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Connor sidestepped deeper into the room and then had to bolt behind the couch when Santana made a dive for him.
Everybody shrieked and Connor burst out laughing when he barely dodged out of reach in the nick of time. His face beamed with happiness and some of the other boys grabbed him to pull him into their cluster.
Kingston startled me out of my trance by laying his hand on my arm. “Come on. Let’s leave him alone. He’ll be fine in here.”
I didn’t want to leave. The sight of my son laughing, running around with other kids, and enjoying himself twisted my heart. He needed this so badly and I had never been able to give it to him. Kingston gave it to him.
My old instincts flared. I wanted to protect Connor from danger, but there was no danger here. Being around kids didn’t put Connor in danger. I had to rewrite all my old rules. I couldn’t keep him isolated anymore.
Kingston tugged my arm one more time and I took a step back across the threshold into the corridor. Connor didn’t even notice me about to leave. He was having too much fun with his new friends.
The other boys crowded around him asking him questions until Santana charged around the couch and scattered them. Connor beamed and laughed even more. I’d never seen him this happy—ever.
My hand flew to my mouth and I fought back tears at the sight. Was I losing my son to this hidden community? He was a member of this Clan. I wasn’t.
I wanted more than anything for him to have that connection. He needed a family. I could never ask him to give that up, but did it have to happen so soon? Did I have to lose my baby so soon? I wanted to keep him all to myself.
Kingston’s warm fingers threaded into my hand and that sensation brought tears to my eyes. The sight of Connor having so much fun blurred in my tears and I had to turn away. I couldn’t let him see me struggling with this. He needed to know I was fine with him being happy. I couldn’t make him think I didn’t want him to be.
I blinked my tears away, but all these emotions in my heart got so confused that I didn’t see where Kingston was leading me.
He turned off into a different room. “You can stay here. You’ll be comfortable here….and don’t worry about my family. They’ll get used to you being here and they’ll welcome you.”
I couldn’t answer so I turned to check out the room. It had been set up like a small apartment with a sitting room, kitchen, bathroom, a largish master bedroom, and a much smaller bedroom to one side.
It had been decorated in a very luxurious, modern style with all the amenities. It reminded me of a four-star hotel but more comfortable. Connor and I could live here—like, live here for real—maybe forever.
A gigantic window gave a magnificent view over the mountains and cliffs spreading as far as the eye could see. It looked so stunningly beautiful that I experienced another lifting feeling in my chest. Now I knew what Kingston meant about this view making me feel like the king of the world.
He let go of my hand and placed his hand on my back. “Are you okay? Don’t worry about Connor. He’ll be safe here.”
“That’s what so upsetting.” I tried to hold back tears, but they streaked down my cheeks anyway. “Thank you. I don’t know how to thank you for giving him this. He’s never had a place to call home….or a family….or anything……”
“Hey!” He swiveled in front of me and put his arms around me.
The next thing I knew, I was burying my face in his chest and sobbing my eyes out. All the fear, danger, and uncertainty of the last five years overflowed my defenses and I poured it all out into his shirt.
He rubbed my back, squeezed the back of my neck, and kissed my hair while I cried. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “Everything’s okay now. You never have to go out there again unless you want to. No one is ever going to hurt you again.”
I straightened up struggling to control my features. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”
“Nothing is wrong with you. Some jackasses spent five years trying to kill you and your son.”
He eased over to the bed, sat down on it, and pulled me between his knees. He cupped my cheeks and lifted my face to look at him.
“I am so proud and grateful to you for protecting him. I will never be able to pay you back for taking care of him all these years. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help you. I can’t forgive myself for leaving you to do it all by yourself. I should have been there. I should have found out.”
Hearing him say those words made me burst into tears all over again, and this time, he pulled me onto his lap. He rotated me sideways, drew my legs over one knee, and steered my head down on his shoulder.
“I love you so much!” he whispered into my hair. “I never stopped loving you. It broke my heart to leave you. I only did it because I thought I had to. I never thought we could be together and I had to help my family. I never wanted to hurt you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. I never thought I’d ever love anyone again.”
I buried my face in his neck and sobbed, mostly in relief that I didn’t actually lose him the way I thought I did. That on its own hurt more than anything.
Did I dare to lower my guard to care about him again? Did I dare to drop my defenses and let him back in?
He kissed my forehead, and somehow—don’t ask me how—his lips crawled down the side of my face to my mouth. Before I even realized what was happening, we were kissing as never before.
I drowned in those kisses. I couldn’t even say they swept me into the past because kissing Kingston never felt like this before.
