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I shivered slightly at the way he spoke of our meeting, as if I was an axis that his life turned around. Before and after.
“I don’t want the freedom to be alone anymore,” he said. “And neither do I want to be chained to my past.”
“You’ve forgiven your family?” I couldn’t keep the eagerness out of my voice.
“Was there anything to forgive?” he asked in a strange tone.
I moved toward him, reaching for him without meaning to do so. He looked at my outstretched hands, his whole body trembling slightly, as if he was suppressing something that took enormous effort.
I lowered my arms again slowly, my eyes locked on his as I waited to hear what else he had to say.
“When you left last night—” The tremble was in his voice as well, and it took everything I had not to close the last of the distance between us and put my arms around him.
He swallowed. “When you left, and I didn’t know if you were coming back, I—” He shook his head as if shaking off an unwelcome thought and glanced sideways.
I followed the direction of his gaze to see a mess of smashed wood and several broken objects I couldn’t identify. Nik claimed it had been my departure that had sparked his wild emotions, but I knew it was more than that. I’d stirred up his problems with his family, and they were emotions he needed to face.
“When I came to my senses, I knew you were right,” he said. “And so were they.”
“Right about what?” I asked cautiously.
“Right that I was never suited to rule. I didn’t get on this ship to protect the kingdom from Grey or the islanders. I came to protect you. In that moment, you were the only one I cared about, Delphine. And even now, I would walk away from the rest of them and never look back if you needed me to.”
“But I don’t—”
“I know you would never ask that of me,” he said quickly. “But that isn’t what matters. What matters is that I would do it. I thought the Triumvirate rejected me because they doubted my power. Even when they told me it was because I lacked the qualities of a ruler, I refused to hear it. I refused to see any deficiency in myself. But my father turned his back on his own son when the kingdom demanded it of him. And even I have to acknowledge that as far as Tartora is concerned, it was the right thing to do. A king puts his kingdom first—it’s the most basic requirement for the role. And I don’t think I’ve ever been selfless enough to do it.”
He shook his head slowly. “I was fooling myself the whole time—telling myself I was doing things for the good of the kingdom when I was only ever thinking about myself. I was just like Grey—seeking power for its own sake not because I wanted to use it to help anyone else.”
“We all lie to ourselves like that,” I said softly. “We come up with admirable reasons for our actions to cover the selfishness or fear that is truly driving us. But this conversation right now is what separates you from Grey. Do you think he’s ever peeled back the layers to look at himself as he truly is? Do you think he has any desire to do so?”
“Maybe there’s hope for him yet,” Nik said with a rough laugh. “A year ago I was no different. And then I fell in love with you.”
I froze, staring at him. He finally drew closer, standing a mere step away, although he kept his arms at his side.
“I love you, Delphine. More intensely than I thought I could love anyone or anything. So now I’m selfish in a different way. But at least you make me want to be better.”
Unable to restrain myself any longer, I reached out and took his hands. “Maybe you’re not made to be a ruler, but you’re too harsh on yourself. You do care about the people of Tartora. I’ve seen it. You were tracking Grey before anyone else cared enough to notice what he was doing. You didn’t turn your eyes away from the ones the rest of the kingdom preferred to forget.”
“I know what it’s like to be unwanted by your kingdom,” he muttered.
“And you were out there in the middle of the storm in Eldrida,” I continued relentlessly, “putting yourself at risk to rescue people. You didn’t have to do that. No one would even have known if you hadn’t.”
He frowned but was apparently unable to come up with a suitable retort.
“There’s more to you than just selfishness, Nik. And without the lure of a throne to lead you off track, you can finally work out what you were made to do. Remember what Amara said? We’re all different, and that means we all show our love differently. You might not be well suited to making the strategic decisions that affect everyone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make all the difference to some people.” My voice lowered. “You’ve already made a difference to me.”
Nik’s fingers tightened around mine, his eyes latching onto my face with painful intensity.
“What sort of difference have I made to you, Delphine? I don’t expect you to feel the same way I do right now, but do you think there’s any chance that one day you might—”
I pulled my hands loose and grabbed two fistfuls of his shirt. For half a second, I stayed paused there, taking in his features. When I had first met him, I had found him simultaneously terrifying and attractive, and even now, the fire burning in his eyes scared me a little, although in a different way. I had no idea how someone like Nik could feel so intensely about me. But I had been fighting my own feelings for too long, and I didn’t have the strength to resist any more.
Yanking him downward, I stretched up and smashed my lips to his. For a moment we were frozen there, his shock holding him immobile. Then his arms were around me, his lips were moving on mine, and he was whispering my name in a voice that sent a shiver all the way through me.
Giving up the fight completely, I lost myself in the kiss. But even as I did, an echo of fear lingered. This spark between us might lift us to new heights, or it might burn us to the ground. Even as the flames engulfed us both, I couldn’t be sure which it would be.
ChapterTwenty-Six
