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“I’m as pissed-off and as stressed out as you are.”
Uh-huh. “Funny how your pissed-off face and your cool and collected face look so much alike.”
Xander pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Do you want to see your father now?” Hesitation filled the nurse’s voice.
Xander nodded, but gave me another look. “I get it,” he said. “I actually do understand, and I’m sorry.”
I could count on one hand the number of times I’d heard Xander apologize as an adult, and that wasn’t just to me. That didn’t make his words any easier to swallow.
He followed the nurse into the other room, and I went back to my seat. There was no reason to repeat anything—the entire waiting room heard my mini-tantrum.
“You should take the hotel room tonight,” Alys said softly. “So you can see your dad in the morning.”
It didn’t matter. I could go back to Haddarville and go back to my life and wait for news.
But it did matter, and I wanted to see him. I wanted to be here in the morning to confirm with my own eyes that he was back to his old self. Maybe I shouldn’t care, but I did. He was still my father.
“Are you both…” going back to town? I couldn’t push the question out.
Alys shook her head. “We’re staying with you.”
I hadn’t seen them discuss it, but Onyx didn’t argue. Thank fuck for the best friends ever.
Xander rejoined us about ten minutes later, looking as stoic as when he left. “He’s still Dad. We should call it a night.”
I could ask for more details, but really that said it all.
Onyx took Dom up on the offer of a ride, to head back long enough to grab us clothes and his car. Alys texted Aubrey to tell her to let Onyx in when he showed up. Onyx and Dom went in one direction, Xander and Judith left together, and I drove Alys to the hotel.
Was it childish that I was grateful our room was on a different floor, on a different side of the building, than Xander’s?
The room was generic—beige, white, and shades of gray —with a single king sized bed in the middle. I didn’t know if Dom had done that on purpose or not, but I was grateful for it. I could keep Alys and Onyx close tonight without any stupid conversations about who would sleep in the spare room or at someone else’s house.
Alys rested her arm against mine, as we stood at the edge of the room. “I’ve been telling myself all night not to ask, but now I have to,” she said. “How are you doing?”
“Honestly? I have no clue.” I could try to put it in words, but if the jumble felt unhinged in my head, it would be worse out loud.
“Okay.”
The way she said the word, with so much sincerity and simplicity, made me ache. There was no pressure or expectation, but simply acceptance.
All of that from the word okay.
Impulse snaked through me, bringing clarity with it. The most I’d had all day. “That’s not completely true. There’s one thing I know about how I feel.”
“What’s that?”
I spun and tilted her head up with my finger, to search her eyes. Fuck she was gorgeous. Salvation and beauty and security. I crushed my mouth to hers.
Alys pressed into me, gasping and groaning.
Desperation flooded me, to be closer to her. To be part of her. I kissed her until my lips ached, and then kept kissing.
When I pulled my mouth from hers, I didn’t let her go. Instead I tilted her head again, and dragged my thumb along her swollen lips. “I can’t lose you, Alys. I don’t want a no-strings physical relationship with you. I want hard, passionate, all-consuming sex, and I never want the late night conversations to stop and I never want to give up the chaos and the fantastic fucking insanity and I never want to let you go. And maybe this isn’t the best time to say anything, but I have to tell you because waiting… Waiting means maybe not being able to tell you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” The way she said it was like before. Acceptance and understanding.
