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‘She remembered that quite clearly.’
‘It didn’ happen,’ said Carrie, the defiance now pronounced.
‘So the police arrived,’ said Strike, ‘and walked you back up to the van, right?’
‘Yeah,’ said Carrie.
‘Then what happened?’
‘I can’ remember exactly,’ said Carrie, but she immediately contradicted herself. ‘They took me to the station and I told them what had happened and then they took me back to the farm.’
‘And informed Daiyu’s parents what had happened?’
‘On’y Mazu, because Papa J wuzn’ – no, he wuz there,’ she corrected herself, ‘he wuzn’ supposed to be, but he wuz. I saw Mazu first, but Papa J called me to see him after a bit, to talk to me.’
‘Jonathan Wace wasn’t supposed to be at the farm that morning?’ said Strike.
‘No. I mean, yeah, he wuz. I can’ remember. I thought he wuz goin’ away that mornin’, but he didn’ go. And I didn’ see him the moment I got back, so I thought he’d gone, but he wuz there. It’s a long time ago, now,’ she said. ‘It all gets jumbled up.’
‘Where was Wace supposed to be that morning?’
‘I don’ know, I can’ remember,’ said Carrie, a little desperately. ‘I made a mistake: he wuz there when I got back, I just didn’ see him. He wuz there,’ she repeated.
‘Were you punished, for taking Daiyu to the beach without permission?’ said Robin.
‘Yeah,’ said Carrie.
‘What punishment were you given?’ asked Robin.
‘I don’ wanna talk about that,’ said Carrie, her voice strained. ‘They wuz angry. They had every right to be. If somebody had taken one of my little—’
Carrie emitted something between a gasp and a cough and began to cry again. She rocked backwards and forwards, sobbing into her hands for a couple of minutes. When Robin silently mimed to Strike an offer of comfort to Carrie, Strike shook his head. Doubtless he’d be accused of heartlessness again on the return journey, but he wanted to hear Carrie’s own words, not her response to somebody else’s sympathy or ire.
‘I’ve regretted it all my life, all my life,’ Carrie sobbed, raising her swollen-eyed face, tears still coursing down her cheeks. ‘I felt like I didn’ deserve Poppy and Daisy, when I had ’em! I shouldn’ of agreed… why did I do it? Why? I’ve asked myself that over ’n’ over, but I swear I never wan’ed – I wuz young, I knew it wuz wrong, I never wan’ed it to happen, oh God, and then she wuz dead and it wuz real, it wuz real…’
‘What d’you mean by that?’ said Strike. ‘What d’you mean by “it was real”?’
‘It wuzn’ a joke, it wuzn’ pretend – when you’re young, you don’ think stuff like that happens – but it wuz real, she wuzn’ comin’ back…’
‘The inquest must have been difficult for you,’ said Strike.
‘Of course it wuz,’ said Carrie, her face wet, her breathing still laboured, but with a trace of anger.
‘Mr Heaton says you spoke to him outside, after it was over.’
‘I can’ remember that.’
‘He remembers. He particularly remembers you saying to him, “I could have stopped it.”’
‘I never said that.’
‘You’re denying saying “I could have stopped it” to Mr Heaton?’
‘Yeah. No. I don’… maybe I said somethin’ like, “I could’ve stopped her goin’ in so deep.” That’s wha’ I meant.’
‘So you remember saying it now?’
‘No, but if I said it… that’s what I meant.’
