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I bowed my head, my lips firmly closed.
Silas gave a disbelieving laugh and poked his finger into my chest. “You know what? Fuck you, Kai.”
My head snapped up as I gaped at him.
“You don’t get to tell me how I feel.” He blazed on, spitting his words like bullets. “You don’t get to dismiss my valid feelings asconfusion.If you don’t want to be with me, you just have to say it. Don’t hide behind excuses.”
Was that what I was doing? “I just…I don’t want to lose you as a friend, Si.”
His gaze shuttered as he took several steps back. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”
He turned, his whole body trembling as he stalked for the door. I made to follow him, but he held his hand up, stopping me in my tracks.
“No. Not right now. Go away and think about what I’ve said. Don’t call me until you’ve pulled your head out of your arse.”
I swallowed around the thick lump in my throat. “And if I can’t?”
He dropped his head so I couldn’t see his profile. “Then I guess we won’t be talking for a while.”
Chapter seventeen
Silas
Kaihadgonebythe time I returned downstairs. Part of me had wondered if he’d wait. If he’d think about what I said and realise the truth.
That I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t confused.
I was just head over heels for him.
But no, the ground floor was silent, Kai long gone. I’d stood in the kitchen, staring at where I’d offered my heart to my best friend on a platter.
Never in a million years had I expected him to fling it back in my face.
I’d imagined maybe he’d let me down easy, explain he didn’t feel the same. Or perhaps rebuke me, say that I had no place doing this when he had a boyfriend.
But the way he’d rejected me was so much worse. He hadn’tbelievedme. That it was so inconceivable, so ridiculous, that I might want him in a way that was anything but platonic. Even worse, he didn’t deny that he had romantic feelings for me. That would’ve been easier…maybe.
I thought I knew Kai better than I knew myself.
Today proved how fucking wrong I was. Never would I have believed he could reduce my feelings to nothing. A mere inconvenience that I’d get over.
I’d meant it when I’d said not to call me until he’d pulled his head out of his arse. I wasn’t expecting him to leave Tristan for me or anything like that. But until he could acknowledge my feelings rather than belittle them?
Yeah, I was happy to wait for that.
Well, happy was a stretch. But for the first time ever, I didn’t want to be around Kai right now. I didn’t want to be around anyone.
I spent the next three days closeted inside my house, catching up on all the episodes ofThe CircleI’d missed while on tour. Originally, I’d been waiting to watch them with Kai. Trashy reality TV was a guilty pleasure we indulged in together.
But since everything had gone up in smoke, I wasn’t waiting any longer. It was a tiny, petty rebellion, but it felt satisfying nonetheless.
Maybe I’ll text him who the winner is,I thought sourly as I shovelled more Pot Noodle into my mouth. It was curry-flavoured, something Kai couldn’t stand. Just the scent of it made him gag.
I’d bought a whole tray of them out of spite. Turned out I didn’t much like them either, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to eat every single one.
My phone buzzed for the hundredth time. I glanced at the screen to check it wasn’t Kai before ignoring it again.
Sooner or later, I would have to face the real world. We had studio time booked in for tomorrow, which meant I’d have to come out of hiding.
