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“Will your date be late?”
I offered a tight smile. “I wasn’t sure it would be appropriate, since I’m in charge. In fact, I should probably pop into the kitchen and check on things. Excuse me.”
I tucked the chair back in after I stood and headed to the kitchen. I saw Kayla wave, but acted like I didn’t. I didn’t want to have her cheerily introduce me to her date and then have to make conversation with the guy who had just complicated my life more than I wanted to admit.
17
KAYLA
“I’ll be right back, okay? I just want to pop into the youth room real fast.” I reached for Austin’s hand and squeezed it. It had been nice to spend last night together at the Valentine’s banquet. Even nicer to come to church together this morning. “Don’t be that way.”
“I’m not being any way.” Austin squeezed my hand. “Want me to tag along?”
I sighed. “Really? You think that’s a good idea? Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. No. Just wait here, okay?”
“I was kidding. I’ll wait.” Austin leaned back against the wall in the church foyer.
I watched him for a moment, nodded, and headed toward the youth room. It was long enough past the end of service, that it should just be Luke stacking chairs. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any of the kids still hanging around.
I peeked in and let out a breath. Luke was alone, stacking chairs just like I’d figured. I cleared my throat.
Luke dropped the chair he was carrying onto the stack and turned. I couldn’t decide what emotion flickered over his face before he schooled his expression. “Hi.”
“Hi, Luke. I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
He shook his head. “You don’t. I didn’t ask you to the banquet because I knew I’d be busy, and it didn’t seem fair to expect you to sit alone for a lot of the night. It was certainly reasonable for you to go with someone who did ask.”
I studied him before nodding. “Did you want to ask me?”
Luke’s mouth opened, then snapped shut. He wouldn’t meet my gaze. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
“It seems easy. To me, at least.” I tucked my hands in the pockets of the skirt I’d decided on at the last minute this morning when I was getting ready for church. Normally I went with jeans, like everyone else, but after last night with Austin, I’d wanted something a little fancier.
“It should be. I absolutely agree that you’re right. And I guess I ought to apologize to you for the fact that it isn’t.”
“I don’t want an apology, Luke. But I wouldn’t mind an explanation.” Why was I pushing? It wasn’t that I wanted to date him—things with Austin and I were finally moving in the direction that I wanted them to go. The direction that I really felt God wanted them to go. At the same time, there was a part of me that wondered if explaining to me might help Luke understand for himself.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Just before Christmas, Pastor Chaz pulled me aside and said some of the parents had reservations about a young, unmarried youth pastor. The implication—though he didn’t say it out loud—was that my job was hanging in the balance. I was encouraged to start working on finding someone with whom I could settle down and start a family.”
“Ouch.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Something like that. There were other conversations that followed and your name came up—probably because I’d mentioned that you’d asked about the mission trip. One thing led to another and it seemed like I should just ask you out and see what happened. I really am sorry.”
“It’s okay. I don’t think I would have done differently in your shoes. I enjoyed getting to know you. I think we could be friends.”
His lips twisted. “Friends. I’d be okay with that. I don’t really want more. And I’m guessing based on last night, you don’t either.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I realized last night, in a moment of clarity, that I’m not sure I want marriage. Certainly not right now. Maybe not ever. And I’m not sure what that means in terms of my job here. Or as a youth pastor at all. But I’m going to trust God to make that clear.”
I smiled. “That’s always the best plan. I’ll pray for you, Luke. And if you ever want to hang out, you’d be more than welcome in our group. We’re not all couples.”
“I appreciate that. I’ll keep it in mind.”
I was pretty sure that was a “no,” but that was also okay. “So. Spring break trip?”
He shook his head. “I’m sending out the official cancelation notice tomorrow. It’s not worth trying to shoehorn mission work in between a Mexican vacation.”
