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It seemed to him that that was one way to grow business. A slow way, sure, but a tried-and-true way as well. As long as they continued to have quality food that enticed people to return.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Chi said, breaking into his thoughts.
He would rather think about the diner, about enticing people to come, than he would try to figure out what he could say to Chi to answer her question.
“I told you. There’s something about you that calls me. I... I wanted to be with you. So I stayed.”
That was the bottom line. It was all about Chi. He could have helped build a diner anywhere. It didn’t have to be in Strawberry Sands.
Strawberry Sands was where Chi was, and so that’s where he wanted to be too. He didn’t want to be where she wasn’t.
“That’s the second time you’ve insinuated that you...feel something for me.”
“And I asked you before, is that so hard to believe?” He wanted to be defiant about it, not humble. Being humble meant that he would give her the ability to hurt him. If he were defiant, he kept his walls up. And she couldn’t get in.
He was going back to his teenage days, when it was important to protect himself and the people around him. But he could trust Chi. Even if she didn’t return his feelings, she wasn’t going to make fun of him. She wasn’t going to hurt him. She wasn’t going to use his feelings against him. She wasn’t going to be unkind in any way.
He could trust her. With his heart, with his feelings, with his hopes.
The problem was, he knew she didn’t return any of those things, and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
Okay, that was a lie. He didn’t want to be embarrassed. That was the problem.
“I told you it was. I can’t really believe that,” she said, and it sounded like she was smiling.
All right. Humor might make it a little easier.
“I liked that you knew it was going to be hard, and you were putting the work in anyway. You were trying with everything you had, putting your very heart and soul into it. I admire that. I admire the fact that you wanted to do everything honestly, that you didn’t try to cut corners or get ahead by being dishonest. I admire your grit and your determination. I love the fact that when you come into the diner in the morning, you might be sleepy, you might be a little disheveled, but you’re smiling. Not too many people can smile at that hour in the morning, and I love that you can. And at eight o’clock at night when we finally turn the closed sign over, you’re still smiling. That means a lot. I admire that, and yeah, I find it attractive.”
There. It wasn’t as hard as what he thought it was going to be. Once the words started coming, they came pretty easily.
“Wow. You painted a picture of me that I don’t really see.”
“I see it. There wasn’t anything there that I made up. It’s you.”
“I just don’t see myself that way.”
“You just saw yourself through my eyes. A little bit anyway.” He didn’t tell her how he admired the way she supported her friends, how she held babies so couples could eat without the kids crying through the whole meal, even though she was overworked and could barely keep up with the things that she needed to keep up with. How she took a discount for senior citizens, when she really couldn’t afford it. All the things that she did that were just simple kindnesses but involved a sacrifice from her. He admired her willingness to sacrifice. That was what it boiled down to.
