. I get it.” Ruslan finally stopped hiding and kissed my cheek. “What happened next?”
“Chaos.” That wasn’t even a dramatic explanation. “He jumped up and went on this religious tirade that still doesn’t make sense because I’m pretty sure he was talking about God from the point of view of several major religions, and he accused me of going too fast and there was something about sin. I panicked at that point, so I don’t know if there was another trauma I wasn’t aware of or what, but the date ended and we never talked again.”
I’d thought about it a lot over the years, and I still wasn’t sure how much more we should’ve talked before we started kissing, but I’d never made assumptions again. Even now, none of it made sense and I couldn’t decide if he’d just changed his mind once he thought about actually trying BDSM.
“That sounds…” He let out a breath. “Stressful.”
Oh, the understatement.
“Yeah, I’m still not sure what happened and he transferred schools the next year. Maybe I did something wrong, and maybe I didn’t, but that’s why making sure I understand your limits and what you’re expecting from me needs to be very clear.” That was the point where I worried and overthought, so his hiding what he wanted was a nonnegotiable point.
Groaning, Ruslan went back to being delightfully dramatic. “I have to be a good grown-up and tell you what I want.”
It would be painful but it was necessary.
“Unfortunately.”
He didn’t see the irony in my response. “I’m glad you understand, Daddy.”
Drama queen.
“We can go as slow as we need to, though.” I wasn’t going to rush him to open up just because it was what I needed.
“But I want to come tonight. I want you to give me a bath next time I’m little, so I’ve got to tell you that.” He was so wound up in all the drama about talking to me that he didn’t seem to realize he was talking to me. “I’m going to have to tell you how much I like spankings, Daddy. That’s hard.”
He was the most fascinating drama queen I’d ever met…and he didn’t even realize why that last part was funny.
“I know, but we’ll get through it.” Giving him a hug and doing my best not to laugh, I sighed like I knew how terrible it was going to be for him. “What’s the toughest part? What’s going to make you want to pout and stomp your foot?”
He still thought the whole conversation was perfectly reasonable.
“Having to tell you that I like toys. That’s not easy. And then I have to tell you that I’ve gotstuffand that Daddies should be in charge of certain things. Ugh. This is going to be painful.” He clearly wasn’t thinking before words came out of his mouth, but I made an executive decision not to point that out.
“But when you’re brave and do a good job suffering for me, I’ll get to reward you.” That had him going very still and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. “Good boys should get rewards and they should getbigrewards when being good was really hard.”
The drama queen liked the idea of rewards more than whining.
“I…I like rewards. My…my love language might be orgasms and attention.” He said that so sincerely that I was pretty sure he’d never read that love languages book…hell, he hadn’t even watched a YouTube video on it. “A guy I met online pointed that out.”
He knew the strangest people.
“I’m going to love giving you lots of orgasms and attention.” I was the best Daddy ever for saying that with a straight face. “But you have to work hard first.”
I was guessing that part of the rambling toys and control explanation was his way of talking about some kind of restraints and orgasm restrictions, but I was going to have to poke him to whine more about it before I understood exactly what he’d meant.
Another reason for a good limits discussion.
“I have a good work ethic, Daddy.” Again, he thought that was a perfectly reasonable response, so I couldn’t even smile. “And I like rewards.”
“They’re part of your love language so that makes perfect sense.” In his mind at least. “I’m going to love finding all kinds of fun ways to reward you. Don’t forget, we talked about the trips we could take and activities we could do.”
Our previous conversation about rewards made me think that his attention whore side would be happy to go do things together and we didn’t just have to focus on orgasms, so I wasn’t surprised when he nodded. “That would be fun. I mostly just work and then come play with my toys when I want to relax.”
That sounded lonely.
