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I couldn’t say it again. I shot her an imploring look. Tears scalded the back of my eyes, but I focused on breathing and willing them away. Mom said it was okay to cry about something like this, but I wasn’t convinced. At this point, I wasn’t going to be a baby in front of Megan. I might have said she should walk away, but I didn’t want her to do it because I was a weeping wuss.
“That makes no sense. Your parents are the epitome of hashtag relationship goals.”
My lips twitched. “Were.”
“I don’t believe this. You talked to your dad?”
“Yeah.” I slumped back into the couch. “He said when the legal separation paperwork is finalized, he’ll introduce me to Jasmine.”
“Her name isnotJasmine.”
“Oh, it is.”
“Does she wear gypsy pants and fly around on a carpet with your dad or something?”
I laughed. “Who knows. I didn’t ask. I did ask if she was older than me and he didn’t respond. So there’s that.”
“Your poor mother.” Megan’s words were quiet. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me, though. You can’t think I’d take your dad’s side in this?”
I shrugged.
Megan slapped my leg.
It didn’t hurt, but it startled. “Hey.”
“Hey nothing. How big of an idiot are you, exactly?”
“How am I an idiot? I didn’t do anything!” I glared at her. “You don’t get to come in here and tell me I’m not handling the destruction of everything I believed about marriage the right way. I needed space and time to process. I still do.”
Megan drew a long breath in through her nose. “Well. Pardon me for impinging on your space and processing. When you’re ready to talk like an adult, you be sure to let me know.”
“Megan.” I watched her stand and stride to the door. “Come on. Don’t be like that.”
She turned. “Me? I’m the one who’s not supposed to be like that? You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror, buddy. Pulling away and basically ghosting is not how grownups handle their feelings. I can’t stand by you and try to help—or at least support you—if I don’t know what you need.”
I knew she was right. I should have said something to that effect. I probably should have gotten up and taken her hand or something. Instead, what came out of my mouth was, “I need my parents to be happily married, and it’s not like you can do anything to make that the case.”
Her face fell. Her whole body seemed to shrink and fade into something a lot more fragile than I’d ever considered Megan could be. “No. You’re right. I guess I have nothing to offer you. I’ll be praying for you, Cody. And your folks. You know how to reach me when you’re ready.”
She turned, wrenched open the door, and stepped outside. The door closed with a click that felt all the more final for its silence.
I closed my eyes and let my head drop back on the couch. Now what?
* * *
“So nice ofyou to join us.” Wes sent me a poisonous glare as he scooted to make an empty seat on the row where we usually sat at church.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I didn’t have the energy to get upset. He wasn’t wrong to be annoyed. On some level, I was annoyed with myself. I just couldn’t quite get to the place where I could do something about it.
“Why aren’t you over by Megan?” Wes wasn’t letting up. “Did you hose her already?”
“Why is that your business?” Why hadn’t I waited in the foyer until the singing started and then slipped in the back row? I’d thought—wrongly, it seemed—that being with my friends might do something about the thick, heavy, black fog that seemed to coat me wherever I went.
“Megan is all of our business. Which is why you should never have started something up with her if you were going to treat her like this.”
I shook my head. I could defend myself, but why? Better to let Megan—and everyone—down now than in thirty-five years when nobody expected it. Might as well let Wes get his shots in and then crow about how right he was.
I sighed. This was a bad idea. I stood up and edged out of the row.
