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She didn’t always like that. She wanted to do what felt good. But, what felt good didn’t necessarily lead her to become the person that she wanted to be. Maybe she was a little young to learn that lesson. Because no one else at school seemed to understand that. But, maybe that gave her a leg up, figuring that out early.
It’s what Rodney seemed to be saying. Maybe not exactly, but close.
“I like Griff. I like him a lot. He’s... He’s the kind of man I want to be.” He shoved the napkin away and leaned back in his seat. “I didn’t like my dad. And I don’t want to be like him. But, I’m not happy that he’s gone. And I feel a little guilty because I don’t like him more.”
“I don’t think you need to feel guilty.”
“The pastor that I’ve been talking to the last week or so said the same thing. He said that sometimes God puts trials in our lives to push us toward Him. But, sometimes we let those trials draw us away from Him. That’s what the devil wants. I’ve never seen it so clearly, but there are two sides.”
Becky nodded. She figured the two sides thing out a long time ago, but she thought about the trials. She wanted to have a home, and was a little angry at God for making her different than everyone else. But, being different than everyone else meant that she understood things that other kids her age didn’t. God had given her that too. And she could kind of see how the things she’d gone through could make her stronger and better.
And how Rodney losing his parents could make him stronger and better too. If he let it.
“I thought you didn’t like pastors.”
“I like Griff. And he’s the one who suggested I talk to the pastor. He wanted me to go to counseling, but my mom spent years in counseling, and look what happened to her.”
Becky nodded. She wasn’t convinced counseling did much for anyone either. Maybe it just depended on the quality of a person’s counselor. But how did she know whether she was getting a good one?
“But Griff highly respected the pastor, and he told me as long as the pastor gave me advice that followed the Bible, I should take it.”
Becky nodded, tucking that away. She wasn’t sure about that. Wasn’t the Bible just an old book?
“Has the pastor helped you?” Becky asked, just wanting to make sure Rodney was doing okay. He looked sad, but he didn’t seem... Lost or depressed. In fact, it was almost like the death of his parents had pushed him toward Griff and that had ended up being a good thing for him.
“I think so. Probably the best thing he showed me is that for every decision we make, there are consequences. He used the whole sowing and reaping thing, but I don’t do much farming. Still, it’s not hard to understand that when you decide to cheat on your wife, you’re not going to only hurt yourself. You’re hurting a lot of other people. So you want to make sure that the decisions that you make are good ones. Not just for yourself, but for the people around you.”
Becky nodded. The decisions her parents had made had hurt her and Rita a lot. That wasn’t hard to see. And she already had decided she wanted to be different. But, Rodney was saying that meant she had to make different decisions. The problem was, she didn’t know which decisions to make differently. She supposed that’s why she needed Kristin and Luke.
“It’s not just the big decisions though.” Rodney said, thoughtfully. “Everything. Whether I decide to sit around and watch TV, or whether I decide to work today. That’s going to affect the person I become. It seems like a stupid thing. A little thing. What was a little TV going to hurt? Or what’s a little fun with friends going to matter? But everything builds over the years of a lifetime. And I want to do things that build a strong foundation and a good life. Not things that pull me away from the Lord and tempt me to do bad things.”
He seemed like he wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth and just looked at his hands.
That was something else Becky needed to think about, because she never considered that before either.
But she glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that she really needed to go.
“I promised I’d be home by nine thirty, and I wanted to be early. They...I think they’ll let me talk to you every day if that’s okay with you?” She never could quite figure out where they were at. She liked him, and wanted to be friends with him, but he was a lot older than she was and he might think that she was just a little kid who he didn’t want to spend any time around. But, if he wanted to spend time with her, she would. She owed him a lot. Maybe he didn’t save her exactly, but he got her the job at the horse farm with Davis, and her life had changed for the better since that point.
“I’d like that. I can take a break any time, so when you show up, I’ll just let Griff know that I’m on break. We could talk for half an hour or so.”
“I’ll tell Luke and Kristin. I know they’ll let me come over for that long.”
They smiled at each other, and Becky thought it was a friendly smile. Maybe Rodney didn’t think she was just a little bratty kid who was more annoying than anything.
“Thanks for all the things you did for me,” she said, as she slid out of the booth. She didn’t want to get all mushy. She wanted to be tough. But, she really did owe Rodney more than a thank you.
“Anyone would have done it.”
She shook her head. That wasn’t true.
“Take care of yourself, Dixie.”
“Don’t steal food out of anyone’s house, Beck Pet.”
She stuck her tongue out at him, then wished she wouldn’t have because it was a childish thing to do. But then she laughed when he stuck his out at her.
She turned, feeling the warm heavy feeling that person gets when they spend time with someone who knows they’re not perfect and likes them anyway and walked out of the diner.
