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Chapter 17
Rainpeltedthecastleon Sunday morning, spoiling the appearance of the snow. Aleks wasn’t at breakfast. Swimming with Justin and Will provided a brief diversion, but the itchy wrongness of the day wouldn’t shift. I felt out of place and like I needed to be somewhere else. Aleks still wasn’t around at lunchtime, and I asked Holly about it.
“He’s ill,” she said. “I would’ve took some dinner up to him. But seeing the merry dance he’s led you with that een…” She jerked her head in Simone’s direction. “Well.”
All I could see in my mind’s eye was Aleks. Aleks in pain.
“I packed his medication,” I remembered. “It’s in my bag.”
“Aye? Give it to me. I’ll take it up.”
“I’ll do it.” He wouldn’t want to see people when he was ill. I knew that.
“Quiney, I ken ye’ve got it bad, but you shouldna—”
“I’m taking it Holly, and some food. Is there a flask? He might not feel like eating right now, but soup would be good for him.”
She shook her head in disapproval but helped me to get a tray together.
Having ascertained that Simone was going swimming with Sadie, I located the three packets of drugs in the bag in my room. Maybe he already had some with him? This could be an unwelcome and needy-looking visit. Not able to take the risk that he might be suffering, I walked down to his room, gave a gentle tap on the door and went in.
He was sitting up in bed, leaning back against the headboard. “Malphia,” he said, voice husky and surprised.
“I packed them.” I showed him the boxes. “I didn’t know if you had more.”
“I was just going to ride it out this time.”
“Precious as ever then.” I popped four of the large oval pills out of their foil and handed them to him along with the bottle of water from the tray. Only then did I fully take in his appearance. He was sweaty and hot. His eyes looked sunken with dark circles underneath, and his skin was horribly pale.
“You’re worse than last time. Shouldn’t you see a doctor?”
“This is how it is.”
“Come on then, lie down, sleep and let the drug work.” I arranged the pillows with the top one pushed back, how he liked them. He lay stiffly, trying to hide the pain. I wanted to say: ‘It’s me, you don’t have to pretend.’ But things were not as they once had been.
He took my hand. “I am so sorry.”
What could I say? She’s beautiful and socially adept; I understand? Because really, I did. This man had never been mine to keep. But his face was bereft, and it was important that he rest. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay,” I told him. The words became a mantra as I stroked his hair, and he soon slept. I kissed his cheek, breathed him in one last time and walked the many steps down to the television room.
“Prick upsetting you again, Malph?”
“He didn’t mean to. Not this time. It’s just, you know, very, very over now.”
It was easy sitting with Will in the little room. He didn’t expect me to speak or be social in any way. He went to the kitchen and came back with excessively sweet tea, the mocking of which took my mind off Aleks for about half a minute. I wanted to run back upstairs and check he hadn’t deteriorated. Instead, I listened to Will shout in goal celebration and yell abuse at the referee.
Dinnertime arrived, and Aleks was still absent. Simone seemed unconcerned, picking disdainfully at her salad and laughing with Sadie. The evening dragged, the rain continued, the cold grew.
My attempt to walk past Aleks’s door failed. A soft tap wouldn’t wake him if he were sleeping, and I really wanted to know how he was. I paused, fist raised, because: what if Simone was in there? My hand recoiled.
“You are never needing to knock.”
I almost stumbled down a step in shock. Aleks had come up the stairs so silently behind me.
“You’re better.” His forehead felt warmly cool under my hand, and the colour of his face was normal. We smiled at each other before the new circumstances dimmed everything once more. “I better go,” I said.
“But you were coming to see me?”
“To check you were okay and then, I didn’t know…”
