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CHAPTER
3
Keira
When Porter steppedinto the elevator with me, I couldn't help but feel surrounded and completely immersed in him all over again. The feelings that I'd harboured in my heart for him these last few years had never weakened. The realization for that came when it only took one look at him to have those feelings surface all over again. Telling him that I was engaged was my only defence against him. To make him turn away from me by hurting him. Because if he found out just how really messed up my life was now, I wouldn't be able to take the look of disappointment in his eyes. But hearing just how much he still hated me for what I did broke my heart all over again. It felt like it all just happened yesterday, but there was no way I’d let him see just how broken my heart really was. I still hadn't been able to pick up all the pieces he left shattered on the ground.
As we faced off, staring at one another, I so badly wanted for him to just wrap his arms around me and kiss me on my head like he used to do and tell me it was all going to be okay.
But I knew it wasn’t. I had something nagging at me, something bad that I just couldn't seem to put my finger on.
Needing for him to go so I could have my breakdown in private, I turned away from him and walked over to the window, looking outside at all the lights as the first tear fell. "Just go, Porter. Be a gentleman and just go."
Feeling his breath on my neck just before his hands wrapped around my waist, he pulled me back into his hard chest, holding me tightly against him. We just stood there, staring out the window together for a moment before he finally broke the silence. "I need to know what happened Keira, and I think you know I'm not going anywhere until I do."
Turning in his arms to face him, I felt his hands drop to the top of my backside as I laid my head on his chest, trying to regain some of the control he always robbed from me when he was near. "Justin was blackmailing me, Porter."
Setting me away from him, he looked into my eyes as I continued. "He had photos of us... intimate photos... of our playtime together."
"Sonofabitch! Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, running his hands over his face. "That still doesn't explain you kissing him and telling him that you loved him."
Moving out of his grip, I strode over to sit on the bed and patted the spot next to me. "Please, sit down and I'll explain everything."
I explained to Porter about how Justin was going to go to the press about us, how he was going to expose me as the flaw in my father's family camp. That I had tried to seduce him into telling me where the photos were that night he saw us, knowing Justin was only doing it because he wanted me for himself. I knew Porter would never see what I did as justified to him. He was always so in control when we were together sexually, and it tended to leak into our every day lives. As a very independent woman, it was the hardest part of our relationship for me. I needed to know that I could still make some decisions for myself and solve my own problems as I saw fit. It was bad enough I had my father and brother constantly interfering in my life.
"Did it work? Did you get the photos back?"
"I did. I told him I wouldn't sleep with him until he gave them to me, so I got them the next day."
"And did you?" He asked, glaring at me with dark eyes.
"Sleep with him? No. He died in a DUI related accident two day’s before he was supposed to meet up with me to give me the drive with the extra copies on it."
"I never heard about his death."
"That's because he was the one who was driving drunk. My father couldn't have that kind of blemish on his campaign, so he paid someone off to say the body was unidentifiable. A John Doe. The next day there were more important headlines, so he was just forgotten about and faded away into the background, never to be thought about again."
When I was finished all Porter did was hang his head and let out a defeated breath. "Jesus Ker, you should have come to me, I could have helped you."
"How? You were the enemy as far as Justin was concerned."
"I don't know!" he shouted, pushing up into a standing position as he started to pace the room, jamming his hands through his hair. "Do you even know what that did to me that night? Seeing you two together like that?"
"I know and I'm sorry," I said, standing to walk over to him.
"I don't think you do." He rounded on me with a glare in his eyes so dark that it caused me to take a step back when he continued to move forward. "I loved you like no other, Ker. I gave everything about myself to you. I gave you the real me! Do you even have a clue as to how hard that was for me? I've always kept that side of myself hidden when it came to being intimate with a woman."
"As I did with you!" I shouted back at him, holding my ground, and moving into his space. "I told you things about myself that could bring my whole family's political career crumbling down! How bad do you think the press would salivate at reporting the fact that Senator Watson's daughter likes to be tied up and dominated? You're the only man I've ever told my deepest darkest fantasies to, Porter. You’re the only man I've ever trusted enough to."
"Then why didn't you trust me enough to tell me about the blackmail?"
"I tried to!" I yelled, my voice reaching ear piercing levels from the frustration I felt. "I came all the way to Wyoming to explain things to you, Porter! What happened then, huh? Oh yeah, you shut me out of your life and ran away like some little bitch!"
Shocked at my own words, I wasn’t even remotely surprised when Porter's eyes grew even darker, if that was possible.
He backed me up to the edge of my bed before pushing me down onto it. Hovering over me, he pushed my hands up over my head, our lips only a breath apart. His eyes bored into mine with such intensity that I tried to look away, but I was held in place by his other hand firmly gripping my chin. "Did you just call me a little bitch?" He questioned in that deep, demanding, and controlling tone he always used to get my body to jump to attention.
Still angry with him for never giving me the chance to explain things to him all those years ago, I moved my face in closer to his, causing our lips to brush over one another when I spoke. "If the shoe fits," and then raised my brow at him as if to challenge him, which I knew was a stupid idea the second I did it. Staring at me as if deciding what to do next, he ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of my lips then parted them, plunging it in deep, and taking the control I’d always loved giving up to him in the bedroom. As he deepened the kiss, I could feel my panties become soaked the way they always did with the slightest touch from him. His hands traveled their way under my shirt and up to cup both of my breasts, squeezing my nipples between his fingers.
