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I feel my throat tightening up again, and it’s a struggle just to get anything out, much less a clear explanation of how I feel. I’m sweating in Jasha’s coat, but I’d be shivering if I took it off.
Nothing is right. Nothing is comfortable.
I swallow the lump in my throat and meet Jasha’s brilliant green eyes. “I just need to know the man I’m having a baby with. I don’t want to hate you anymore, but it’s difficult to know what to feel when I know so little about you.”
He laughs, but his face is dead serious. I know he feels the same.
“Don’t hold this against me, please,” I say, pulling my hand out from under his. “Neither of us asked for this, but I’d like to figure it out together. Can we do that?”
He nods, his eyes drifting over the chess board and then down to his lap. Usually, his chin is held high with pride, but tonight, he’s so deep in thought that he’s given up that façade. I get to see the true Jasha, someone that few people have ever seen before.
“If I tell you my story, then I want to know yours. No lies. No leaving things out. I want to know everything too,” he says.
I nod, feeling confident that this will break the wall of frustration between us. “I’ll tell you anything and everything.”
A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, and he nods along with me. “Okay, but be prepared for some pretty dark shit. My life hasn’t been a walk in the park.”
I brace myself for his story, trying to see things from his eyes, not from my own. I grew up in a very sheltered way, and I never saw all the horrible things regular people have to go through. I was never poor, never had to witness violence at home, and when I graduated high school, the world felt like it belonged to me.
I doubt Jasha’s life was anything like that.
“Nikolai and I were always together, even when we grew up and started making money. We always knew to stick together, that two heads were better than one, even if we didn’t always get along,” Jasha begins, his eyes losing focus as he sinks deeper into his mind. “Things are a bit different now that he’s married, but we still see each other often. I think… I think having a baby will actually bring us together again. Like, our kids could play together and stuff. I’d like that.”
I’m on the verge of tears already, but I try to hide it from Jasha. I want to hear his entire story. I want him to open his heart to me, and allow me to see the man behind the villain. I can’t spoil it by being a sobbing mess.
Jasha looks at me, studying my face like he’s trying to figure out if he’s said something wrong.
“Go on,” I say softly. “I want to hear more.”
“Well,” he says, scratching the stubble on his neck, “Nikolai and I got into the Bratva business through our father, who passed down his house to us when he died. We inherited the business he had built, too, and transformed it into a formidable empire together.”
“Wow, that must’ve taken a lot of effort,” I say with genuine admiration.
He shrugs, as though everything he’s ever accomplished is nothing. “We did what we were told, mostly. Our mother told us to always stick together, no matter what, and we took that to heart.”
I can hardly imagine a man like Jasha having a mother, but I guess it makes sense. He’s a lot nicer to women than he is to men, even if he’s not nice at all most of the time.
Jasha smiles at me, like he knows what I’m thinking. “Nikolai is the one who’s always talking about our mother. He knew her better than I did, since he’s a few years older and she died when we were younger.”
“Oh?” I ask, not wanting to pry but needing more information. He said he’d tell me everything, and that includes the painful parts.
“She had cancer. I think the stress and loneliness is what caused our father to die a few years after she did, because before she died, he was a very lively man. He’d chase us around the yard every evening after work, even if he was tired.”
A bittersweet smile appears on his face, and he shakes his head fondly at the memory. “One time, Nikolai waited around the side of the house for what felt like hours for him to get home, though it was probably more like thirty minutes. We had our water guns ready, but he must’ve seen us or something, because he parked the car somewhere else and snuck up on us with a water gun of his own. Jesus, we were soaked after that. He didn’t show any mercy on us, but we wouldn’t have shown him any either.”
I laugh with tears still in my eyes. “He sounds like a great father.”
“He was, but he was gone too soon. Nikolai and I were basically just a couple of teenagers with a big old house and a business to figure out on our own. It aged us quickly, but Nikolai likes to say that I still act like a teenager.”
“He’s kind of right,” I reply, grinning playfully.
He gives me a sly smile in return. “I think we both know I’m much more capable that a teenager could be. Regardless, I’m the leader of the Bratva now, so there isn’t much time to act like anything else.”
“This must feel like a vacation, then,” I say, gesturing to our quiet surroundings.
He nods in agreement. “Kind of, yes. But things are always calm before all hell breaks loose, and I’m still expecting that to happen. I don’t think we’re in the clear just because we’re picking up fuel in a little while.”
“It feels like things will never be in the clear, to be honest. This might be normal for you, but it’s been a wild ride for me,” I admit.
