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“Jesus,” I mutter.
“Yeah,” Kincaid says, his eyes locked across the building on her. “Let’s go make sure they get the right stuff.”
Reluctantly, I follow him from the room.
“That pull in your gut that tells you to keep her in your line of sight only grows,” he says conversationally.
I force myself to put one foot in front of the other and increase the distance between her and me.
“I think we’re going to give it a try,” I say, knowing he’ll know what I’m talking about since he seems to be inside my head right now anyway.
He nods. “Kids are happy when the adults in their lives are happy, but just make sure you aren’t trying to force it for the wrong reasons. Some people aren’t meant to be together even though they share a child.”
His words make me think back to Jinx, Simone, and Rocker. Those three all hooked up one night, and she ended up pregnant. She and Rocker fell in love, but the baby was Jinx’s. They didn’t let the paternity rip them apart. Jinx is still a father to that child even though Simone and his best friend are together.
The thought of her putting her arms around someone else makes my skin crawl.
I also know all about what many call the honeymoon phase when people are on their best behavior from the very beginning, but I don’t feel like that pertains to us at all. She all but hated me when I arrived in St. Louis. I know now that it was a defense mechanism, that she was fearful I’d take Sutton and the boys away from her. Hopefully, letting her know I don’t have any intention of doing that will settle some of the things piled between us. I know we both have walls up, and trust is a vulnerable thing, especially after lies have been told and secrets have been kept.
So if there are masks up, maybe they will fall quickly and we can see if we’re as compatible as I’m hoping we are.
“I want to pay for everything today,” I say after confirming with the warehouse manager the things they plan to start loading up on the trailer.
“They’re club purchases,” Kincaid says, rejecting my offer with no further explanation. “How do you feel about work?”
“What do you mean?” I ask as we walk back into the store part of the building.
“From my own experience, I know that working while single and working when you have a family at home waiting for you are two very different beasts.”
“I have no doubt,” I tell him.
I haven’t thought about work in so long, but it’s only been a few weeks since we went out.
The itch covering my skin begins to fade when I lock eyes on her once again.
“When will I know?” I ask, a vulnerability in my tone I can’t seem to help.
“Know what?”
“When it’s real.”
“You’ll just know.”
“I can’t stop thinking about her,” I say. “I want to see her all the time, even when we’ve only been apart for a brief time. I would burn the world down for her and the kids.”
“Sounds like you may already know.”
“It’s too soon,” I argue, the same words that I’ve heard in my head on repeat for the last couple of days.
“It isn’t,” he argues. “Sometimes it just happens like that. I was gone for Em in a matter of days. Now it took us a little longer to meet in the middle, but we eventually got there. Now, we’ve been together for over thirty years, and that love we felt in the beginning is stronger than it’s ever been.”
I nod, taking it all in as I watch her smile. Her eyes wander, looking through the store until they land on mine. I swear my heart beats just a little faster with her attention on me.
“I urge you not to listen to what others might say or what opinions they may have. How they would handle this situation and how you handle it don’t have to be the same. They aren’t living your life. You have to follow your heart. If your heart is no longer angry about the time you lost with Sutton and you want to spend more time with Mila, then you should focus on that.”
I take a deep breath, the air rushing from my lungs with relief. Until now, I didn’t realize how much I was holding onto because I was worried about other people. It makes it clear now why Mila thought I might have had a plan to take the kids away from her. But I knew early on that I could either stay bitter and fight with the woman my daughter loves so much, or I could accept that I lost two years of Sutton’s life. Staying bitter would only make me lose even more time, and that wasn’t something I was willing to do.
“Thank you,” I tell him, earning a clap on the back.
