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Kirran says nothing. But he’s not walking away anymore, has turned to face me.
“He warned me about you,” I choke out. “Said you were only ‘fooling around’ with me to anger him. ‘Spite and exasperate’ him.”
He stills at that, becomes nothing more than stone, apart from his eyes. Gold eyes that now lock on me as if I’ve torn the words from his own head and spewed them back at him.
My heart shreds itself, devouring any hope that I’m wrong.
But now that I’ve started, I won’t stop. “He said you weren’t serious about me, that any promise you made was just to… That I was just…a…” I don’t want to say the word, but he asked why. And I’m tired of games. “He said I was aconquestto you, someone to pass the time with until you found someone better, more worthy. I was practice for the woman you’d marry.” I sniffle and grip handfuls of my borrowed gown. “A game to amuse yourself.”
Through the tears blurring my vision, it takes a moment to search the shadows for Kirran’s reaction.
The place where he stood is only darkness.
I’m alone on the balcony. He didn’t even stay to respond, to explain anything. I matter that little. I shouldn’t be surprised, yet it still blasts against my awareness like winter wind.
A shudder goes through me, and I wipe at my tears. They keep coming. I compose myself as much as I can, glance toward the glowing ballroom, and hurry toward the staircase leading into the firefly-blanketed gardens. Gardens I have traversed dozens if not hundreds of times during our clandestine meetings, stolen moments throughout the days and nights.
I have carefully avoided them for years, and now…
A sob catches in my throat, and I press one hand over my mouth to quiet myself.
Perhaps I am not as over him as I thought.
I make it back to my quarters without passing anyone except a handful of other servants. No one tries to speak with me. Once safely behind the door, I peel off Reena’s dress and kick off the shoes. I set them all aside. Still wiping away persistent tears, I slip into my nightgown. And I cling to my mother’s necklace until I manage to cry myself to sleep.
Just like I did last time.
ChapterFive
KIRRAN
“Ineed to speak with you. Right now.”
My father blinks and shifts an annoyed gaze toward me. Several courtiers gather in a half circle before him. General Zeccar and his wife stand among them. Surprised glances pass between the people, though no one speaks.
“I am currently engaged, Kirran. As should you be.” His tone edges a bit harder as he lifts his chin. “Mingle with the ladies. Find a bride. Do the things you are supposed —”
“Right. Now. Father.” I set my jaw. A ripple of magic tugs at my fingertips, and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. “Or I’ll make myself clear in a different way.”
His eyes narrow, but he purses his lips and tosses a look toward his companions. They all instantly snap to attention, like they haven’t been gawking between us since I came over. Zeccar’s face alone pinches with concern.
“Forgive me,” my father says, “but the crown prince requests my attention elsewhere. Do enjoy the festivities. Save some of the wine for me.”
I wait only until I see him actually move to follow me. Then I breeze through the fringes of the crowd and out one of the side entrances.
The instant we’re in the hall, he whirls toward me, face red and eyes ablaze. “Of all the reckless, irres—”
“Did you tell Alia she was nothing but aconquestto me?”
“Alia?” He freezes, lips parting in more of a sneer than he likely intends for me to see. “Servant-Alia?”
Long-buried protective fire spirals through my chest. “Yes, Servant-Alia! Alia, the ‘half-fey wench who’s only good for scrubbing the floors and keeping her face buried in the dirt.’ The woman I told you I intended to make my wife.” I stalk closer to him. “ThatAlia!”
He just looks at me. Disgust lingers in his eyes. Whether it’s over my words, my behavior, or the mention of the young commoner from my past, I can’t tell. “What about her?”
“Everything you said to me about her and what she meant to me a few months before I left — did you repeat it to her?”
He stares, inhales deeply, and lets out a huff. “No, Kirran. I have never spoken to the girl.”
