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A part of me knew my thoughts were unreasonable. But the other part of my brain, the one that was cursing me for daring to eat a slice of pizza before such a big job…it was much louder.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked them away, unwilling to let them fall. I could control my thoughts. I could—I turned sideways, scrutinizing my profile. My fingers traced the outline of my ribs, a ritualistic gesture that provided me with a twisted sense of reassurance. The bones beneath my skin were like a map of my self-control, a testament to the discipline I had imposed upon myself.
Without warning, I bolted from my seat and rushed to the bathroom, Waldo following closely behind. I stared at the toilet, trying to talk myself out of throwing up.
It didn’t work. I clung to the toilet bowl, my thoughts spiraling into a chaotic abyss.
Twenty minutes later, I rose unsteadily to my feet and rinsed my mouth. Waldo looked up at me, his eyes filled with concern, and I patted his head, trying to comfort him.
With trembling hands, I tried to pull myself together.
The worst part was that not only did I not feel thinner…but now I felt sick. My throat was sore, my eyes were bloodshot, my skin felt clammy…and my stomach muscles were aching.
“I’m a mess,” I whispered, wishing I could engage in my other dirty little secret and release some of this pain.
I walked back into my room and my phone buzzed on the nightstand. I rushed to pick it up, the screen illuminating with Ari's message: "Good luck today, sunshine. See you soon."
A surge of warmth immediately washed over me...but also shame. He was my chance…my chance for a good thing. And when he found out how messed up I was…it was going to fuck it all up.
My phone pinged again, signaling my Uber was there.
I was close to hysterics as I grabbed my bag and headed out into the living room. Charlotte was on the couch flipping through channels on the tv, and she gave me a weird look as I passed by…crying. I whispered, “see ya,” and went out the door before she could ask me any questions.
I wiped at my face before I stepped into the waiting car. I could get through today. I could seize the opportunity. Ihadto seize the opportunity.
I couldn’t lose Ari.
The driver set off, the city rushing past me and the weight of my past feeling like a weight stretched taut across my skin.
Thirty minutes later, we’d made it to the expansive warehouse hosting the Renage photo shoot. My stomach had churned the whole ride over with lingering discomfort. I thanked the driver and walked inside, immediately enveloped by all the activity on the set. The bustling makeup artists, hairstylists, and wardrobe assistants, all seemed distant, as if they were moving through a haze. My steps were unsteady, and I clung to each breath, willing the feeling of unease to subside.
Bright lights hung overhead, their intensity exacerbating my discomfort, casting stark shadows that danced before my eyes. The vivid backdrop, a surreal mural of vibrant colors and intricate details appeared almost dreamlike, like a mirage shimmering in the distance.
I rounded a corner, and froze in my tracks. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped as I spotted a familiar butterfly tattoo on a well-built, bronzed back.
Instead of Derek Thornton, Ari Lancaster was there in front of me, modeling a pair of tight black Renege boxer briefs that left almost nothing to the imagination.
The thin cotton fabric clung to his body like a second skin, accentuating the masterpiece of his muscles. My senses tingled, my body responding instinctively to the sight before me, a surge of desire making my core tighten. You could see the enormous outline of his cock through the briefs. The sight was erotic and outrageous.
And mine. I knew what that cock could do. I knew how it felt inside me.
I’d taken his cum into my body, over and over again. No one ever had his cum but me.
I squeezed my fists, taking in everyone around the room who was staring at him, lusting after him. I wanted to rip him away, cover him with my body so they knew he belonged to me.
My eyes traced the captivating lines of his V, and I could feel that my panties were damp. I think it would take a lifetime to truly explore him like I wanted to…to uncover his magic.
As if he could sense me, he glanced over his shoulder with a lazy smile…and he winked.
Like “surprise!” I decided to star in your shootwithouttelling you.
Before I could do anything…or even react to his wink, a harried looking woman with a large black headset popped up in front of me.
“There you are!” she snapped. “We need to get you ready.” When I didn’t move as fast as she wanted, she clapped on her clipboard. “NOW!”
I hurried to where she was pointing, glancing over at Ari who was glaring at the woman with the scariest face I’d seen on him.
Hoping he didn’t say anything to her, I rushed into the dressing room, where a flurry of activity surrounded me. Within moments, I found myself slipping into a barely-there black lace negligee set, oil and bronzer being rubbed all over my skin. My hair and makeup were expertly done, transforming me into someone I scarcely recognized. My eyes were adorned with smoky, sultry eyeshadow and my lips were painted a vibrant shade of crimson, a bold contrast to the smoky eyes. My hair was styled into loose, cascading waves that framed my face. The soft curls tumbled down my shoulders.
