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The day progressed with laughter, tears, and even hugs, as group members shared their personal stories of struggle and newfound hope. Rainey provided complimentary binders filled with journaling prompts, meditation and breathing techniques, and even poetry. When I came to the section titled,Discovering Your Purpose, I paused. I’d never really considered my purpose before. I’d been told at a young age that I was to be a model, and that’s all I’d ever known. I reflected on my values, my interests, and what I was naturally good at. How could I put these together? What would my life look like if I was living out my purpose?
I knew that one of the reasons I booked so many jobs so quickly was because I had no problem being in front of people. Unlike other models, I didn’t have to deal with anxiety when it came to walking the catwalk or public speaking. In fact, I kind of enjoyed being asked questions and having to think on my feet.
I began to doodle as I thought, drawing spirals and shapes of hearts and flowers in the margins of the journaling pages. Then I sketched the outline of a dog and thought of Buddy and Brayden. My heart leaped in my chest. Brayden had more courage than anyone I’d ever met. He’d not only had to grieve the loss of his friends and crew members but struggle to survive himself. And now he was creating a new life that would give him a sense of purpose and fulfillment. I craved the same, and prayed to apply all the lessons I was learning here at Hillview to my life. I just had to figure out how to do that.
Suddenly, I was struck with inspiration. I began to write and cry at the same time. The woman beside me passed me the box of tissues with a knowing smile.
“Thank you,” I said. My heart filled with joy as I envisioned my future. I just hoped Brayden would be open to hearing my idea. I glanced at the clock. I’d be meeting him at his house at 6 pm. It wouldn’t be long before I’d have my answer.
***
“What do you think?” Brayden asked from across his small dining room table. Buddy lay at my feet, and I didn’t know which of them had the more hopeful expression. Or which was more adorable.
“This is probably the most gorgeous food I’ve ever seen,” I said truthfully, eyeing the contents of my plate ravenously. “Tell me again what everything is.”
“Of course,” Brayden replied with a wide smile. “All the ingredients were either gathered from my garden or from local farms and orchards. That means we’re eating the freshest food available since it’s all seasonal so there’s very little processing involved. I’m calling this ‘Pan-American Orchard Fare.’ It sounds fancy, but it’s really very simple.”
I grinned. “I love it all even more because we’re helping small family-owned businesses.”
“Exactly,” said Brayden. “Farmers have been hit hard in this economy, and buying from local organic growers not only helps further their livelihoods as well as all the farm laborers, but also encourages sustainable farming practices. Tonight, I’ve prepared a sweet gem caesar salad with aged cheddar and oregano breadcrumbs to start. The entrée is duck breast with roasted fennel, celeriac, wild plums, watercress, and smoked stone fruit molasses. For dessert, a trio of fruit sorbet.”
“Thank you so much for going to all this trouble.” I met Brayden’s gaze, his eyes the color of molten chocolate, and a rush of electricity flooded through my body. His passion for what he was doing made me feel even more drawn to him.
“The pleasure is all mine,” he said. “Can I offer you a glass of Pinot Noir from one of the local wineries?”
“I’d love some.”
Brayden uncorked the bottle and poured the dark red liquid into our glasses.
“What should we toast to?” he asked, picking up his glass by the stem.
“New beginnings,” I said.
“I like that,” he replied. “To new beginnings and new friends. Thank you for joining me tonight.”
We both dug into our meals. Afterwards, I helped him clear the plates and we settled ourselves on the couch with our leftover wine.
“Brayden,” I began. “I want you to know how grateful I am that you shared your story with me, and how much you’ve inspired me. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same after spending this week at Hillcrest.”
“I don’t know what to say,” he replied as color came into his cheeks. “Please don’t give me any credit, though. This is a special place and it’s good when people find some rest and renewal here.”
“Well, I’m happy we’re getting to know each other. I think you’ve probably guessed by now that I’ve been struggling lately with my career. The truth is that my agent told me if I don’t lose weight fast, she’s going to terminate my contract with the agency.”
“That’s horrible!” Brayden reached out and caressed my face with his palm. “Just so you know, you don’t need to lose weight. In fact, I’d be worried about you if you do.”
“Thank you,” I said, my lower lip trembling with emotion. “I’ve made a decision today…I’m going to leave the Willow Renee Agency. She doesn’t get to have power over me or my body anymore. Instead, I’m going to sign with a modeling agency that encourages body positivity. Health is beautiful, and health comes in all shapes and sizes. I want to use my platform to encourage young people to love themselves just the way they are, and to know they shouldn’t ever feel they have to change to please others. I’ve realized that being so focused on myself, I’ve missed what I could be doing for others and for the things I care about. Like you said, it’s time for me to start making a difference.”
With that, Brayden placed his other hand on my opposite cheek and drew his face to mine. When our lips met it was with a hunger that was beyond the body and was as though our souls were craving to connect, to become one. His fingers ran over my hair and down my back, and then his arms were around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I leaned into his embrace, feeling the rock-hard muscles of his chest. I looped my arms around his neck and then ran my hand down his scarred cheek.
“You’re so handsome,” I whispered.
“And you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he whispered back before kissing me again.
I forced myself to pull away a moment later. “I need to confess something,” I said.
“What is it, sweetheart?” he asked, tracing my jawbone with his fingertip.
“My date for my sister’s wedding…it’s not someone I’ve been seeing. The truth is that I signed up with a dating app and hired a man to pretend to be my boyfriend. My real boyfriend broke up with me last week. He actually did me a favor by ending it, but I didn’t realize it until now. I wish I hadn’t hired a date, because I’d love nothing more than for you to be the one to accompany me to my sister’s wedding.”
