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The thought slithers through me, and I shake it from my mind. Yet my chest clenches, the defensive response rising before I can avoid it.
No, what made me susceptible to Kirran was him being my best friend for years, then him kissing me in the garden one evening and telling me he’d been “dying to do that for months.”
I suck in a deep breath and focus on scrubbing the dirt from beneath my fingernails. It doesn’t matter why I fell for Kirran’s charms. All that matters is how he let me drop.
Not that it matters anymore. What’s done is done, and there’s no going back.
I rise from the bath, towel off, and reach for the borrowed dress, carefully sliding the smooth fabric up my body. It fits well. Snug but not restrictive, like all fey clothing is. I settle my necklace under the collar and dare a glance down at myself, then in the mirror.
My heart sinks. I’ve cleaned my hands, but nothing disguises that they’re working hands, not soft and smooth like a courtier’s should be. Like my stepmother and stepsisters’ are. Even now, I’m nothing but a child playing dress-up in clothes far too fancy for her.
Just as I was once a gullible girl playing at becoming a princess.
Worse yet, I still look like me. I will stand out like a pig among swans.
Reena, dressed and glowing in her golden makeup, returns and grins at me before pulling me to the side to brush out my hair. With every stroke, she both dries and magically darkens the strands, until my hair glimmers a far more acceptable and inconspicuous strawberry russet. She cautions that it will only stay this way for a few hours, bringing us to about midnight when the enchantment will disintegrate. I assure her that it will be long enough.
If all goes as I wish, I’ll be in bed and fast asleep by midnight.
For Reena. It’s just one evening.
When she finishes tucking some of the strands up around my head, she dusts on a quick layer of makeup and leads me back to the mirror.
We stand side by side, staring at ourselves. I don’t recognize myself even from a few moments ago. Gone are the tangled flaxen tresses, the sweat-stained slip of a dress that’s due for another round of patches, the apron and worn boots. In my place stands, if not a princess, then at least a lady.
My hair looks as ordinary as Reena’s. Its soft reddish-gold complements my fair skin. But one glimpse of my blue-green eyes, and I see the spring fey, the human, the servant. No mask or makeup will hide that.
Could I be something else, even for one night?
Fear twists my insides, but I try to rationalize what I’m about to do. Because I’ll be with Reena until Captain Harran whisks her away, and then I’ll leave. Because seven years have passed since I stepped foot in the ballroom while Kirran was present, and I’m no longer the naïve young woman I was. I’ve mostly healed from his rejection. I’ve grown a bit taller. Hard work has leaned my body more than it ever was before. My hair is magically altered, my figure naturally fuller. I won’t speak louder than a whisper, so Kirran won’t hear me, if he’d even still know my voice. He probably never memorized it in the first place. Not like I did with his.
After all this time, he’s surely discarded every memory of me. Blotted me from his thoughts the way I blot up spilled wine.
And I’ll wear a mask. It’ll be fine.
Yet for as many times as I reassure myself, a deeper instinct plumes within me, whispering that the bejeweled mask will provide me no anonymity, that he will readily recognize me by my eyes, that I won’t be able to avoid him the whole night.
And worse still, that everything will not be fine.
ChapterThree
KIRRAN
An array of banquet tables and people fill the room before me. Elaborate chandeliers boast dozens of candles, and bright lamps line the walls. The tables have been set up off near the pillars on either side of the room, leaving the middle open for dancing.
There are numerous men present — soldiers and courtiers and nobles, here to mingle and rub shoulders with those more powerful. But the vast majority of the attendees are eligible women at least sixteen years of age. Daughters and sisters and cousins of nobility. A handful are humans, but most are autumn fey. Some may be here hoping to get close to any number of the unattached men.
The rest have made me their goal.
Even before I step into the ballroom, the sense of being hunted overwhelms me.
I clench my teeth, lock my hands into fists, and force myself forward. Better to get it over with than try to slip away. My father would only drag it out another three days. Not that he has much time to waste.
I locate a spot at the far end of the tables and settle in against the wall, watching those around me chatter and eat and laugh. My insides churn too much to leave room for hunger, though I should be hungry. I haven’t eaten since early this morning, before arriving here.
A wave of something I can’t name washes over me, and I peer down at my gloved hands.
Was it really just this morning? This time yesterday, I was still traveling. Still with my men. Life still made sense, was simpler.
