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I understand perfectly.
Because it sure as hell isn’t convenient. And I wasn’t ready. I had things to take care of. Things that no one else can know about. Things that seemed like the most important things in the world not so long ago.
But now I’m questioning everything.
All because of the unexpected.
All because of Rose.
“You go first.” Rose hands me the notepad and pen, then looks away, giving me privacy.
“Here.” I write something on the paper and then hand it back to her.
Her eyes widen. “You didn’t tear yours out?” She looks at the pad, and at the wordforgivenesswritten in black ink.
“I don’t want to keep secrets from you. I just need a little time to take care of some things. And then we can talk, okay?”
She nods, complete trust shining in her eyes. “Okay.”
My eyes rake over her face as she looks down at the pad, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she writes.
She is beautiful. I could stare at her for eternity and never tire of the pure good that radiates from her. It radiates calm and serenity when there’s a war raging inside me. No one has ever been able to talk me down before. I’ve got good at controlling my temper myself. I’ve had no other choice. My decisions are controlled now, measured. I planned as I left jail about what I wanted, and what I needed to do to get it. Playing the long game and keeping my head was part of it.
But Jasmin’s revelation threw me through a loop.
Of all the fucking people… It had to be him.
But as everything screamed around me, Rose appeared.
My Sunbeam.
Her voice, her skin against mine, her light blue eyes.
With just a few words, and her presence, she brought a calmness and control back to me, when I thought I was losing it. Really fucking losing it.
And ever since, the same questions have been spinning in my head.What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?Even Marcus has his shit together better than me. He and Julie are going to live out their fantasy together, eating steak and peppercorn sauce. And me? Where the fuck will I be?
A few months ago, I could see a glimpse of my future. And it all boiled down to one thing.
Revenge.
I never considered what came after. What else there was.
As far as I’ve been concerned, there was nothing else. I only saw that. I made my entire existence focused on one thing. One man. A man I hate.
“Okay, I’m done.” Rose looks over at me, her lips lifting into a soft smile as she passes me my piece of paper. “Do you want to see what I wrote?”
My chest is light as her eyes sparkle at me. “Tell me.”
She turns the paper in her hands and holds it up.
Blame.
“I’m letting go. Right this moment.” She folds the paper, her gaze moving to the small fire we have set up on the lawn behind the main house. “Dad used to say holding blame and hurt is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel sick. I’m fed up with hurting, Dax.” Her eyes narrow as the flames dance over her face, casting shadows in the evening light. “I need to stop blaming myself. I need to stop blaming—” Her voice cracks. “I need to stop blaming Casey… I miss her.” She wrinkles up her nose. “I’ve spent years existing in this bubble of hurt and blame. And I’m done. Coming here…” She sighs. “You’ve no idea how much coming here and meeting you has helped me.”
I pull her underneath my arm and press a kiss into her hair, staring at the fire as I inhale. “I told you already. It’s you who helped me.”
She hums and leans into me. “Maybe we were supposed to help each other.”
